Will and Jon,

The two of you are now 10 months old.  My how the time seems to fly.  This past month has seen an explosion in what you are able to do.  You both cruise a lot, but especially you Will.  Often you seem to prefer stepping and moving along hand over hand, lurching between pieces of furniture instead of crawling.  Jon still lets go and stands sometimes, but if you can't reach the next piece of furniture, you let go sit down and crawl.  And because you work so much at it, you have gotten really fast with the crawling.

You both are eating much better.  You have breakfast, lunch and supper now along with nursing.  Jon is liking baby food and mashed up or pureed stuff better.  Will prefers actual food, and really dislikes purees.  Will you are still the better eater on average.  Jon you are doing better, but for some strange reason, almost every bite no matter what it is you take it out of your mouth and look at it before putting it back in and eating it.  It's incredibly messy, and I have no idea what purpose it serves, it's not like it is really any different than the millisecond before when you saw it on the spoon.  Both of you have 4 teeth all the way in now.  Jon you have run a bit of a fever this morning, and your upper gums are swollen, so I suppose you are working on the next two upper teeth.  You are both eating a variety of fruits, veggies, bread, and sometimes meat now.

In pure desperation a few weeks ago, after a night where I was up 6 times in 8 hours for a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes each time, I started researching sleep training.  Your siblings for the most part all figured out the sleeping thing on their own, but that wasn't happening with the two of you.  The first night was pure torture.  Will you screamed for an hour and 40 minutes before you gave up and went to sleep.  I went in about every 15 minutes or so and settled you down, but you didn't want to sleep in that bed.  Jon protested along with you for about an hour before he gave up.  Over the last two weeks, we have gone from that to you, Will going down and rolling over to snuggle into the covers with no fussing at night.  Jon still fusses between 2 and 5 minutes at night.  About till I get out of the room.  It is like you think if I fuss she might come back, and when I leave, you decide it's not worth the trouble anymore.  We have this routine now, after your baths, I nurse you both, carry you to you room and hold you while glow worm plays a song or two, and then I put you both down with it still playing between 9 and 9:30.  I have been nursing you once during the night usually between midnight and 1, but the last 3 or 4 nights, you have both slept through till around 7:30 or 8 in the morning.

Naps on the other hand are still rough.  Sometimes you will take about an hour nap, and sometimes you spend the whole hour pitching a fit.  Sometimes even when I get the two of you up, Jon continues to complain, as if to let me know that he is NOT pleased with my behavior.  Will usually takes two naps a day now, Jon always takes one, but not always both.  We keep putting you down, hoping despite the time change and the Florida Fellowship Meeting last weekend, to eventually get the naps straightened out too.  The change in your sleep has left you both more content to sit and play in the floor.  You aren't as demanding to be held now.  Though Will still enjoys cuddling some every day.

You both say da-da, both just babbling, and when looking at your Daddy.  Will looked straight at me and said ma-ma for the first time this morning, which made me so happy.  You both also say something like Bruh-Bruh that the kids are sure is Britt.  I really think you use it for several of your siblings though.  It is crazy to think we have 6 weeks left in the year, and then you will be 1.  I think you will be walking long before then.

We love you, sweet boys,
Love,
Momma

 

Dear Will and Jon,

If you could plan to start regularly sleeping through the night in your own crib from let's say 11 till 7 that would be greatly appreciated.  Last month Will you were doing so well, until you started cutting teeth.  First, things were off for about a week, while you were cutting the two bottom teeth, and several days following.  Things kinda settled back into routine and then you started working on a top tooth and the last week and a half has been rough again.  Jon always wakes up at least once in the night, but usually 2 or 3 times between midnight and 7 am.  We have started doing some exercises with you to help your startle reflexes to relax, I actually do them with both of you, and think that Will is napping a little easier in the day, though it's still too early to tell if they are helping.

This past week with Daddy gone and getting our house ready to sell has been extra challenging.  You are both frequently into everything.  I have to assign each of you to a kid while I work.  The dog's water bowl being the most interesting toy around.  It is clear that you understand the sound I make to get your attention and mean no.  I would say most of the time you then stop what you are doing, but later on, will see it and go back to it.

You are both pulling up and crawling everywhere.  Will, you cruise on the furniture from time to time, but Jon has begun letting go while standing.  Daddy was watching you earlier tonight, and was surprised at how much difference a week has made.  He wonders if Jon will be the first to walk, since you seem to have the better balance at this point.

You both remain such happy boys, especially when being held or played with.  In the last month, Kate has begun playing with you more and more.  However, she is having more trouble telling the two of you apart.  You both seem to enjoy the attention from her.  Though she is put out when you pull down the forts that she builds, or aren't interested in the book she is reading, or the game she wants you to take part in.  You are both eager to play with toys and explore everything with your hands and your mouths.  Though Will is quick to take whatever he is interested in, Jon doesn't just surrender the item and move on now.  You both crawl all over each other and if we lay in the floor you will crawl back and forth over us.  I feel like I know what a mother dog feels like as you climb and roll over each other and me, until you decide that you need to nurse again, and make a bee-line for me, and attempt to get my shirt out of your way.

