Nov 15, On our way home from Sewing Class, Ruth and I spotted a really vibrant rainbow.

For the Photo Challenge we were told to look for a Rainbow.  For Capture Your Grief we were told to look back on the month and reflect on what helped, what brought us joy, and what practices will we take with us going forward.  I'm finishing up these last two post late, though I will back date them.  As always this month is hard.  Grief continues to be a thing that ebbs and flows.  The first week or so of the month, I was really down.  Like stay watch as much tv in bed as possible, do almost no housework, one day we even blew off school, because I just couldn't do it.  I didn't write post 2 through 10 until that second week, slowly catching them up.  Taking time to talk about Abigail still helps all of those feelings.  Counting her, when others ask me how many children I have helps alot.  Hearing her name spoken aloud and knowing that she is remembered by others helps.  Writing about her, so that she is remembered helps.

I'm not sure that I have really started any new practices this month.  Though I have again recommitted to being a more patient mother, I feel continue to feel like one of the best ways to honor her, is to be the very best mother I can to her siblings, to be available to them, to be forgiving and understanding, to pour all the love that I not only have for them, but that I also have for her, but have so few ways of showing, into them.  It's a daily battle.  I still get frustrated with their behavior, I still find myself exhausted at the end of the day.  I still am one of them most impatient people in the world.  But all five of my children have filled my life to overflowing with so much joy and love that I can't help but try harder every day.  I really do think that no matter the outcome of our pregnancies that our children make us better people, and I'm so thankful for mine.