I like swimming because I can swim super far with one arm.  And it's super fun with Daddy, Britt, and Rebecca.  I like it because I know have my new very own floaty.  It is pink and it glows.  And I also got a beach ball from Aunt Heather for my birthday.  I use to be scared because I couldn't touch the bottom.  Now I know I can touch the bottom, but at Granddaddy Garland's pool I can't.  But I know I can make it and come back.  I only like swimming under water, because it's the funest kind of swimming.  I like to practice doing a loopy-loop under water.

It's super easy for mermaids, because they are born in the water.  Some die in the water too.  Them are super good swimmers.  I want to become a super good swimmer too.  And swimming is more fun with people.  Me and Daddy playing beach ball.  Daddy and Aunt Joan was on one team, and all the kids was on the other team.  Swimming is also fun because I have swimming toys and swimming stuff.

Last month we made ancient writing for school.  Ancient writing is a kind of reading with pictures of what happened a long time ago.  This kind of ancient writing is called cuneiform.  We also studied hieroglyphs.  Cuneiform is where people write things way, way long ago, past a few centuries and years.  Over time clay tablets start to break like everything and they are heavy, so apparently you have to do important things on there.  Like records.  The Egyptians learned to make paper so they started doing heiroglyphs on it.  But you know paper can get ruined by alot of stuff like fire and water, or over time turn into paper.  So even though we do that alot with paper, we should do things with other things too.  So we don't really know alot about Egypt when they wrote with paper, but we know alot about when they wrote on clay tablets or in stone.

My ancient writing didn't work out well.  We had to do it in a special sunny spot, or it wouldn't work.  We put it in the sun to bake, but it rained so much and got wet so much, when they were almost done, that it messed up all the play-dough.  I made a t-Rex and a triceratops but I can't remember the rest of it.  It has been my favorite part of school so far.  I hope we make Egyptian writing too.

Me love fishing.  Me like fishing.  No, no, no.  Me love fishing.  Me love fishing with Momma and Daddy.  Me have an Elsa fishing pole with a little blue fish.  Me like to cast, and then reel reel reel.  Daddy say you have to be quiet or the fish will hear you.

Abigail,

Happy Birthday!  I don't really think it means anything to you in Heaven, a place not only where we never grow old, but a place outside of time.  But this day will forever mean something special to me, so happy 1st still-birthday.
So I sat here for a while, just looking at the cursor flash.  I wasn't sure what to say.  I mean I can't write about how you have grown and changed.  I can't write what our hopes and plans for the next year include.  It's kinda like a birthday party we went to last week.  It was cute.  This beautiful little girl with dark, dark eyes laughing and figuring out a smash cake, covering the balloons in frosting, and her 3 year old sister trying to teach her how to unwrap presents.  It was fun and sweet, and then all of a sudden it hit me once again what all we are missing out on with you.











It's been a hard week.  Yesterday was the worst, the day we found out, the day our entire life changed.  This whole week has been miserable though.  It's depressing as all get out not only to have the child we hoped for and dreamed about, but to not have gotten pregnant in the year following our loss has just added insult to injury.  I've spent more time crying between Saturday night and today than I have in the last several months.  I suppose it's true that grief comes in waves.



Despite the week, we wanted today to be special.  Daddy took off work, and after a few errands this morning, which included your brother and sister picking out a plant with Daddy for you, we set out to celebrate for you and be thankful for your brief life.  We headed up to "see" you, and had a cupcakes at the cemetery.   Your siblings played and we all spent some time on your swing, which we had made as your birthday present.  Daddy read through the thank you notes and letters we received after we lost you.  And I took alot of pictures.  Daddy sung your song before we left, and Ruth insisted we sing happy birthday so we did.  Daddy wants to take everyone to play putt-putt golf, so we did that afterward.  We had a good time, despite the heat, and the painfully slow pace.  Watching the rest of the kids play was pretty entertaining.  Britt was the only one who had played before, but they all enjoyed it.  We had supper before making the long drive home.  Everyone had a good day.  Ruth thought it would have been better to celebrate with you.  Britt worried that you liked chocolate better than vanilla, and was unhappy that the ants were eating your cupcake when we left.  Rebecca said it was a fun birthday.  It was a good day.

We love you and miss you, and long for the day we will meet you,
Love,
Momma

I love to fish so much that I asked for fake bait for my birthday.  I have red fake worms and pink fake worms.  I buyed them from Bass Pro Shop with money from Grandmother and Granddaddy for my birthday.  And I got me a little fishing thing with two hooks to catch the fish with.  I also got a pink feathery thing like Daddy's yellow feathery thing he uses to fish with.  Memaw also got me a fishing shirt to wear when I fish with Daddy.  I have only tried out the fake worms so far.  Daddy says I have to get good at using fake worms, before trying the other stuff.  We almost caught a fish with the red worm, but not yet with my pink worm.  The fish got away, it wasn't hooked enough.  But I got to through back Dancy-Flippy, a little fish Daddy caught.  Rebecca named it that because she said it looked like it was dancing when Daddy flipped it.  Fishing is probably my favorite thing to do with Daddy.  It so fun going fishing with Daddy.  Yesterday, we caught a peacock bass and a normal bass.  The bad news is that we caught a gar and he threw him over against the tree, and me and Rebecca told him, "Yous in time out!"  Rebecca is still practicing casting she isn't as good as me yet, but I think she is better than Britt.  Britt caught a big fish yesterday.  He was excited, but as he was reeling it in, it got away.  And Daddy was right about those red worms, I got alot of bites.  But them got away.  The end.

