Rebecca has been potty training for a little more than 2 weeks. We are having good days with it where she tells me when she needs to go and has no accidents. Then we have bad days where she not only won't tell me when she needs to go, but doesn't tell me when she's had an accident. We went cold turkey, no more pull ups or diapers, but straight panties. I'm taking the frog potty in the car with us when we drive out of our little town, since there is nothing around us when she needs to stop. She's had no accidents in town or in the car, since she's told me whenever she needs to go. She's dry every morning when she wakes up. In alot of ways I feel like we are finished, it's just a matter of Little Bit being consistent.
I have been doing alot of work on my faerie garden. First, I painted my faerie house, but I already told you about that. Next, Daddy painted the bunny and the lattices for me with spray paint that I bought by myself at Walmart. Then, I painted the suns to hang back on the wall. One is me, and one is Britt, and one is Daddy. Today I will paint the moon with twinkle stars, and that is Momma. I need to find Rebecca a moon or star.
Last week, I used my glitter sticky kit and made a faerie box. I'm going to write notes for faeries and maybe a faerie will come in my faerie house and write me back. I got little pieces of sticky foam and rubbed glitter sheets on them. I liked it alot. I have a box and a little mirror.
Yesterday, after T-ball practice, Momma and I went to Walmart to buy flowers. First, we looked at things. There was "cactuses" and pink plants, and a big big orange tree with blooms on it that I'm going to go back and get. Then after we looked, I picked the flowers I wanted, and Momma helped me put them in the buggy and then in the car. I paid for it with my own money that I've been saving up. I still have alot so Momma said I can take Daddy back to see the orange flower tree and get it if he says ok.
Today, we planted the flowers. I let Britt and Rebecca help. We planted some sunflower seeds and some purple flowers to climb on the lattices. I planted some pink flowers and little yellow and blue flowers. I planted some bulbs that will be pink and purple. I need to get a few more things. Then I will decorate with my other stuff. I love my faerie garden.
12:04 PM
No random thoughts
Indiana Jones doesn't go anywhere without his hat. He has a whip and he is afraid of snakes, because in number 3, when he was kid, he feel in a snake pit. There was a venomous snake with long fangs. Once he feel in a lion cart, and that's where he got his whip. The first time he used it, he got his cheek, but after that he got the lion. His nickname is Indie. The Holy Grail was stole by the "Natzis" and he had to stop them. He stop them, but the holy grail and water won't really make you live forever, that part is not true. Momma says Indiana Jones is still alive. He found the cross that was stole from a museum. Then he was on a boat trying to get it back. It almost washed off but he caught it and said, "It belongs in a museum." Then the bad guys fell off the boat in a stormy night. Then the "Natzis" come in a big tank and he sticks a rock in the tank gun and it explodes. Then he almost falls off with the tank and some of the "Yahtzees." His dad thought he died, but he climbed back up and his hat blew back.
I like Indiana Jones because he goes on great adventures, and because he's also just like a cowboy. When I grow up I'm going to be an archeologist that helps Indiana Jones, and I'm going to have a whip and a hat just like him. I like the hat better than other kinds of hats, because it's like Indiana Jones, and it's been on so many adventures with me, just like Niagra Falls where it got so wet. My first hat got lost, but Ss. Kate got me a new one. Ad it's just like the old one. I'm going to wear it everywhere too, yesterday I wore it to baseball practice.
I like Indiana Jones because he goes on great adventures, and because he's also just like a cowboy. When I grow up I'm going to be an archeologist that helps Indiana Jones, and I'm going to have a whip and a hat just like him. I like the hat better than other kinds of hats, because it's like Indiana Jones, and it's been on so many adventures with me, just like Niagra Falls where it got so wet. My first hat got lost, but Ss. Kate got me a new one. Ad it's just like the old one. I'm going to wear it everywhere too, yesterday I wore it to baseball practice.
