It's that time of year again, October, a month for remembering Pregnancy and Infant Loss.  This year we have a rainbow baby, and when she sleeps, I sleep.  So, I don't have a sunrise picture this morning, instead I will share this one again of mine and Abigail's hands.  It is my favorite photo to share of her, which is what the Photography Challenge calls for today.  But this month, like every other day, I'm remembering the daughter who isn't here with us.  We were asked what we wanted to cultivate this month.  I suppose I want to try again to find some peace with myself, and work at being healthy.  I've written about my distrust of the medical field before.  But, it's really more than that.  Ever since we lost Abigail, I've felt like I can trust my body.  That it doesn't work right.  And when I can't get good care for my Hashimoto's and when I can't find a doctor to really dig into what's going on and be a partner with me, how does anything else I try to do really matter?  When I fall into one of those moods, I tend to reach for the Dr. Pepper, Reese's Cups or a biscuit, and hide in the house until it passes.  I may never find a doctor, but I do need to at least develop some healthy habits of my own.  With 4 other kids in the house, a newborn, homeschooling, and having a husband who is gone alot during planting season, I need to do it for me.  I need to make the time to take care of myself again.