10-16-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 16, Creative Grief

I have done alot of creative things since losing Abigail. I suppose it is something of a gut reaction to create something when you fail at creating life. To make something lasting, when there is nothing left of your baby to hold on to. I've also found, it's also a great way to attempt to distract yourself from your own thoughts. On the way to Florida and back for her funeral, I spent much of the long miles, coloring kaleidoscope snowflake patterns. The kids Christmas Elves intended to color them and hang them all one night last year, so I thought I'd help them out for this year. We set some of the money given for Abigail aside to help others. I designed a bracelet for Abigail, I needed to make her something, just for her, for me. Mostly I have created through my writing. It all helps you know but it's not enough.

Right now, I'm working on a bigger project. I started it Tuesday 10/13. One that I think I may have been out of my mind to start. I'm cross-stitching a Christmas stocking. I up and decided I wanted one for her this year. (Exhibit #1 for craziness: As Ruth (5) asked me, why does Abigail need a stocking if she's not alive anymore?) I looked around online, and couldn't find a needlepoint one like we had that I liked. So I did a wider search, and fell in love with a pattern only to discover it was a kit, not a finished stocking. Gary asked me what I was thinking, last project I did, which was a pillow for my mom, took me over a year and it wasn't this big. (Exhibit #2 for craziness: Cross-stitch takes forever.) I'm a little concerned, because while it has directions, I have to put it together with the felt to then turn the cross-stitch piece into a stocking. (Exhibit #3 for craziness: Mother cross-stitched all of us stockings as kids, and she wasn't able to get the last one made into a stocking, because the shop that did them for her went out of business, I have no idea if this will even work.) Furthermore as if all of that wasn't enough work, the pattern that I just had to have the toe of the stocking points the wrong way (oppose of the 5 we already have) so I'm reversing the pattern as I go. (That was Exhibit #4 for craziness if you are keeping up.) I'll let you know how it goes.