After having a little time for the numbness and shock to wear off, we have regrouped from the reeling news that Gary's position has been eliminated.  It is disappointing to have a job that we hoped to be with for the next 30 years just dry up and disappear.  While still getting a slightly alarmed feeling whenever Gary unexpectedly came home at unexpected times, I had pretty much found a state of normal in our routines.  We have lived in this house for 2 years and 2 months, longer than any place we've been in our married lives, and I have learned my way around.  I haven't made many friends, I'm just not that good at the social thing, outside of Church people I guess, but I have made a few good friends.

I suppose for me the biggest disappointment is that I had begun to dream again about the possibilities of living in this area for the next 30 years.  We have nearly paid off all the debt but our student loans, and while we were still 2-5 years away from looking for our own home, we've had some fun driving around and looking at places for sale, or land and talking about what we might would build.  We had decided rather than be 15 mins north of work we'd rather be 15-20 minutes South, so that we could be closer to Halifax where most of the kids friends are, and be 30 mins or so closer to town, co-op, and Church.

I am frustrated too, in that we tried to be so diligent this year with our finances and planning when to have another child, only to be out of work and pregnant again.  I don't know of anything that I would have done differently, but it's frustrating to attempt to be responsible and it not work out much better.  It just goes to prove despite my OCD, micro managing, and planner obsessed personality, job security is always an illusion.  Self-sufficiency is pretty much the same.

I hurt most though, for Gary who works so hard and never complains, who I know it absolutely killed to have to come and tell me this news again.  I think he's about have prefered anything to having to tell me.

I am a bit sad for the kids.  Britt remembers a few things about Indiana and Florida, Ruth only remembers their fun hiding hole/play space in Indiana.  This is really the only home that they know.  When we told the kids on Thursday, the first thing Ruth said, is that she didn't want to leave our house with her purple room and her bed.  I suppose the worst part of telling Britt was him realizing that it meant no "fiddle lessons" with one of his best friend's mom, we had hoped to let him start in August.  Even since telling them that we probably won't stay in the immediate area, they are talking about playing t-ball together for the Gratz Grizzlies in the spring.

They will survive though, they are resilient little people, and I'm trying to not let our daily routine look much different.  They still have to complete morning chores before they get to eat breakfast, though Daddy does more for their breakfast than I did.  We still have tried to start school by 10 in the morning.  The routine of homeschooling has helped, even though this has just happened.  They have some structure to their days, and I still have a reason to be busy during my mornings.  When they have their free time in the afternoons I sit down with Gary and work on reactivating all the old search engines, and start weeding through likely job positions.

We have done all the initial leg work, contacting the old recruiter, filing for the unemployment that Gary has paid in over the last two years.  Several big ag companies are looking to hire right now.  Southern States Co-op for one is hiring about 50 new positions, we are trying to find the best matches, as we learned last time, that applying for too many positions with one company made them toss you out for all the positions.  Because you didn't seem to have depth in any one area, and you reeked of desperation.  But hey, we were pretty desperate.  haha.

In ways, while still supremely disappointing, this feels a little old hat.  I mean we've been down this road twice before, and if it had to happen again, we've never been this financially secure.  We have a little savings, we've nearly paid off all the old unemployment debt, and we don't plan to use debt to live on this time.  We think unemployment will give us just enough to scrape by on when coupled with our savings, and hope that this time, with the economy back on an upswing, this will be really short lived.  To be honest in some ways, it's not as scary this time.  Gary says I've gotten pretty good at stretching our budget, and it makes me feel alot better to know that he has that confidence in me.

Ultimately though, I haven't panicked this time, don't get me wrong, I am concerned, and it was a shock that we didn't see coming.  But we have learned throughout the past that God will provide.  After all He always has.  Very often through His people who gave us help when we didn't expect it and when they didn't even know how much it was needed.  We don't believe that "all things work together for good" that God caused this and is planning something even better from it. We know those verses in Romans 8 refer to God predestinating, calling, justifying, and glorifying His people - their eternal security. That no matter what happens in this life our eternal home is secure because of all that work on His part. However, we also believe in the Providence of God. That He doesn't just work all those things to our eternal security, but that He also cares about us here, and that He is able to provide for our daily needs. We have every confidence that He will lead us to where He wants us next, and will help us to know which job is right for us.

Overall we are trying to remain positive. We have long felt that the Lord wanted us at Old Carroll and while we might be wrong, we aren't feeling that our time is up there yet. We've often wondered why He put us in PA only to drive 2 1/2 to Church. Perhaps this is our chance to find a job closer to them. I have often lamented the overbearing homeschool law here in PA, and a state like Virginia would be much more homeschool friendly. We have never had the opportunity in our married life to live close to my family, perhaps this is a chance to find a job closer to them. We felt at peace in leaving Little Union and South Florida, though we didn't especially want to go, perhaps this is a chance to once again be closer to them. Britt said, "Maybe God will let us go to Texas for the next job!" He is so obsessed with that state. Maybe he is right though. We have no idea where the next job will be but are trying to focus on the excitement of a new adventure. Life isn't over, we just experienced a huge bend in the road that we didn't see before.