Apparently you are not a good fisherman, if you don't tell tall tales.  So, in light of being informed that I needed to share, I'm sharing my fishing story.  Zack has a really nice boat, and he's been deep sea fishing for about the last decade.  He's taken most of the family out several times.  The guys have gone a few times.  Heather is great at hunting and fishing, and she's been a few times.  Joan Ellen also went when they took out some of the nieces.  I however, had never been fishing with Zack and Amanda.

Now, I don't swim all that well, and though I enjoy fishing, I wasn't real excited about being that far way from land.  I went along solely, because Gary wanted to go and I wanted to spend our anniversary together.  I must have lucked out because that morning when we left the water was as smooth as a mirror, and we had a fast and easy ride out.  I was amazed at just how blue the water was out there.  Growing up my favorite color in the big crayon box was cerulean blue, and that's EXACTLY what the water looked like.

Anyway, we caught several fish, that weren't any good so we threw them back.  The most fun was when the Mahi Mahi started swimming around the boat.  The first time they came by we couldn't get them to bite.  Mister said they have such good eyesight, that they can see the hook, if you don't have it pretty well hidden.  They are beautiful fish.  One came right up and bumped the foot I had trailing in the water as I was trying to keep cool.  They came by later though and must have been starving to death, because all of a sudden they were biting anything and everything.  One of the ones I caught I accidently dropped the line before I got it baited again.  No joke.  At one point we had about four flopping around in the boat.  And oh my goodness those fish are fighters.  They will beat themselves to death in the boat, tearing their lips off, bleeding everywhere.  Amanda got slapped upside the head by one.  We lost a few before we could get them in the boat, they flail to the point that they work themselves off the hook while they are in the air before you even get them in the boat.

However, what we were really out to catch was grouper.  After the Mahi Mahi got bored (or in my opinion after we caught all the ones who were hungry), I dropped my line all the way down to the bottom.  Now, all I had on there was about a half eaten sardine, from the Mahi Mahi.  I thought I felt a tap, but nothing followed it, so after a minute I started reeling it in.  I figured what ever it was stole the last little bit of bait I had on there.  But all of a sudden, the line went really tight, and I couldn't get the end up in the air, and something was pulling more line out.  When I couldn't get it up, Amanda came over, but she wasn't having any luck either.  We decided that I must have a grouper and that it had gone in it's hole, but that the line was going out because we were drifting.  Zack backed the boat up to where we were before, and Mister took the pole from me to try to get where we could work him out of his hole.  Meanwhile, Amanda had been trying to explain to me how to reel and work him up.  The water was about 90 feet deep there, and it was going to take some work.  I didn't understand what in the world she wanted me to do.  She was making no sense whatsoever, but when Zack got the boat where he wanted it Mister was able to back that fish out of there, and then I could see what Amanda had meant.  After a minute he gave me the pole back, and I started pulling the pole up as high as I could get it and then reeling like a maniac as I lowered it.  I was bracing it against my leg and my arms were killing me, because I have no arm muscles at all. haha.  Then Zack found a belt thing, that I could brace the pole with.  When I finally got it up close enough to see it I couldn't believe how big it was.  Then I'm sure I was entertaining trying to get it into the boat.  I have no balance at all on the water, I really had no balance trying to get this massive fish swung up into the boat.  I was falling all over the place.  But we finally got that thing in there.  It was 26 inches long.  Long enough to keep, and I have no idea how heavy it was, but I couldn't have held it up much longer than it took them to snap the picture.  It was crazy.

I caught another couple of little ones, not big enough to keep.  Gary ended up catching a gar a little later.  Dad caught the most, as he easily caught half the Mahi Mahi.  I caught the biggest.  And as Gary said, he caught the most trash. haha.  We had a good time.  The only down side was being insanely hot with no breeze at all.  Not sure if I do or don't want to go again.  30 miles from land over 90 foot of water.  That's a long way, away if anything goes wrong.  But we had good company, and I did have a good time.  It was a memorable anniversary, and it was great of Zack and Amanda to take us out.