You have also become rather affectionate and talkative.  Will you have always loved to cuddle but you love to drop your chin and burrow your face into my shoulder or neck then lean back and smile.  I am convinced you are giving hugs.  Jon, sometimes open mouth kisses and then laughs.  You both love to be kissed to excess and will start laughing.  You also both really like to be tickled, and often will grab my hand when I quit to tell me to do it again.  About a week and a half ago or so I heard da-da for the first time, but we weren't sure who said it as you were sitting together.  Since then I'm sure I have heard Jon say it twice more when looking at or pointing at Daddy, so I'm convinced you are trying to say Daddy.  Daddy doesn't believe me though.  Two days ago for the first time I heard Will making a M sound and waving his arms for me.  I've decided that he was calling me, even if Daddy said that didn't remotely count as it was mixed in with a bunch of other sounds, and hasn't been repeated since.

Thankfully, you are both eating better.  Jon has finally decided that food isn't a trick to kill him, and willingly eats some.  I have been patient, frequently offering, but not stressing over how much either of you eat.  You both continue to nurse really well, and are growing and gaining skills.  I just hope you have gained enough by your doctor's appointment that the doctor won't fuss so much about your growth charts.  This month we have also introduced finger foods, letting you pick up melts and puffs to feed yourselves.  I also give you a decent sized piece of broccoli that lets you suck on and eat the soft part but not so small for the stem to be a choking hazard.  You have both tried and enjoyed Red Lobster biscuits as well, a treat I would have just as soon kept for myself.

Boys, you give us great joy each day, though some of that might be hysteria from lack of sleep, seriously lets just start sleeping this month ok?  I can't describe how much we enjoy just watching the two of you and your infectiously joyful personalities.  I know that we are better parents, and more relaxed in our parenting than we were with Britt, and in many ways you two will benefit from that.  While I often miss your big sister in Heaven, the two of you give us such a sense of completion and peace that we didn't even know we were missing.  We pray that God bless and guide you always, and that you will always find the joy in life, and live lives that are honoring to him.  We love you,

Love,
Momma

Dear Boys,

It is 10:20 at night and for the first time in our lives you both appear to be down and asleep in your own crib.  Sleep has been rather elusive over the last month once again.  While Will, was sleeping from 11 to 3 and again after eating until 7:30, occasionally skipping that 3 am feeding, that hasn't happened but twice in the last month.  Will, you are still the easiest to get down at night and for naps, settling on your stomach and not stirring as much.  Jon, you have defeated your father, and basically sleep every night in our bed.  We rarely even make any effort to try to move you anymore, and just nurse you to sleep in our bed a little before midnight, so that we can try to be going to bed ourselves by then.  You just will not sleep unless you are touching me, and it doesn't seem to matter just how "out of it" you APPEAR to be, you are instantly awake and pitching a fit if I'm not there.  In desperation, we have even tried putting a baby mattress in the floor of our closet, so that I can lay in the floor and nurse you and then slip away.  The longest that has worked is about an hour and a half.  Your Daddy was determined to let you cry it out.  One night you screamed for 20 minutes straight and then abruptly stopped.  Turns out Ruth had woken up and thought she would give us a break by taking you to bed with her.  Another night, Daddy let you go for 37 minutes, before I couldn't stand it any longer and he agreed to let me go and bring you back to our bed.  Saturday night I got to sleep from 12:30 to 6 am, it was the best I've felt in a month or more.  Twin sleep deprivation, could be an effective torture technic for the military.

Naps are really no better than the nights.  Will, you are easier to get down, but still mostly have to be nursed to sleep and wore to stay asleep.  You typically will nap for an hour to an hour and a half so long as Kate and her screechiness or something else doesn't wake you up.  Jon, (it is now 10:40 and you are back awake) Jon, you only cat nap once or twice a day about 20 minutes at a time, and only if I am wearing you.  There is always a chunk of our school day that I have one of you on my back and one on my front, which is unbelievably heavy.  Both of you fight sleep like banshees.  I can watch you fail and jerk your head around in an attempt to make yourself more alert, I've never seen the like.

Will, you seem to love your time in the floor.  You are crawling with a lot of speed, pulling up on EVERYTHING you see, and even taking a few tentative steps along the couch as you hang on.  I pulled out the play yard to block you off a section of the living room, since I couldn't seem to keep you from playing in the dog water bowl, but you hate to be confided.  Sometimes I just move the bowl to the sink and let you have run of the house.  One minute you will be playing with toys so I will sneak off, and then before I know it, I can hear you slapping along the tile as you come to find me, just a grinning.

Jon, you roll around, and in the last week have finally started to inch around a little bit on your belly.  Mostly you move backwards, but occasionally you push yourself forward.  Just this morning, though you've been sitting up for a little while now, you figured out how to get from your stomach to sitting up, all on your own.  Since you really aren't mobile and seem to be frustrated by the entire concept of crawling, you still aren't happy to just hang out in the floor for all that long, before you are fussing to be held and entertained.

