Friday, October 21, 2016

Relationships

Capture Your Grief - Day 21 - Relationships

Relationships after loss are difficult.  You spend alot of time wanting to talk about your baby, but not wanting to alienate everyone around you.  Then when you finally open up, too many people try to fix it with comments like I talked about in the last post, or they don't say anything at all.  And I'm not sure which one is worse.  Every now and then you find someone though, who shares their feelings, and encourages you to share yours.  I've met a few of those along the way.

Perhaps the best relationship growth in this last year has been with me and Mother.  We NEVER got along growing up.  Though I didn't get it at the time, Daddy use to say we are just alike.  I think I get that more and more.  We are both perfectionist, very particular about everything, but somehow those particular things, aren't the same, so I guess that was part of our problem.  Most of it was problem me, being unwilling to listen or learn anything, no empathy or understanding.  Moving away from home, and having kids gave me a whole new appreciation for her, the last 7 years have been totally different.  But for the most part my family doesn't talk about feelings, maybe that's part of the reason I still have trouble talking about things, and prefer to write.  But this year, I have called Mother ALOT, and since getting pregnant again, I might even have crossed into calling too much.  I've always known that she and Daddy pretty much agreed on everything, and she mostly lets him do the talking.  In the last year though, I have talked to her alot about being afraid and missing Abigail, and she's shared what she misses.  She's asked about all the test and not tried to fix what isn't fixable.

I am even more thankful for this when I read about other baby loss moms who have had their mothers act like they are being overly dramatic or have no real problems or who don't even count their child as one of their grandchildren.  She counts Abigail in the grandchild count.  She lights a candle on PAILs day, she put Abigail's name on our family Christmas ornament.  She's never told me it's time to man up and be over it.


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