Back at the beginning of the month we took our yearly trip to the Beach with Gary's family.  For almost every year since Britt was born, we have gone down to Anna Maria Island with Gary's parents and siblings, and all our nieces and nephews.  I thought I'd share some of my favorite pictures from the week.

Today was Britt's final game, and Ruth had her last game, last Monday.  It has been alot of fun to watch the kids play ball this year.  Even though they have posted a few times about playing I wanted to write and share some videos from their final games.

Ruth started off the season, enjoying batting but not really caring to run and not attempting to field the ball.  She has complained endlessly all season about not liking the long socks or the tight pants.  She won't leave her shirt tucked in.  And she doesn't like pony tails, but does want her hair pushed through the hole in the back of her hat.  She is so particular about things.  However, by the end of the season, she was running more and said that batting and running the bases were her favorite parts.  She is trying to field the ball, and actually throws halfway accurately for t-ball.  I hope she will want to play again next year, she and Rebecca could be on a t-ball team together.


Britt though has been the most fun to watch.  He played rookie ball this year, which is basically just like regular baseball with the exception that it is coach pitch so they get 5 pitches no balls or strikes called.  Britt's attention span still wanders a lot when he plays any position but catcher.  But his throwing has improved drastically this year.  In some ways his batting is worse than last year, but over the course of the season, he has improved a lot in his stance and in tracking the pitch.  He loves baseball.  He loves his team, he loves the sport, he likes watching other games on tv.  It has been most fun to see his enthusiasm for the sport.  He is so sad that the season is over, and wants to know why it has to be so short.

I have a friend, his name is Flat Stanley.  And yesterday, Momma took him and us to see a play about Flat Stanley.  The story started out like this, "I wish I could be super hero."  Flat Stanley was singing about doing something like "the world never seen before."  So he wished on a shoot star to be a super hero and do amazing things.  And the light twinkled on his bed, and then the bulletin board fell on him while he was sleeping, and it made him flat.  He felt like it was a curse because some people weren't nice to him and he got stuck in a tree. Then he singed another song in the tree.  Then Flat Stanley goed into an envelope and went to another place.  He went to three places.  First to California to go to see his friend.  Then to the art museum (the Louve) and he saved the day when the pictures got stolen.  Last he went to Hawaii and did a wave thing, pretending he's a surf board in a movie.    It was super long.  I liked it alot.  Flat Stanley liked it alot too, I held him the whole time so he could see.  The End.

10-11-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 11, Glow in the Woods

Today is about where we have found support. One great resource for me has been www.stillstandingmag.com. There have been a lot of articles on so many topics relating to grief and loss, by so many different writers in different places on their journey. I have come to recognize that is what this, is a journey. I will always bear this sense of loss and longing, but I will be able to carry it with me. I will not forever remain bogged down in this one place, in grief, in this intensity.

The biggest help has come from a few women I know who have travelled this road before me. I won't call them all out, because I don't know how much each of them would want to share. Why I think we should never feel ashamed of our losses, or embarrassed, or afraid of the response of others to the point of not talking about our children; I also recognize that we each determine what is ours alone, and what we want to share. However there is one person, I want to call by name, who I am sure won't mind.

Sis. Kate Richardson, who I am still waiting to meet in real life at a Church meeting, has been the single biggest help. She lost her second born, a son, nearly 30 years ago when he was born too early. She has shared Steven with me. She has shared her sense of loss. She has shared her sense of hopelessness as she held him, and watched him slip away, powerless to help him. She has shared how she tried to cope. She has encouraged me in my writing and helped me to process my feelings even when I don't fully know what it is I feel. She has reassured me, that all of these are normal to work through. She has talked to me for as long as I have wanted no matter what time of the day or night, when I have jumped on Facebook chat. She has encouraged me in the faith we share, sharing her studies following her loss. She has shown me that even after unbearable loss, we can find beauty and hope. That we can let this be a testimony in our lives to ourselves and others of the truth that He walks with us, and He gives us great strength. Most of all she has shown me that I am not alone. Not alone in my loss, not alone in my grief, not alone. Even when I feel like Elijah and cry out "I, and even I only am left." (I Kings 19:10. There is the Lord with me and there are others, both who have felt loss and those who feel our loss with us. And for all of these things, I cannot say thank you enough.