(Jon, it is 10:51 and you went back to sleep with Rebecca holding you, Daddy just tried to put you to bed, and he didn't even get his hands off of you before you started fussing, so you are back to nursing in my lap.)  You both have big laughs, big smiles, and love to babble at us.  I still think Jon talks more and uses more sounds, but you both like to talk to us answering us when we pause in talking to you.  You both will reach for me, but it seems to be hit or miss with the others.  Rebecca also thinks you are giving me real kisses now, but I am not sure it happens except when you are still a little hungry so I'm not sure it's genuine.  Neither of you hug back, but Will loves to lean into me and hum so I will give him a good squeeze and grunt.

You both still love bath time and have a real interest in your toys.  Everything goes in your mouth to be explored, so I am constantly policing the floor for dropped food, toys, and school supplies that you don't need.  Both of you really love the small blocks especially Will.  Jon just likes to dump them out and then he doesn't care so much, but Will likes to handle them.  Of course if I try to stack them at all you both immediately start swing at them in a destructive but gleeful rampage.  You aren't as interested in balls or cars, though you both do like the football as you can get one end in your mouth and Hot Wheels cars as they too fit just right in your mouth.

For all that though, Jon you still HATE to eat.  It is rare that we ever get more than 3 to 5 bites into you, and anything we feed you still often ends up being pushed right back out with your tongue, so it takes 2 or 3 tries for each bite till you get it down.  Will, loves to eat.  You reach for anything, and even when you make faces will go back for second and third bites, just to be sure whether or not it was really as bad as you thought at first.  The only thing that time hasn't convinced you that you really do like after all is grits, which you steadfastly refuse and spit out.  You have both had applesauce, avocado, sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, and mashed potatoes (though you both seem to prefer bake potato with sour cream).

(It is now 11:22, and I think I just managed to put you back in your bed Jon.  Will immediately scooted back up against you, but now Kate is fake crying in an attempt to get me to let her get up or go elsewhere so I guess we'll see how long you stay asleep this time.)  In other news, Will, you now have your first two teeth.  Ruth first felt them on Wednesday, Abigail's birthday, and I thought I did too.  Your daddy on the other hand just said, he's heard that before.  By Friday we could definitely feel one and by Sunday it was in, but the gum was swollen back up over the second tooth.  By the following Wednesday, Sept. 1st, the second one could again be felt, and by Sunday it was all the way in this time.  Daddy says maybe you'll go back to sleeping now.  I personally feel like the two of you must plan it this way, because by accident and sheer chance you should at least occasionally sleep at the same time during the day?!

The best part though is the way that you continue to discover each other.  You will reach for each other, grab and grin at one another when I hold you both.  You will both roll on Daddy before becoming distracted and fooling with each other.  Daddy fussed at Jon just last night for pulling Will's hair, not that you seemed to mind at all Will.  I told him he was starting awful early teaching you all to wrestle like the others do.  You sit together and either take toys back and forth or seem to really look at each other.  Anytime we expect the two of you to just start your own conversation with each other.  In fact, often when you aren't in the same room, you will holler for each other, the first time was at Church when Daddy and I both had you for foot-washing, so we were sitting apart.  Memaw called you dueling banjos.

We are so very thankful that the Lord blessed us with you both, even if your Daddy tells all the random strangers that ask, that he recommends one baby at a time, not twins.  Every day you help me to embrace the joy in the chaos, and let go of my perfectionism, and learn to be more flexible.  I'm not always happy with this even if it is a good thing to grow and change.  I have thought for a long time now, that the Lord gives us children that challenge us and force us to be better people - of course that doesn't stop me from telling your Daddy that obviously the Lord thought HE needed two at once to accomplish that, not me. Ha!

We love you, and thank God for you, but I'm still praying that you don't end up in bed with us tonight.
Love,
Momma

 

Dear Ruth,

We had a wonderful day just the two of us. Lunch together before some shopping. You spent a good portion of your birthday money on some resin making supplies and have plans to make some cool gifts for others. We picked you up a new dress and earrings before we went for your birthday pictures. You laughed and said you loved shopping and I told you that you aren't like me then.  It was a small glimpse what it might be like to be friends with you when you are grown.

Ruth, you are crafty, caring, and an instinctive leader. You are fantastic at taking care of your younger brothers. Unfortunately your other siblings aren't as accommodating of your desire to help. You are also good at managing responsibilities around the house. It is wonderful to see you growing and maturing into a young lady.

You are quick at your studies and work hard to excel even in challenging subjects like spelling and fractions. Infact perseverance and attention to detail in many ways are hallmarks of your personality. Everything you do, every sketch, every assignment you strive to improve. I hope this wont result in you being crippled with perfectionism like I can be at time, but that it drives you to do great things and develops your talents. It can be a difficult balance to strike.

The biggest thing you need to work on is also a failing of mine - patience and as a result being kind when you have run out of it. No one seems to be more adapt at pushing your buttons than your siblings, even when they aren't trying.  As much as it can be annoying it is up to you to control your responses. Sometimes we feel justified when we snap back at someone, but the truth is that is not the way to treat those we love.

More than anything your father and I want you to be kind and loving, a God honoring woman, and you are undoubtedly a beautiful girl inside and out.

