My four year old going on 24.  You are all fire and passion.  You are ornery and difficult.  You are uniquely you.  Nothing like our other children, you have a will of steel and sense of self that few others can match.  You have opinions and demands, and you are not willing to be someone you aren't.  Sometimes that makes it feel like we are living with a tiny terrorist dictator, other days it is like a day at the most exciting roller coaster park in the world.

Balancing where you are with where you need to be is often like walking a tight rope.  I can respect and appreciate when you want your space.  You are never obliged to give someone a hug or talk to someone just because they want you too.  And yet I also have to remind you that being courteous is required.  You don't have to give family members a hug, but you do have to say no thank you, rather than screech at them.  You don't have to talk with anyone, and you can walk away from a conversation, but you can't cut hateful eyes in the process.  It's a fine line.  You cannot be bribed or cajoled, into doing anything.  And you are not open to negotiation once you have made up your mind.  Your father already prays for and pities the boy you will one day marry.  But we can also see that you won't be one affected by peer pressure.  You won't back down from something just because it is difficult.  You will stand firm in your beliefs and not be swayed by any passing trend or even the harsh storms of life.  Those traits that make parenting you so very difficult (and exhausting) will be the very things that will enable you to be a woman who is going to make a big impact on the world around her.

You have been telling me that you will be eight instead of four, and it is true you are in a hurry to broach everything in life.  Last night you even said that you wanted to be 11.  You have asked to start school so for the last year I give you "assignments" as we work.  You have play dough time, and time with kinetic sand.  You also practice saying your numbers to Daddy for "math" and always, always skip seven.  You love to write notes, and letters during free write Friday, and constantly tell me to spell words for you, even though you aren't actually forming any letters other than maybe an o and a never ending sea of w and M.  You enjoy drawing pictures of you and me.  We always have long legs attached right to our heads.  Sometimes you even allow your siblings to be in the picture.

You have an interesting relationship with your siblings.  You rotate through indifference to the twins, to talking to them and playing with them.  You will insist that Will is your baby one day, and the next you will tell me that you don't like him.  You insist that you are a biggie girl, but also will climb up in the chair with my while I nurse, and tell me that I am done now, and you need to sit with me "without him."  You like to play with Britt, but only on your prerogative.  You are quick to use him as your champion though, when one of the girls has "wronged" you.  With Ruth you mostly adapt a position of Queen of the Universe and order her around.  She has been quick to baby you, but is also getting tired of your failure to ask her anything nicely.  At the same time, if any one fusses at you about your behavior, she (not to far followed by Britt) is the first to try to sooth your hurt feelings.  Rebecca you seem to have a love-hate relationship with.  You absolutely LOVE playing all the things with her.  She lets you play games with her and with toys that she won't let the others play with.  You are often willing to let her boss you around in order to play a game with her.  Something that no one else can pull off.  And yet, the second she tries to tell you to help her pick up your room, or that Momma said to go brush your teeth with her, the screaming and willfulness come out full force.

And that brings me to our biggest struggle with you right now.  Teaching you to curb your will.  Obedience doesn't come natural to you, in that I can well sympathize, but it is something for your safety and well being that you are going to have to learn.  In jest playing a silly game with Daddy the other day you called him stupid.  I reminded you that is not ok, even in a game, and told you to apologize.  You refused.  You then spent the next 3.5 hours sitting in your room on your bed, not asleep, and not with toys, before you were ready to walk in there and mumble sorry.

And yet that same persistence and boundless energy, has you almost riding a bike far younger than any of the others.  You love to spend time running behind your siblings outside, riding your bike on the sidewalk, and drawing with chalk on the drive way.  You also like to let yourself outside to play with the dogs "BY MYSELF!"  while we do school.  In fact, you are perfectly happy most of the time to be left to your own devices, rather than play with others.  And of course, if you get to monopolize the tv, you are quite happy to do so.  Your current obsession is Bluey, which has replaced first Masha and Bear as well as Puppy Dog Pals this year.  You like to play "Daddy Robot" with Daddy, and if nothing else, has helped you to find more fun with him, and be a little less needy and clingy with me.