10-09-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 9, Family

Today we were asked who is our family, what do they mean to us, what does our family look like. Unlike many, maybe most of the women I've talked to, no one has come to me and told me I should be over it, and to stop talking about Abigail. There have been some poorly thought out comments, but then again I don't even know what to say about what has happened. I've not needed to cut people out of my life, I've not seen some friends just drift away. Y'all have all been wonderful.

So family means to me what it has always meant. There is my actual family, my Church family (which sometimes is both, and often the most important family), and occasionally there are those rare friends that reach the status of family. They are the people who love you no matter what. The people you think about when you aren't with them. The people who you can't wait to see. I have a big family when I think about all these people - Mallards, Hurns, Varnums, and Cunninghams, Little Union Church, Old Carroll Church, Primitive Baptist this nation over some of whom are so close and wise they feel like extra parents and grandparents, Kristi and Melissa and Ashley and Kathy. So much love, and to think I've probably missed some.

As for our little family, it is Gary, Me, Britt, Ruth, Rebecca, and now Abigail. She will always be the unseen part of our family, the one we carry in our heart, the one unseen in family photos, but she will always be there, and she is loved by our family, our very large, loving family.

9-16-2015, Our little family at Niagara Falls, 3 weeks after Abigail was stillborn.

Today been a nice day cause of marshmallows.  And us had a campfire.  We had it with us friends.  My friend is Annie.  She came to my house, and swinged me on the swing set.  We drawed with chaulk.  She drew a picture of Ruth as a princess.  Britt played with Everett.  They played with dinosaurs and Britt's toys in his room and outside.  Annie's big brother Alex came too, he was so funny.  He sword fighted with us too.  It was a nice day to play with them.  We all had lunch together, hot dogs on the campfire.  It was a nice day.  Me want my friends to stay more.  They will come back another day, and play all the way till night time.

We went to Zoo America in Hershey with our friends from co-op.  We saw lots of animals at the zoo.  I don't know how much.  I did have a good time with my friends, and asked them to come to my house, and they did today.  We went to the zoo on Wednesday, it was cold there, so borrowed Alex's coat.  He's funny.




























They had a black footed ferret.  I wanted to look for those in our woods, because I learned about him from Brothers and Chris.  They have sharp teeth, because they are a predator.  They have a long body to go through the tightest tunnels.  There are only 16 left in the world, they use to live in Texas.  I want to go there.  We saw Black Bears.  They were sleeping and a bird almost woke them up. Bears are omnivores, like us, they like meat and berries and stuff. I did see wolves, I think they eat deers and stuff.  They might kill them too.  Did you know, otters were in their home?  They didn't want to swim because it was too cold.  It might be warm now, cause it's hot.  It would be a good day to play in the shade or go to the beach.  It feels better in the shade.  You know how it feels if you are barefooted in the sand, it's hot.





Then we ate lunch.  We brought sandwiches and Everett shared some of his chips with me.  We got to play on a little playground after that.  There was a little slide, and some stairs to it, and we all took turns.




After lunch time, we went into that building.  There was lots of kinds of animals: an owl, a skunk, a snake, and an alligator.  The skunk didn't have any stripes.  She was an albino named Betty White.  Albino means she has no color all white.  Her eyes looked pink because she didn't have any color in her eyes, so you could see all the blood behind them.  If she had been all black she would have been melanism.  He asked if anyone could have a staring contest with the snake, and Ruth was picked.  She stared a long time, till we were all laughing.  He told her she was really good, but that she couldn't win, because snakes don't have eyelids so they couldn't blink.  We all got to pet the snake, but Momma said no thank you.  The last animal that he told us all about was the alligator.  I don't think it would be a good idea to touch the inside of his mouth.

















I think it would be fun to go there again, but next time I want to try another zoo.