11:40 AM
No random thoughts
I recently finished reading "Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled" by Elder Michael Gowens. Santa bought it from Sovereign Grace Publications for me in my book bag and stocking this past Christmas. I've been reading it a chapter at a time, and studying many of the verses that he uses in each chapter. And it's been incredibly helpful. I'd recommend it to anyone. There are a lot of good things in it. And even though I read the chapter on grief about three different times in the last 2 months, I find many of the other topics just as pertinent. After all grief for me has brought loneliness and fear, has heightened anxiety, and mostly been an intense battle with depression.
This has been an incredible help as I muddle through this experience. The days that I read a chapter or spend some time studying out the verses typically have been my better days. It's been a help in applying verses I knew with my head, but weren't feeling and implementing in my heart. I want to share one especially helpful section near the very end on hope. I'll share the first paragraph for the context of the second...
The other thing I have done in working through my grief, is actually setting aside some time to think about everything that happened and to think about Abigail now. I quickly figured out that my tendency to stuff my feelings and do things that need doing, lead to worse days and they happened more frequently. The truth is that it's easy to stay busy with three living children, homeschooling, cook, and housekeeper. She is always in the back of my mind, but I can't get things done when I dwell on it. And yet I still need to. Sometimes I do that by writing in her journal, sometimes I do that by working on her stocking. I even signed up for two grief workshops and have some art journaling prompts similar to the writing project I did back in October.
It may sound crazy to "schedule" grieving time, but I find that when I work on these things. I give myself permission to make sense of the things I hated about the experience, things that the hospital did that didn't help, things I should have done that I didn't know to do. It helps to give myself permission to wonder what she would have been like, and to wonder what she is doing right now. It helps to go over and over and over in my mind the things I know about Heaven to place her there. It helps to figure out what this mess is that I currently am. I've cried and begged Gary to fix me, that I don't like me, that I want to be where he is, since he's "over it." He of course can't, only I can work through this, grief is very lonely in that way.
This has been an incredible help as I muddle through this experience. The days that I read a chapter or spend some time studying out the verses typically have been my better days. It's been a help in applying verses I knew with my head, but weren't feeling and implementing in my heart. I want to share one especially helpful section near the very end on hope. I'll share the first paragraph for the context of the second...
Consider an Old Testament example of how hope saves the believer from despair. Jeremiah reached the point of hopeless despair as he walked in the smoldering ruins of Jerusalem. He cried, "My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord" (Lam. 3:18). Suddenly, like Hopeful, he was startled by an epiphany. As a man half amazed he remembered something else: "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not;" (Lam. 3;21-22). Hope replaced hopelessness when he realized that though the destruction around him was significant, yet life remained. He was still alive, as well as many, many others. The nation had not been annihilated. Indeed, the temple was gone, but the people themselves had not been wiped out. Life remained, and the mercy of God remained in fresh supply at the beginning of each new day. This salutary reminder gave him hope to face the unknown tomorrow.
It will give you hope to face the unknown tomorrow as well when you focus your mind on the things that remain, not the things you have lost. Life remains, Today remains. His mercy for today remains. His promise remains. His love remains the same, whether in sunshine or in shadow. (emphasis mine)It was unbearable to have to give birth to a baby that was gone. It's unbearable to have to continue each day without her. Children eventually bury their parents, you don't expect to bear your babies. But "His mercies are new every morning" and make each day bearable. It isn't having other kids that helps, it isn't having my own health that helps, it isn't things that help but feeling and knowledge of His love. More than any one other thing, reading and studying what God has to say about everything helps.
The other thing I have done in working through my grief, is actually setting aside some time to think about everything that happened and to think about Abigail now. I quickly figured out that my tendency to stuff my feelings and do things that need doing, lead to worse days and they happened more frequently. The truth is that it's easy to stay busy with three living children, homeschooling, cook, and housekeeper. She is always in the back of my mind, but I can't get things done when I dwell on it. And yet I still need to. Sometimes I do that by writing in her journal, sometimes I do that by working on her stocking. I even signed up for two grief workshops and have some art journaling prompts similar to the writing project I did back in October.
