So as I mentioned on facebook, we went to my Reproductive Endocrinologist appointment this morning.  I was wound up about it to say the least.  Optimistic that he would listen, take me seriously, and be proactive about my thyroid.  Concerned that I'd be told it wasn't an issue for an RE, that they wouldn't see me, to find a thyroid specialist.  Then I'd be out of reasonable options.  Pessimistic that it would just be another doctor, too arrogant to listen to me, so far above me that they can't be troubled to explain anything, and not concerned with my concerns.  I was afraid that this would be doctor number for in the, your numbers look fine, let's just wait and see crowd.

Eld. Adam Green was preaching this weekend at MacClenny.  On Saturday afternoon in a surprisingly compact sermon he preached from I Pet. 5:6-7 to cast all our cares on Him.  I've often heard it is a sin to worry and stress, but never really what to do instead.  I really struggle with overanalyzing everything, and I stress alot, and don't sleep well.  Trying to turn it off, is like trying to jump off the roof and expecting to fly.  Now, I know it can be done, or God wouldn't tell us to do it.  But in 31 years, I can not recall anyone from the pulpit explaining how to do it.  Bro. Adam went several places to show that we do it through communication and contemplation.  We communicate those concerns to God through prayer, and contemplate on who He is.  It helps us to put things in perspective and reminds us even if God does nothing about this situation right now that there is Heaven afterward.  And that He does care for us, so of course we should go to Him.

So back to this morning.  We are pulling into the parking garage at Tampa General for my 8 am appointment at 2 minutes till 8.  I'm keyed up beyond all belief.  Gary is on the phone with four different people at work trying to juggle things on the farm.  We get down to the hospital and I realize my medical records are still in the car.  Gary runs back to get them.  I find out where to go and I wait outside for him.  At 8:15 he is still missing, so I go up to the car thinking that he can't find where I stuck that folder, only to not be able to find him.  At this point I'm all but having an anxiety attack, and I head into the office.  They take me back at 8:25, and Gary is still nowhere to be seen.  I'm sitting in an exam room, waiting on the doctor, and I'm trying to think about that sermon, and pray, and calm down.  I'm feeling a little better when they then bring me into the doctor's office to talk with him, but Gary is still no where to be found.  A few minutes later, about half way through my medical history he shows up and I felt so much better.

After going through everything in about 30 minutes. The doctor was incredibly knowledgeable and incredibly nice. He asked a lot of questions and really listened. He treated our loss of Abigail as the real loss of a person. I can't tell you how much that meant.  I checked around before scheduling something all the way up in Tampa.  The report for Fort Myers was the guy knew alot, but he was a total jerk.  I wanted someone to explain something, I'm never again going to just trust that a medical professional knows what they are doing.  Besides after everything else we've gone through, I want some compassion not a jerk.

The RE said it could have been a tragic flux but was alarmed by what all they did not do. He ran all the blood work but went ahead and diagnosed me with sub-clinical hypothyroidism which he described in the same way as what I have read about masked hypothyroidism. I've done alot of reading and studying over the last few months.  25% of cases of hypothyroidism, shows up with "normal" labs.  I've also read enough to know that alot of women feel their best with the TSH levels in the upper 1/3 of the normal range.  I'm so glad that he is willing to look at our loss, how I'm feeling (which has gotten worse just in the last month) and really manage it.  He also said if I don't already have Hashimoto's it's a matter of time, given the family history, and the extremely high antibodies at the last few lab visits.  However, we want to delay the onset as long as possible by managing the hypothyroidism now.  He felt like this would be an easy fix, and I started back on 50 mcg of Levothyroxine tonight.  I'm hoping to hear back about what my levels are at in a few days.  We will go back in 6 weeks to recheck levels and see how I'm feeling.  Then we will go from there.

I've promised Gary that after that appointment I won't make him come all the way up to Tampa with me.  But the way I about had a panic attack that had my blood pressure through the roof when they checked it in the office, I'm not quite ready to see doctors without him.  It makes me so very panicky now, partly because I don't trust them, and partly because it puts me very vividly back in the room I sat in after we lost her with the worst OB ever.