Love,

Momma 

 

 

Will and Jon,

You have been here in our home for 6 months now.  Half a year, it feels like a big milestone.  How fast it has gone. I am beyond pleased to report that while it most often still a workout to get you both to bed at night, that neither of you has woken up before morning in almost 2 weeks.  What a difference 6 or 7 uninterrupted hours makes for your poor Momma.  Daddy can handle the sleep deprivation much better than I have ever been able to.  Will, you still go down the easiest.  We often give you a bath first, and as soon as you are done eating you are usually ready to go down.  You immediately roll over onto your stomach, no matter how asleep you seem to be.  Jon, after playing in a bath awhile, and then eating still has to be held a while most nights before you can go of to sleep.  And, if we rush setting you down too soon, the whole process has to be started over.  Thankfully, you never wake each other up at night.  Though Jon seems to love kicking Will in the morning till he is awake too.

Naps are much the same, with some work we can get you to sleep, Will, either by holding you or putting you in the swinger.  If we are very careful, we then can put you down in the playpen.  Sometimes using the pacifier if you stir.  Jon on the other hand, I have given up on trying to get down for a nap.  Occasionally you fall asleep in the swing.  But usually, when it gets to be that time, you are extremely fussy, so I put you in the baby carrier so that I can keep doing school with the older kids.  I pop your pacifier in your mouth and hold it there until you fall asleep.  Sometimes I think you are actively plotting to keep me from holding your brother.

Thankfully, though you both still want to be held, especially in the evenings, you are more content to spend time in the floor.  Sometimes we put you on your quilt in the living room with a toy or two.  Sometimes you lay upstairs on the activity mats and play with the dangling toys.  Sometimes, you lay in the play pen downstairs.  Sometimes you are together, and other times not.  You each have preferences with your toys.  Will loves the mirror and the little hard giraffe to naw on. Jon loves the glow worm and lamb.  You both have a rattle you like Will's is a little monkey and Jon's an owl.  You both love the car seat hanging toys with a little bell inside.  Nothing compares with how delighted Will gets with the table top toy.  Just tonight at supper, Britt picked up a few minutes after you dropped it.  Only for you to go nuts like you'd never seen it before.

The biggest changes this month are social.  You both try to lean for and reach toward me when I get ready to feed you.  And despite still having little to no balance you wobble and try to sit up leaning this way and that.  Jon has head butted a number of items such as my desk and the school table while sitting in laps.  Will just yesterday started leaning forward out of the swing when you drop your toys or blanket.  You lean, reach, and make the swing creak and protest at the uneven weight till we get you straightened up. Jon will sometimes roll from front to back but always gets upset and offended.  Will on the other hand will roll several times and scoot to get to someone.  Will has even begun to rock back and forth on all fours with his stomach completely off the floor.  Both of you seem to be constantly in motion especially kicking.

Jon is beating Will in Mister's "look serious" sessions.  But that's not saying much when you both smile big enough to make my jaw hurt just looking at you, as you stand all wobbly in our laps.  And your smiles are contagious.  What a blessing you are.

We love you,
Momma

 In the last few months, we have received word of three different couples that we know, who have left the Church.  It has been discouraging and demoralizing to say the least.  We have known others who have left, we have had family members leave the Church.  None of my brothers are still in the Church today.  We have known those who have been treated badly by other members and left the Church hurt and discouraged.  We have known those who have been unwilling to live a life becoming of a Church member and had to be excluded.  We have known those who fall away because it isn't the most important thing in their lives.  We have known those who no longer believe the things that we hold dear.  We have known those who no longer feel that the Church has anything to offer their family.  Sometimes they leave the Church for another order of people, sometimes they leave organized religion all together, sometimes they just leave.

I think we know how sad a situation it is.  How they out on something precious even if they don't recognize it.  How much it leaves their natural family in the Church heartbroken.  But do we stop and consider what ripples of discouragement and pain it causes the Church as a whole.  I'm afraid too often, we think our actions don't affect others, or maybe we do recognize it, but don't feel like it matters.  I know I feel like I don't really matter to anyone outside of my own little family, and I'm guilty of thinking I then have no meaningful impact on others no matter what I do.

These three couples.  One couple I have known as long as I can remember, since I was a child.  While we played together as kids we also use to love to talk about the sermons we heard.  I felt like while we might disagree on the best way to apply scripture in our lives at times, that they would always be in the Church.  Another couple, I have known all my married life, and Gary has known longer.  At one time we were very close, largely due to our bond in the Church.  The final couple, we have both known for a long time, and though not super close, we have looked up to and admired them as Church members, people, and parents for a long time.  Some of these people were deacons or elders, some were the children of preachers.  All of them were people that we once thought couldn't be moved.

Gary and I laid in bed last night, talking late into the night about the heartbreak their leaving has caused.  And I have to wonder do they have any idea, just how much they will be missed?  How much their fellowship meant?  The sense of loss they leave behind?  Then I thought, if this is so vexing and grieving to us, how much more so must it be to God, when someone who has known the truth throws it aside as not worth the cost, or in favor of something else.  It brought to mind the following verses...

"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:  Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? " - Hebrews 10:23 -29

This isn't about their eternal salvation, God's children are his children no matter what they do in this life.  He didn't need our help to save us, and he doesn't need our help to keep us.  It is about the joy and fellowship they could have with him and his saints here, and how we feel that loss.  Gary said, it should serve as a reminder that anyone can be lead away.  And how it makes him wish that he could tell each couple, younger and older than us, members that are graduating high school and going out into the world, older stayed members, that he wanted to tell them all to hold the line.  You affect far more than you know.  There are blessings in this walk, both for you and for those around you.  Don't leave off.  We kinda laughed as a Captain America quote came to mind, about doing what is right,

Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. ... When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- "No, YOU move."

