10-11-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 11, Glow in the Woods
Today is about where we have found support. One great resource for me has been www.stillstandingmag.com. There have been a lot of articles on so many topics relating to grief and loss, by so many different writers in different places on their journey. I have come to recognize that is what this, is a journey. I will always bear this sense of loss and longing, but I will be able to carry it with me. I will not forever remain bogged down in this one place, in grief, in this intensity.
The biggest help has come from a few women I know who have travelled this road before me. I won't call them all out, because I don't know how much each of them would want to share. Why I think we should never feel ashamed of our losses, or embarrassed, or afraid of the response of others to the point of not talking about our children; I also recognize that we each determine what is ours alone, and what we want to share. However there is one person, I want to call by name, who I am sure won't mind.
Sis. Kate Richardson, who I am still waiting to meet in real life at a Church meeting, has been the single biggest help. She lost her second born, a son, nearly 30 years ago when he was born too early. She has shared Steven with me. She has shared her sense of loss. She has shared her sense of hopelessness as she held him, and watched him slip away, powerless to help him. She has shared how she tried to cope. She has encouraged me in my writing and helped me to process my feelings even when I don't fully know what it is I feel. She has reassured me, that all of these are normal to work through. She has talked to me for as long as I have wanted no matter what time of the day or night, when I have jumped on Facebook chat. She has encouraged me in the faith we share, sharing her studies following her loss. She has shown me that even after unbearable loss, we can find beauty and hope. That we can let this be a testimony in our lives to ourselves and others of the truth that He walks with us, and He gives us great strength. Most of all she has shown me that I am not alone. Not alone in my loss, not alone in my grief, not alone. Even when I feel like Elijah and cry out "I, and even I only am left." (I Kings 19:10. There is the Lord with me and there are others, both who have felt loss and those who feel our loss with us. And for all of these things, I cannot say thank you enough.