I've recently finished a book on Empress Matilda, Lady of the English and her fight to secure the throne for her son Henry.  I've seen more than a few parallels between both Matilda and Henry and yourself.  I can well imagine you as a lawyer arguing cases before the Supreme Court, or an Advocate for a cause, leading to a change in legislation. I can see you as the first person to walk on Mars, or to discover a cure for a rare childhood disease.  I know that the Lord is going to do great things with you, I just hope we survive raising you to see it.

We love you so very much, Katydid,

Love,
Momma

Will and Jon,

So much has happened since our last letter.  I took your 3 month photos but since we were traveling and everything was hectic I didn't have a chance to write a letter.  We have had several first since 2 months.  You both can easily flip from back to stomach, pushing up with those legs, and occasionally roll back to the front.  Will, you laughed for the first time a few days ago and seem to have discovered your fist.  You stare at it in great fascination, slowly opening and closing it.  I don't think any of your siblings, ever analyzed their hands in such intense fashion.  Will, you have also become quite talkative lately.  Jon, you carry on conversations while giving out big smiles, and just love to have someone shower you with attention.  You are better at getting your thumb out of your fist and sucking on it now and even cuddle some.  Both of you still stink at taking a pacifier.  Though if we hold it for you, sometimes it helps you get to sleep.

Nursing is going really well now.  I have never enjoyed nursing.  It isn't the lovey dovey, bonding experience for me that has been touted.  But you both are teaching me to slow down.  That everything doesn't have to be productive all the time.  It's ok to just sit and feed babies.  Despite still not getting that oxytocin high, I will admit that it makes me feel kind of like Superwoman to be able to nurse you both at the same time.  And whether tandem feeding or back to back feeds, I'm super happy to have made it this far with two of you, and no end in sight.

You two pretty well stick to a schedule of every three hours, after your morning feed.  Sometimes you wake a 6, sometimes 7 or 8.  You nurse together or back to back and fall back asleep till around 9ish.  Sometimes you snack then, and some you just wake up.  This is the time of day you are both the happiest.  You are alert and will hang together by yourself as long as you are propped up in the double boppy on our bed.  Sometimes Kate watches tv with you, and you both seem curious to listen to Bluey, sometimes it even looks like you are watching tv.  Other days you hold hands and coo to each other and Daddy while he works.  Usually around 11, Daddy brings you downstairs to us during school because you have had your limit.  Then you need to be nursed and held.  Occasionally you both nurse to sleep and stay asleep, but rarely.  You both nurse again at 2 and 5, their are some cat naps while being held, but anytime any of us try to put you down, you are awake and fussing about it.  When I have had help around like Ahna, I've made good use of it.  During read aloud time or DEAR time the kids hold you.  But much of the time I am wearing you both in the twin wego carrier so that you can nap and I have my hands free for chores around the house, and schooling your siblings.  But I'm not sure how much longer I can manage both of your weight on my front.  Around 7:30, you both get unbearably fussy, mostly because you aren't napping any.  We tend to hold you through supper, pass you back and forth, as you are only happy nursing.  Frequently though that results in you spitting up on us, as you are way too full, and don't really need to nurse, but only want the comfort aspect.  We start trying to get you down for the night around 10 after the others are in bed, occasionally it works around 11 but most nights it is at least three or four tries each and 1 to 2 am before we get you asleep, put in your bed, and you actually stay asleep.

The truth is that you are both lousy sleepers, and we are about to start letting you cry it out more.  As you are capable of sleeping longer stretches, and capable of sleeping without us.  And going on 4 months now with you, is really doing a number on your parents.  We are also hoping to start moving you into the crib in Britt's room, once we can lay both down, and you stay down, since you are sleeping till morning now.

In addition to both fighting sleep (though Jon you are probably worse about that) you also both are very strong little boys.  You love to sit up in the pillow, though you are a bit wobbly and at times wiggle so much you look like bobble head dolls.  You also lift your entire chest and part of your stomach up when you lay on your stomach with your elbows locked in place, sprawled out beside you.  Though it hurts my nose to see you do your bobble head thing, and headbutt the ground.  You both always need to be buckled into the swing and bouncer now as you try to flip over or squirm to get your feet up in the air to kick at the toys there.

My boys you are a joy with smiles that light up the room.  If you will agree to sleep at night life with twins would be perfect. ha!  Happy 4 month birthday.  We love you.

Love,
Momma