The quote was inspired by an older one by Mark Twain, but it is my belief that they both had Psalms 1:3 in mind, someone who thinks on the things of God and tries to honor and follow him, "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."  I wish ever single member of the Church could truely grasp, that you matter to the Lord and those around you, your walk matters, and when you turn away it is heartbreaking to more than you know.

 

Will and Jon,

Soon, I will need to write you separate letters as you are getting more and more active and starting to show more of your own little quirks.  Today, we went to see Sis. Katie and Leah for the first time, at just a few weeks old, she is heavier than you were when we went home, Jon, but it doesn't seem like you were ever that little.  It is amazing just how much you grow and change in such a short time.  You both scout and roll around.  Finally tummy time doesn't seem so terrible to the two of you especially if you have each other or a sibling in the floor to talk to you.  You both can for short periods push up and lift your stomach off the ground.  You are both such strong boys.

Will you have become such a flirt.  You didn't smile as early as Jon, but you smile far more than he does.  You grin at everyone with that big open mouth and we can't help but smile back.  Jon you are more talkative than Will is.  You sound like a little dinosaur, when you go "rawr rawr, rawr," and grin and wait for me to repeat it back.  Will's favorite toy is the baby mirror.  You seem to find the other fellow great fun to talk to and try to eat.  I don't know if you think it is a toy, another baby, or your twin when you see yourself, but you do like to smile and babble to yourself.  Jon's favorite toy is definitely his glowworm seahorse.  You can be fussing up a storm and we can turn that thing on and hand it to you, and it seems to solve a world of problems.

You have stretched your feedings out in the last month.  The doctor got me all paranoid because Will you dropped from the 9% to the 5%, and Jon is still hanging out at the 1%.  But you know what.  You are both growing and thriving, you both are still meeting milestones, you both look healthy.  So I decided to stick with my gut (and the science) and wait a while longer about starting solids.  You tend to eat about 5 to 6 times a day now, stretching 4 to 5 hours in the day, with shorter breaks in the evenings.  I'm making peace with not having much time to myself for my bible study and planning time for now.  I still nurse you together at times, but it is getting more and more difficult, you both have been in the habit of holding hands while I nurse you, but you are adding in kneeing each other and grabbing at each other so that you spend almost as much time playing and dripping milk as you do actually eating.

Nights are going much better too.  The sleep sacks in part have done wonders in that department, because you aren't waking yourselves up squirming out of the covers.  In the last week we have moved you both into the crib in your room.  We are still having some late nights, but most of the time we are able to get you both down between 11 and midnight.  Daddy gives you a bath and I nurse you one at a time.  Will first because you are easier to get down.  You almost always nurse off to sleep, but even if you don't, as long as you have that milk drunk look to you I can lay you down and you will go off to sleep on your own.  It's a real blessing.  You don't even wake up Jon if he happens to make it down before you.  Jon, you still fight sleep but usually nursing, sometimes followed by rocking and patting gets you out.  But I have to be sure you are really asleep before I try to put you down, or you will have none of it.  For the most part you both sleep until early morning.  Will is often ready for breakfast between 5 and 6:30 but then goes back to sleep in our bed for a few more hours.  Jon, you sleep longer but by 6:30 to 8 you are up, and after nursing are ready to talk and smile and play with your siblings for several hours.

Despite sleeping better at night, you both are still lousy nappers.  You never sleep at the same time during the day, and even when you do it is almost impossible to put you down or get you to nap without being held.  It is making the school week a marathon that leaves me thankful that it's Friday and ready to crash over the weekend.

Perhaps the most exciting development has been you trying to crawl, William.  At the homeschool convention, one afternoon, I had just finished washing my hair, when Daddy called, "Will's crawling."  I told him you weren't, and he insisted no, you really were but didn't take any video.  Twice now, you have managed to pull your elbows together under your chest and push with your toes to rock and fall forward.  Then you pull your arms back up and put them together and repeat the process.  At the hotel you inched all the way across a king sized bed that way.  Here at home once you have managed to cross your blanket in the floor that way.  I'm not ready for you two to be movers and shakers, but I am watching your little personalities blossom.

On that note, there was one other development this month, we discovered that the two of you are indeed identical twins.  I was just sure that you were fraternal twins like your uncles, and so despite the fact that you look so much alike I was a little surprised.  I'm a little sad for you because some people seem to view identical twins as if they are the same person in two different bodies, and as your mother I want everyone to see how unique and special you each are.  On the other hand, the more I read about identical twins and the science that makes it possible, the more amazing it becomes that there can even be such a thing.  It makes the two of you seem even more miraculous, even more of a blessing.  Nevertheless, we love you both dearly and no matter how others out in the world view you, in our home you are both loved for the two special people that you are.  (But that doesn't mean that I'm going to quit dressing you both and your much older brother in the same clothes for Church for as long as I can get away with it.)

