Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Just Another Day

I naively hoped today would pass unnoticed.  That it could be just another day, that the kids would wake me up before I was ready, that we would argue about doing morning chores before free time.  That we would eat lunch around 12:30 and start school around 1.  That it would either be a great day and they would work diligently and knock it all out, or that it would be a day where no one feels like cooperating, and I wonder what's so great about homeschooling after all.  A day where I get some things done around the house because I can't in good conscience put it off any longer.  A day where I eagerly anticipate Gary coming home, so the good part of the day can finally start.  We'd have supper, some reading or a movie or maybe play Go Fish with the kids, and then get under a mound of covers and go to sleep before rinsing and repeating tomorrow.

But today is the first of what will be many anniversaries.  May 4th of last year, I confirmed what I already suspected we were expecting our fourth child.  The two fours, and my joking with Gary that there wouldn't be any fun Cinco de Mayo celebration for us tomorrow, made it memorable.  Today, I woke up too early, and couldn't go back to sleep. It's gloomy and rainy looking down here. And Gary will be in West Palm until late this evening.  There will be the first anniversary of her first ultrasound, of hearing her heart beat, of Gary feeling her move, of her birth/death.  And maybe the saddest part is that I really thought we'd be pregnant again by now.

1 comment:

MrsJOFCIII said...

I've been praying for you about having another child. It could be that the Lord is withholding that deliberately because He knows the best time- the time when you'll be most ready- better than we can. But whether He is directly intervening in your circumstances or simply being there for you in them, at least we know we can trust His ways, that they are better than ours, that He has thoughts of peace toward you, to give you an expected end, an end where all things work together for good because He loves you.

I thought of you today as we were listening to the preaching at the New York meeting, a real good sermon on "all spiritual blessings" from Ephesians 1. The part that made me think of you, he had gone to Galatians 5 to go through the fruit of the Spirit as examples of the spiritual blessings we have, and when he got to peace he talked about peace that passes understanding in the midst of trials, like the peace that the Lord had when He and the disciples were in the storm and He was asleep on a pillow. That's some pretty incredible peace, to sleep through a storm at sea that has all the professional fisherman thinking they're going to perish. Anyway I'm not sure why but I thought about how you told me when Abigial was born the Lord's presence was so strongly with you and Brother Gary. I think that's a really good example of peace that passes all understanding.

And that is what I'm going to pray for you to have on all the upcoming sad anniversaries.