It may sound crazy to "schedule" grieving time, but I find that when I work on these things. I give myself permission to make sense of the things I hated about the experience, things that the hospital did that didn't help, things I should have done that I didn't know to do. It helps to give myself permission to wonder what she would have been like, and to wonder what she is doing right now. It helps to go over and over and over in my mind the things I know about Heaven to place her there. It helps to figure out what this mess is that I currently am. I've cried and begged Gary to fix me, that I don't like me, that I want to be where he is, since he's "over it." He of course can't, only I can work through this, grief is very lonely in that way.
5:02 PM
No random thoughts
I came up with a new superhero. His name is Speed Boy. He has a family of super heroes. His daddy's power is super strength. His mother's power is she can become invisible. Ruth's power is that she can read people's minds. Then there is Rebecca, I mean his other little sister, and her power is that she can be invisible only in the water. Speed Boy is a little like Dash in the Incredibles movie, except he can only run on land. Then an evil robot shows up to come and attack the city. His dad says, "Team, fight that robot." Suddenly when he goes to smash the robot, he shoots his claw out so that he can't get it. But then Ruth reads the robot's mind, and speed Boy goes round and round so he gets dizzy. Then Momma jumps on and the daddy smashes it to the ground and shoots it with it's own claw. then they live happily ever after the end.
1:28 PM
No random thoughts
Britt,
You have been 7 for a couple of weeks now. It is always hard for me to believe that my firstborn could be so old. This year has really been a year of growth and change for you.
All those questions I wrote last year about you asking, you continue to ask. But you have also chosen to act on them as well. You asked about joining the Church the beginning of April, so we spent a month talking with you, discussing what a big decision it was. We wanted to be sure you understood what your confession of faith was, that it wasn't just a decision to making Momma and Daddy happy, or something you hadn't given thought to. We also wanted to be sure that you understood that it was more than just a confession of faith, but a promise, a lifetime commitment. In May you asked the Church to join and then were baptized.
We again had a period of unemployment this year, which resulted in a move back across the country to Florida for Daddy's new job. For the first time in your life you weren't excited about a move. Pennsylvania had undoubtable become home for you. Even know you ask when we can go back and visit, and often say that you miss your friends and your hideout in the woods there. You like what is comfortable and known, and I cannot blame you too much as I am the same way. Even in this move though you have shown alot of maturity, especially when talking about the different Churches we have visited and share your thoughts on where we should be members at.
You have also been forced to grow in another way, a way that we didn't want. We lost our baby this year, and death which was reserved for the bad guys in the superhero movies that you and Daddy love to watch together, has become very real for you. The permanence of it, and questions of Heaven come up often now. You talk about things you wanted to do with Abigail, and often go out to her stone after Church on Sundays. You always ask me if you can go and "see Abigail". Then, when I look out the window, I often see you standing there talking with no one else around. I often feel at a loss as to how to talk to you about it or comfort you, as I don't know what to even do for myself.
You continue to enjoy homeschooling, and I will confess to having used the threat of putting you in public school more than a time or two when you will not cooperate with me. I still enjoy teaching you. Science I believe remains your favorite subject this year we have studied the weather and seasons, and now are learning all about the human body, an area you have wanted to learn about for some time. You continue to do very well at math, though you don't enjoy it that much. It won't be much longer before you complete your Alpha book and will be ready for Beta. Your reading just over the summer months improved alot, and you know alot of sight words and can read short vowels. The current reading book we are in will teach you long vowels, and then I've told you that if you work hard and are diligent, you will be able to read anything, it'll just be a matter of learning what new words mean.