We love you,
Momma

 Katherine,

My four year old going on 24.  You are all fire and passion.  You are ornery and difficult.  You are uniquely you.  Nothing like our other children, you have a will of steel and sense of self that few others can match.  You have opinions and demands, and you are not willing to be someone you aren't.  Sometimes that makes it feel like we are living with a tiny terrorist dictator, other days it is like a day at the most exciting roller coaster park in the world.

Balancing where you are with where you need to be is often like walking a tight rope.  I can respect and appreciate when you want your space.  You are never obliged to give someone a hug or talk to someone just because they want you too.  And yet I also have to remind you that being courteous is required.  You don't have to give family members a hug, but you do have to say no thank you, rather than screech at them.  You don't have to talk with anyone, and you can walk away from a conversation, but you can't cut hateful eyes in the process.  It's a fine line.  You cannot be bribed or cajoled, into doing anything.  And you are not open to negotiation once you have made up your mind.  Your father already prays for and pities the boy you will one day marry.  But we can also see that you won't be one affected by peer pressure.  You won't back down from something just because it is difficult.  You will stand firm in your beliefs and not be swayed by any passing trend or even the harsh storms of life.  Those traits that make parenting you so very difficult (and exhausting) will be the very things that will enable you to be a woman who is going to make a big impact on the world around her.

You have been telling me that you will be eight instead of four, and it is true you are in a hurry to broach everything in life.  Last night you even said that you wanted to be 11.  You have asked to start school so for the last year I give you "assignments" as we work.  You have play dough time, and time with kinetic sand.  You also practice saying your numbers to Daddy for "math" and always, always skip seven.  You love to write notes, and letters during free write Friday, and constantly tell me to spell words for you, even though you aren't actually forming any letters other than maybe an o and a never ending sea of w and M.  You enjoy drawing pictures of you and me.  We always have long legs attached right to our heads.  Sometimes you even allow your siblings to be in the picture.

You have an interesting relationship with your siblings.  You rotate through indifference to the twins, to talking to them and playing with them.  You will insist that Will is your baby one day, and the next you will tell me that you don't like him.  You insist that you are a biggie girl, but also will climb up in the chair with my while I nurse, and tell me that I am done now, and you need to sit with me "without him."  You like to play with Britt, but only on your prerogative.  You are quick to use him as your champion though, when one of the girls has "wronged" you.  With Ruth you mostly adapt a position of Queen of the Universe and order her around.  She has been quick to baby you, but is also getting tired of your failure to ask her anything nicely.  At the same time, if any one fusses at you about your behavior, she (not to far followed by Britt) is the first to try to sooth your hurt feelings.  Rebecca you seem to have a love-hate relationship with.  You absolutely LOVE playing all the things with her.  She lets you play games with her and with toys that she won't let the others play with.  You are often willing to let her boss you around in order to play a game with her.  Something that no one else can pull off.  And yet, the second she tries to tell you to help her pick up your room, or that Momma said to go brush your teeth with her, the screaming and willfulness come out full force.

And that brings me to our biggest struggle with you right now.  Teaching you to curb your will.  Obedience doesn't come natural to you, in that I can well sympathize, but it is something for your safety and well being that you are going to have to learn.  In jest playing a silly game with Daddy the other day you called him stupid.  I reminded you that is not ok, even in a game, and told you to apologize.  You refused.  You then spent the next 3.5 hours sitting in your room on your bed, not asleep, and not with toys, before you were ready to walk in there and mumble sorry.

And yet that same persistence and boundless energy, has you almost riding a bike far younger than any of the others.  You love to spend time running behind your siblings outside, riding your bike on the sidewalk, and drawing with chalk on the drive way.  You also like to let yourself outside to play with the dogs "BY MYSELF!"  while we do school.  In fact, you are perfectly happy most of the time to be left to your own devices, rather than play with others.  And of course, if you get to monopolize the tv, you are quite happy to do so.  Your current obsession is Bluey, which has replaced first Masha and Bear as well as Puppy Dog Pals this year.  You like to play "Daddy Robot" with Daddy, and if nothing else, has helped you to find more fun with him, and be a little less needy and clingy with me.

I've recently finished a book on Empress Matilda, Lady of the English and her fight to secure the throne for her son Henry.  I've seen more than a few parallels between both Matilda and Henry and yourself.  I can well imagine you as a lawyer arguing cases before the Supreme Court, or an Advocate for a cause, leading to a change in legislation. I can see you as the first person to walk on Mars, or to discover a cure for a rare childhood disease.  I know that the Lord is going to do great things with you, I just hope we survive raising you to see it.

We love you so very much, Katydid,

Love,
Momma

 

Will and Jon,

So much has happened since our last letter.  I took your 3 month photos but since we were traveling and everything was hectic I didn't have a chance to write a letter.  We have had several first since 2 months.  You both can easily flip from back to stomach, pushing up with those legs, and occasionally roll back to the front.  Will, you laughed for the first time a few days ago and seem to have discovered your fist.  You stare at it in great fascination, slowly opening and closing it.  I don't think any of your siblings, ever analyzed their hands in such intense fashion.  Will, you have also become quite talkative lately.  Jon, you carry on conversations while giving out big smiles, and just love to have someone shower you with attention.  You are better at getting your thumb out of your fist and sucking on it now and even cuddle some.  Both of you still stink at taking a pacifier.  Though if we hold it for you, sometimes it helps you get to sleep.