The Alpha flies. He froze them all except the tank.  But the tank knew what to do, even if it might hurt the other time.  Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, his cannon shot the ice off the rest of his team.  The Carnotaurus broke out of the ice with his horns somehow.  Then he jumped right on the tank.  Boom, Boom, Boom again.  The dump truck flips him all the way up into space (more sound effects for a while) all the way onto the moon.  The helicopter can fly again, but when the Alpha saw him he roared like a storm and froze the helicopter.  So many booms broke the ice, and the tank said there is only one way to win this battle, we have to defeat the boss.  He gathered the toughest of his team to go Dump Truck, Dozer, and the other tank.  The three bravest of his team, went to destroy the boss, the Alpha.  The Helicopter and Heatwave and the little Dozer tracker will take care of the rest.  The Alpha struck with his ice, but missed them all.  So then the tank shot him at the top of the mountain, and he shot him again, and he is dead.  To make sure he puts his gun in his heart and BAM.  After the battle though he was still alive.  I'll get you next time he grunts.  The End. (story dictated by and all photos taken by Britt)

Ruth,

Happy Birthday, Sunshine.  This post is a little late, but I'll back date it.  In some ways you haven't changed at all this year.  You are still eager to please, very compassionate toward others, desire to be helpful, have strong opinions, and are still excited about school.  In other ways I can see how much you have changed.  You are so much taller this year than last.  You are becoming more of a planner and worrier, in complete contrast to a year ago.  You are no longer afraid of the water or math.  And for the first time, have expressed interest in Churchy things by asking questions that never bothered you before.

You have grown alot, especially in the last several months.  It appears to finally be all legs.  From the time you were born, pants in each new size would fit in the waist, but be way too long.  And suddenly a few weeks ago, the size 6 pants are right about the right length.  You are looking more grown in the face than you have in the past.  Maybe it's the new haircut, or the increase in freckles, but you seem to have lost alot of baby fat in your face.  You still have your adorable squishy eyes though.  You also played tball for the first time this year.  At first it was something you wanted to do because of Britt.  Then you didn't like all the practice.  But right at the end, you decided you loved it and wanted to do it again next year.  You have also branched out and begun swimming under the water on your own in the water.  Out of nowhere the day before your birthday, you just did it.  Your confidence is growing, and we are excited to see you able to do more and more.  It's funny to think when you were born, all you could do was lay there and cry, but now we can watch you play ball, swim, and grow.


You have come so far in school this year as well.  You are really reading now.  Slow, and still sounding out alot of words, but you are reading.  Short vowels, long vowels, tricks with two vowels and silent e.  You have completely caught up to Britt.  While he is a little faster and smoother of a reader, you are both to the point in the current reading book, that you have learned all the sounds you need, it's just a matter of practice and fluency.  You have almost caught up to him in math as well.  You have mastered your addition facts, and are moving through subtraction with great speed.  You rarely make mistakes, and seem to have a good grasp of it.  You were bored with science by the end of last school year, but seem to enjoy history.  I have told you that history is a giant story, from the moment God created the world, till it ends, and it is made up of many little stories.  And like me, you enjoy the stories.  Art remains your absolute favorite part of school, and you insist that when you grow up you are going to be an artist.

The biggest change in you, to me though, is your inner thought life.  You very often bring me questions and concerns that never crossed your mind before.  You ask about Heaven, sometimes in the context of wondering what Abigail is doing or likes, and sometimes asking why God made earth if He like Heaven better.  You and Britt have often talked about one day after we do our debt free scream with Dave Ramsey, then we can go to Disney World for the first time.  But the other day out of nowhere you were very worried that buying a house would be more debt and that we wouldn't have enough money.  A very different question than Britt who only worried it might delay his Disney trip.  You have asked if other people don't like you, if you should do something different, as you haven't found a close friend since moving back to Florida.  You really enjoy filling in your planner, not only because it's an art thing we do together, but you also seem to really like knowing what is coming next.  Very unlike Daddy and the you of a year ago.  You have stopped asking for another sibling, even though you say you want one.  You told me just a bit ago, that "having another baby makes you both a little scared and a little happy.  It could turn out sad like Abigail, or happy like Rebecca, me and Britt."  You think more and I suppose live in the moment a little less.

You have grown up in so many ways in the last year, something that makes us happy and sad.  We love you and your sweet heart so much.  And pray all the best for you, and can't wait to see where that compassionate spirit will take you in life.

We love you,
Momma