10-19-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 19, Music

I've already written pretty detailed about "Be Still My Soul" which the kids have begun to call Abigail's song, when I wrote about triggers, so I won't write about it again. I have always adored music, it speaks to me. I can't really make music, though I piddled with clarinet in high school. I can't really sing despite singing schools, though I love to. When we moved to the valley and ridge area of PA, where the radio changes stations every few miles down the road, every time you cross a ridge, and the only good service is on top of them, I just about quit listening to country on the radio. I still love my cds that I have loaded on the ipod I bought in college, but we primarily listen to singing tapes and cds. We have some from annual meetings of congregation singing (those are our favorites). We have others from singing schools (Gary went to ALOT of those before me). We have some that were done by various Churches, families, or groups in a studio.

These songs have become even more precious to me during this ordeal. I have always loved to sing, but often now I just cannot. I can remember having bronchitis one time, and having no voice, and I just couldn't stop myself from singing, from trying to anyway. Now I sometimes, just cannot find my voice. But that's ok, because mostly I just need to listen to them. Sometimes I just need a minor, it's not even about the words, but the tune that my soul cries out for when my own cries can't even be translated to words. Sometimes I need to hear the words of the hymn writers that have been through great trials. Sometimes I need to remember what He has done, to help me remember that there is more than this. Sometimes I need to hear a song about Heaven, and let my imagination roam with wonder.

Three tapes have been favorites for me throughout the last several months. The first is "All the Day Long" which has "Be Still My Soul" on it. The second is "Nearer, My God, to Thee" which was recorded by Bethel Church in Mississippi after a singing school. Both of these are fairly mellow in their song selection, and peaceful feeling. The third one is the outside singing tape from the Camp Meeting in 1999 at Bethel Church in Texas. It is funny to listen to it because I can remember, and nearly be transported back to that 14 year old girl who was amazed at the number of young people, and was on cloud nine when shape notes were first explained to me sitting under the tabernacle after lunch, learning fuging tunes. There are many different songs, and they all serve different purposes, but the first song on that tape is "Eden of Love." While I loved it then, I really love it now. In the Good Old Songs book it is set to a minor that doesn't fit the words at all, but out in Texas they singing it to the most joyful tune you've ever heard. One day listening to it, it made me wonder. The second verse hit me like a ton of bricks. If perhaps at that very moment while we were singing praises, if Abigail was too. And while perhaps it is too simplistic a view, after all Heaven is outside of time, it brings a sense of closeness with both her and my Saviour, with all of God's people really, that almost makes me feel whole. Then the third verse points to the fact that one day I'll be there and sing praises in His very tangible presences. You can't help but be happy to hear and dwell on that thought.

1. How sweet to reflect on the joys that await me
In yon blissful region, the haven of rest,
Where glorified spirits with welcome shall greet me,
And lead me to mansions prepared for the blest;
Encircled in light, and with glory enshrouded,
My happiness perfect, my mind's sky unclouded,
I'll bathe in the ocean of pleasure unbounded,
And range with delight through the Eden of love.

2. While angelic legions, with harps tuned celestial,
Harmoniously join in the concert of praise,
The saints, as they flock from the regions terrestrial,
In loud hallelujah their voices will raise;
Then songs to the Lamb shall re-echo through heaven,
My soul will respond, to Immanuel be given
All glory, all honor, all might and dominion,
Who brought us, through grace to the Eden of love.

3. Then hail, blessed state! hail, ye songsters of glory!
Ye harpers of bliss, soon I'll meet you above,
And join your full choir in rehearsing the story,
Salvation from sorrow through Jesus's love.
Though imprisoned in earth, yet by anticipation
Already my soul feels the sweetness above
Of joys that await me when freed from temptation
My heart's now in heaven the Eden of love.