Nursing is going really well now.  I have never enjoyed nursing.  It isn't the lovey dovey, bonding experience for me that has been touted.  But you both are teaching me to slow down.  That everything doesn't have to be productive all the time.  It's ok to just sit and feed babies.  Despite still not getting that oxytocin high, I will admit that it makes me feel kind of like Superwoman to be able to nurse you both at the same time.  And whether tandem feeding or back to back feeds, I'm super happy to have made it this far with two of you, and no end in sight.

You two pretty well stick to a schedule of every three hours, after your morning feed.  Sometimes you wake a 6, sometimes 7 or 8.  You nurse together or back to back and fall back asleep till around 9ish.  Sometimes you snack then, and some you just wake up.  This is the time of day you are both the happiest.  You are alert and will hang together by yourself as long as you are propped up in the double boppy on our bed.  Sometimes Kate watches tv with you, and you both seem curious to listen to Bluey, sometimes it even looks like you are watching tv.  Other days you hold hands and coo to each other and Daddy while he works.  Usually around 11, Daddy brings you downstairs to us during school because you have had your limit.  Then you need to be nursed and held.  Occasionally you both nurse to sleep and stay asleep, but rarely.  You both nurse again at 2 and 5, their are some cat naps while being held, but anytime any of us try to put you down, you are awake and fussing about it.  When I have had help around like Ahna, I've made good use of it.  During read aloud time or DEAR time the kids hold you.  But much of the time I am wearing you both in the twin wego carrier so that you can nap and I have my hands free for chores around the house, and schooling your siblings.  But I'm not sure how much longer I can manage both of your weight on my front.  Around 7:30, you both get unbearably fussy, mostly because you aren't napping any.  We tend to hold you through supper, pass you back and forth, as you are only happy nursing.  Frequently though that results in you spitting up on us, as you are way too full, and don't really need to nurse, but only want the comfort aspect.  We start trying to get you down for the night around 10 after the others are in bed, occasionally it works around 11 but most nights it is at least three or four tries each and 1 to 2 am before we get you asleep, put in your bed, and you actually stay asleep.

The truth is that you are both lousy sleepers, and we are about to start letting you cry it out more.  As you are capable of sleeping longer stretches, and capable of sleeping without us.  And going on 4 months now with you, is really doing a number on your parents.  We are also hoping to start moving you into the crib in Britt's room, once we can lay both down, and you stay down, since you are sleeping till morning now.

In addition to both fighting sleep (though Jon you are probably worse about that) you also both are very strong little boys.  You love to sit up in the pillow, though you are a bit wobbly and at times wiggle so much you look like bobble head dolls.  You also lift your entire chest and part of your stomach up when you lay on your stomach with your elbows locked in place, sprawled out beside you.  Though it hurts my nose to see you do your bobble head thing, and headbutt the ground.  You both always need to be buckled into the swing and bouncer now as you try to flip over or squirm to get your feet up in the air to kick at the toys there.

My boys you are a joy with smiles that light up the room.  If you will agree to sleep at night life with twins would be perfect. ha!  Happy 4 month birthday.  We love you.

Love,
Momma

Will and Jon,

You are now 2 months old, and at a stage I really enjoy. You are consistently sleeping 5 hour stretches at night usually 11:30 to 5 or 2:30 to 8, which does wonders for my functioning and mood. You both are eating a little bit faster and have a better time latching. And yet you still love to lay on my chest under my chin while you sleep, and we can still put you down without you getting into anything. If me feeding you wasn't the only way to sooth you (even when the two of you aren't hungry), and if we could occasionally put you down, there would be no complaints. I like this stage.

That's not to say that we don't already see you growing and changing. Will, you had rolled from side to front or back a few times last month, but you do it all the time now, and have occasionally managed to roll from your back to your stomach, which is how you are comfiest. Jon, you have begun to coo at us in the last couple of days, and I love your little voice. Both of you are making some progress with the pacifiers, and Will is finding his fingers or thumb more often. You both can track side to side with your eyes and top to bottom but not up yet. We still swaddle you and have you sleep together, but have taken the pillow out of your bed at night, as you are wiggling around way too much now.

We are beginning to see the glimmers of your individual personalities. From the beginning Will has cried and fussed the most for attention, but Jon has undoubtedly been louder. However, Jon, you also have the prettiest smile that you very often flash me these days. Will, you aren't as quick to show us your smile, but you are definitely my cuddler. We could lay back on the bed or in Daddy's chair and snuggle all day. Jon, since being allowed to take off the brace during the day, you have learned to cuddle, but still seems to like facing out best. Jon is more alert during the day, nothing seems to go unobserved by you, but you go down to sleep in the evenings easier. Will you nap alot more, but it is hard to get you to sleep in the evenings. Last night it was 3 am before you gave up, and by then Jon had woken up to eat again, so we had to get you both down.

