Saturday, October 22, 2016

Pearls of Wisdom

Capture Your Grief - Day 22 - Pearls of Wisdom

Is there any pearls of wisdom I can share with others who find themselves here?  This question is made all the more real by the fact that another friend had to deliver a baby that she found out had passed at her gender ultrasound... just like us.  I no longer have the problem at being a loss for words in this situation, but more of a what do you choose to share, when the pain is so raw.  There's only so much that you can absorb, when you are reeling from a loss.

  • When people tell you, let us know if you need anything.  Tell them yes, anything they can do to help.  Then let them figure out what that is.  Otherwise you'll never be able to think through what you need and you'll still have EVERYTHING to manage along with grief.
  • Find something that is comforting to direct your energy toward, and don't worry about everything else for now.  For me that's been writing (ALOT) and cross stitching Abigail's stocking.  Everything else got pushed off for a while - exercise, house cleaning, even homeschooling.
  • It is ok to feel miserable.  You aren't going to feel better tomorrow or even next month or next year.  It will get less raw.  It will never be the same, but that is ok.  On the other hand, it won't be like this forever either.
  • Find at least one person that you can talk to about your loss, even if that means 7 months down the road you are still using the exact same words.  Someone who won't be bored with you even if that is the case.  Someone that won't push you to be over it or move on or make your situation feel unworthy.
  • And perhaps the hardest of all for me.  Recognize that you are a different person now.  And try not to be so hard on yourself for not being like you were before.

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