This one remains hard.  Because on the surface little has changed.  I was a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I am still that.  In fact right now today, I'm directing house cleaning, we are about to eat lunch, and then we are going to do our reading for the day.  I feel tired, but that is not unusual.  Have I been irrevocably changed?  Of course, I don't know how it could be possible to not be deeply changed, or how it could even be possible to return to the way you were previously after such a loss.  I am not as optimistic. I am more anxious. I am not as quick to laugh.  I don't enjoy college football as much as I use to.  I find I am lonely alot.  I have to honestly say that I still have not found anything about my new self that I like let alone love.  Of course I'd like the bouncy, excited, old me back, but I think I've about made peace with the fact that I can still enjoy life just in a more level and muted way.  Who am I becoming?  Wouldn't I like to know.