Neither of you seem to have any interest in grabbing, holding, or watching toys. But your siblings fascinate you. You like to watch Rebecca make up little songs while holding Lamby (Jon's lamb lovey) or Li-Li (what she has dumbed Will's Lion). You watch Britt has he makes you punch him with your little fist and pretends to be knocked out as he narrates mock battles, in which you ultimately surpass your sensei (which of course is him). Neither of you seem to be able to decide what you think of the squeaky Kate, but you often stop your crying in confusion when she talks to you. And Ruth is the baby whisperer, settling you both in the car or house tag teaming in and out with me. She changes lots of diapers finds pacifiers and has even tried wearing you each (but not at the same time).

You both love to be held by anyone until early in the evening. Then all either of you want from around 6:30 to midnight is me. Sometimes Daddy can sing to you while walking with you for a short time, but we mostly trade the two of you back and forth in the evenings. I often resort to wearing you together in the afternoon to get you to take a nap while we do some school or I get a small job done. It works for now, but together you are quickly becoming heavy.

My boys you are a real joy, and we are thankful to have been blessed with you.
Love,
Momma

 

Will and Jon,

 

 We now have 3 sons all born on a Thursday in January.  Early on Thursday, January 7th, we got up and left the kids and Ahna at the house around 4 am.  They had us scheduled to be at Tampa General at 5:30 to prepare for a c section.  When we arrived, over the next two hours, we signed lots of paperwork, we went over various drug choices with the Nurse Anthesiologist, and started an iv line.  Finally Gary changed into scrubs and they showed him where to put our stuff in recovery, after one last ultrasound where we found Baby A's feet propped up on my cervix knees bent with his backside sitting on the side of my pubic bone and B's face.  It was disappointing but expected.

The worst part was having to walk into the freezing cold ER alone and get the spinal without Gary in there.  It hurt every bit as bad as I had heard, but at least the contractions I'd been having for several weeks weren't that strong, so I wasn't trying to deal with them and the spinal.  Another nurse held my hand, I squalled all while trying my best to not move, and the Nurse Anthesiologist talked me through everything, until they had things ready for Gary to come in.  She was worth her weight in gold, and I thanked her several times.  She stayed right by me the entire time, and explained what was happening and what to expect.  We had already talked about how that helped my anxiety a lot to know what was going on.

It was really unnerving to not feel cold or heat or them cutting, but to feel the pulling in other areas because everything is connected.  It was also a little scary toward the end that I knew I had to be breathing but I couldn't feel myself breathing anymore.  It took very little time to get both boys out.  William David was born breech at 8:27 am, weighing in at 7 lbs and 7 oz and 20 inches long.  He had way more vernix than any of our others have had, and they immediately started rubbing him and getting all the fluid out of him so that he would cry.  It first I wasn't sure if I could touch him, but I got to rub his check through the clear drape and at that moment he started crying.  They kept him them for about half a minute, before handing him off to finish suctioning fluid out.  During that 30 seconds, Baby B thought that looked like fun, so he turned breech too.  I had asked if it was possible could they be born in the caul, and let me see it before they broke their water.  I have always thought it would be neat to see, and they told me it was possible if they were head first, but not for breech babies.  So we missed out on seeing that.  Jonathan Lynn was born at 8:28 weighing in at 5 lbs and 15 oz and 19 inches long.  I was able to rub his hand through the clear drape and hear him make the most pitiful little meowling cry before they took him to suction and clean up.

Will

Jon

When they were cleaned up and weighed and checked out the NICU team gave them the all clear to stay with me.  It seemed like it was taking a while but I am sure it wasn't that long before Gary brought Will over.  By that point I was super drowsy, and it was hard to lift my arm to touch him, so Gary held him for me, while they kept an eye on my always low blood pressure.  After a few minutes Gary handed Will off to the nurses and brought Jon over the same way.  After a few minutes they set Gary up with both of the boys in the recovery area in a warmer, so they could finish up with me.  They told me that I bleed a lot partly because of needing to cut through a placenta (both of mine were anterior this time), but not outrageously high for twins.

Will and Jon

Jon and Will

I stayed in recovery from 9:14 till 12:30.  Despite me and the boys dosing they both managed to latch on and nurse some during that time.  We also all three slept some with Daddy to keep an eye on things.  We were able to get situated in our room by 1.  It took a little time, as they found us a bigger room to have a little extra space with double the equipment for the twins.  By 2 or 3, I was semi alert, Gary had unpacked, and at that point we were able to finally begin calling family members.  I was about to start getting up a little after 5 pm.

Will

Jon

They are all well.  Jon does have a congenital hip malformation, and will need a brace for at least the first three weeks, but that should stop his left hip from popping in and out of socket.  Both boys will need to follow up with the pediatric osteo doc since they were both delivered breech.  Jon still has a bit of fluid in his left ear as well, and will need to have a follow up hearing test sometime in the next month.  They are both an excellent size and very healthy, after "baking" for so long inside.  I have been pretty mobile, but will still have some restrictions on getting out and about, for the first 2 weeks, and then the next four weeks.  I am not allowed to lift both babies at once for example.  They have asked us to take some additional precautions about getting the boys out due to covid.  We are not to introduce them to anyone outside of our household for the next two weeks, but then with mask and hand washing we can start slowly expanding our circle.  As one of the nurses told me, it wouldn't be a quick recovery, especially with twins, but everything looked very promising if I will go slowly.