Happy Birthday, it is so hard to believe that I have a teenager now.  I asked your Daddy this morning how could that be, and he just said, that some of his good friends have kids that have graduated high school, that it's my fault he started late. ha!  There are times that I hold your little brothers and see you in them, and remember what it was like when you were brand new, and how I cried right before you turned 1 because you weren't a baby anymore.  (Hormones are nuts.)  Then other days I look at you and you seem so grown that I am uncertain what it was like to have a cute little 2 or 3 year old, who clung to me like glue.

You are at the age that is truly a mixture, not a child anymore, but not grown either.  I suppose you will give us a crash course as we go into parenting a teen.  (Sorry that we get to make all the mistakes on you and only start to have some semi-relaxed confidence in parenting 4 kids later; but that's the price you pay for being the first.)  We worked on your room this week.  You wanted a more grown up feel.  We negotiated and you got a single golden yellow accent wall, and a fresh coat of red paint on your bookcases, but no tv.  The bedding has all the feel of an adult, and a small portion of your nature collection and favorite graphic novels and chapter books adorn the shelves... but then there is the sleeping buddy collection of about 30 stuffed animals still on your bed, the super team, still has places of honor in your room, there are some favorite children's books still on two shelves, and a massive collection of super heroes and dinosaurs in the closet, that you aren't ready to give up, though more and more these days we find Rebecca and Kate playing with them rather than you.

You are into video games more than anything else, and so when I saw a cake that said Game On!  Level 13, I asked for one to be made for your birthday tonight.  I sometimes what to scream you cannot spend your whole life on the Nintendo!  Of course you then insist that the Switch and the Wii and the PlayStation and the iPad shouldn't all count as the same thing.  I have to remind myself, that rather than me teaching you with books, that it was all the reading in your Nintendo games, to figure out what to do next that really got you into reading.  And it is the story lines of your favorite characters that keep you into it.  And really, who cares if you enjoy it.

You still really love the outdoors and though you are as uncoordinated as your mother, you like to be out and about.  Whether that's hiking or adventuring in the woods, to driving the tractor and checking on plants with your Daddy.  Today, for your birthday, you got to go bowling for the first time in almost 3 years (pandemic problems you know).  The same wrist and hand muscles that are weak and leave you with sloppy hand writing, making bowling a challenge at times.  Even though you were sometimes frustrated, you never gave up, and by the end of the second game you were picking up spares.  You are one of the most determined individuals I have ever met.  It doesn't matter how terrible you are at something, if you decide you want to do it, you work and work and persevere until you succeed.  (Which is why you love video games so much, and why I'm always floored when you completely beat them in a week or two.)

I made the mistake of letting you drive the van at the farm one morning, and you have been pestering me non-stop to repeat the lesson.  I don't want to admit that you will be starting down that road in 2 very short years.  Speaking of the farm, you have gone several days with your Daddy or all of us to help out.  You are an incredibly hard worker when you are motivated.  Just this week you spent a good two hours, steady loading wheelbarrow and garbage can over and over with dirt, and pulling it into the greenhouse for me and the girls to transplant.  You have a good eye to find trash and things out of place in the field (why you can't do that in your bedroom floor is a question I can't seem to get an answer to).  And you have proven to be a steady hand driving the tractor, so Daddy is taking you before Church to help him out with a thing or two in the morning.  Then tomorrow night you plan to go with him for freeze watch.  A farmer's job is never done.

While you are all boy - outdoors, sword fights, need for speed, and video games while hopped up on my Dr. Pepper; you are also loving and kind.  You worry about others and their needs.  You are the best of brothers.  Always quick to rescue one of your sisters when they get hurt, quick to scoop up your brothers and calm them down or make them laugh when they are unhappy.  You frequently offer to fix me breakfast or lunch, when I am busy with school or nursing the boys.  Unlike most boys, you actually want your sisters included, and always have time for kids who are younger than you are.  You think about deep things and ask questions about God, about nature, about the way people act and what drives them.  I frequently find myself challenged to answer things, that I myself don't understand.  And that too is a part of you growing up.  As you grapple with the complexities of the way a machine works, and I have to tell you I don't know, but help you to more and more learn how to find the answers and teach yourself.  As you also grapple with how people treat others as less than and the atrocities that are committed against those who are different, and I have to tell you that why we might be able to pinpoint what mindsets cause a person to behave in such a way, we can never understand how another person can act that way.  Gone are the days that you asked things like what did this dinosaur eat or why we shouldn't throw our food behind the radiator or how do you become a soldier.  Now the questions are things like why do some of your friends have different experiences just because they are black or how can someone not believe in God when they see the world around them or how do you decide who you should marry.  The stakes in our conversation are bigger now, and even though I don't have all the answers, I am thankful, that you still come to me and talk about the big things.

This push and pull is difficult.  You want to drive on the paved road next to the farm, go hunting and stay home all day without me.  You want to get out and make your own money, and do things on your own.  Meanwhile I want to savor our time together.  You feel invincible, and ready to take on the world, while I know about the many dangers out there.  It's a difficult balance to give you more freedom than I'm comfortable with, but not to much; and less than you would like.  This stage of parenting is moving from the physical exhaustion to a mental marathon.  Determining what is best for you and how to slowly release control.  I know now how Grandmaw Bea has such a strong prayer life, she survived raising 4 Cunningham boys, then the twins.

Son, whether or not you understand our reasoning for the things we do.  Whether or not you agree with our decisions.  I hope you never doubt that we love you and are trying our best to do what is best for you.  We won't get it all right, and in hindsight you'll realize that some of the times you were sure we handle things wrong, you were the one who was mistaken.  I find parenting to continually be a justification of my parents, and a continual reassessment of my own stupidity in childhood.  I'm sure there will be just as many of those moments for you, when you look back.  Know that no matter what paths you strike down in life, and what ups and downs you encounter, we love you and pray that God guides you.  We pray that you will grow into a man that we have long seem glimpses of, a man who is honorable and kind, a man after the Lord's own heart, one who is strong enough to apologize when he is wrong, and dedicated enough to work hard even when no one else sees.

We both love you, very much, Britt.
Love,
Momma