You are compassionate and caring about your sisters in a way that often surprises me. You attention to them and devotion is something I don't see often in boys. You make a point to include Ruth as much as possible. And Rebecca never seems to be a bother to you. You still ask for a brother, and perhaps you will get one, but I often wonder what the dynamic will be like with the age gap that you would now have.
You wanted to play t-ball last year and did. You don't have much skill yet, but you do have alot of fun. And even though you are bummed out about not being able to play for the Gratz Grizzlies again this year, you did want to play again. You will be playing baseball, and I'm curious to see how you will do. I hope the experience will teach you to be more coachable. It is a skill you need not only in baseball (and in schooling) but a life lesson. You often think you know everything, or that no one can help you to do something better. It's one area I hope to see you grow in this coming year.
I don't know what the next year will hold. But Little Boy, I know that mine and your Daddy's love for you will be a constant.
Love,
Momma
You have been 7 for a couple of weeks now. It is always hard for me to believe that my firstborn could be so old. This year has really been a year of growth and change for you.
All those questions I wrote last year about you asking, you continue to ask. But you have also chosen to act on them as well. You asked about joining the Church the beginning of April, so we spent a month talking with you, discussing what a big decision it was. We wanted to be sure you understood what your confession of faith was, that it wasn't just a decision to making Momma and Daddy happy, or something you hadn't given thought to. We also wanted to be sure that you understood that it was more than just a confession of faith, but a promise, a lifetime commitment. In May you asked the Church to join and then were baptized.
We again had a period of unemployment this year, which resulted in a move back across the country to Florida for Daddy's new job. For the first time in your life you weren't excited about a move. Pennsylvania had undoubtable become home for you. Even know you ask when we can go back and visit, and often say that you miss your friends and your hideout in the woods there. You like what is comfortable and known, and I cannot blame you too much as I am the same way. Even in this move though you have shown alot of maturity, especially when talking about the different Churches we have visited and share your thoughts on where we should be members at.
You have also been forced to grow in another way, a way that we didn't want. We lost our baby this year, and death which was reserved for the bad guys in the superhero movies that you and Daddy love to watch together, has become very real for you. The permanence of it, and questions of Heaven come up often now. You talk about things you wanted to do with Abigail, and often go out to her stone after Church on Sundays. You always ask me if you can go and "see Abigail". Then, when I look out the window, I often see you standing there talking with no one else around. I often feel at a loss as to how to talk to you about it or comfort you, as I don't know what to even do for myself.
You continue to enjoy homeschooling, and I will confess to having used the threat of putting you in public school more than a time or two when you will not cooperate with me. I still enjoy teaching you. Science I believe remains your favorite subject this year we have studied the weather and seasons, and now are learning all about the human body, an area you have wanted to learn about for some time. You continue to do very well at math, though you don't enjoy it that much. It won't be much longer before you complete your Alpha book and will be ready for Beta. Your reading just over the summer months improved alot, and you know alot of sight words and can read short vowels. The current reading book we are in will teach you long vowels, and then I've told you that if you work hard and are diligent, you will be able to read anything, it'll just be a matter of learning what new words mean.
You are compassionate and caring about your sisters in a way that often surprises me. You attention to them and devotion is something I don't see often in boys. You make a point to include Ruth as much as possible. And Rebecca never seems to be a bother to you. You still ask for a brother, and perhaps you will get one, but I often wonder what the dynamic will be like with the age gap that you would now have.
You wanted to play t-ball last year and did. You don't have much skill yet, but you do have alot of fun. And even though you are bummed out about not being able to play for the Gratz Grizzlies again this year, you did want to play again. You will be playing baseball, and I'm curious to see how you will do. I hope the experience will teach you to be more coachable. It is a skill you need not only in baseball (and in schooling) but a life lesson. You often think you know everything, or that no one can help you to do something better. It's one area I hope to see you grow in this coming year.
I don't know what the next year will hold. But Little Boy, I know that mine and your Daddy's love for you will be a constant.
Love,
Momma
5:29 PM
No random thoughts