Happy Birthday, it is so hard to believe that I have a teenager now.  I asked your Daddy this morning how could that be, and he just said, that some of his good friends have kids that have graduated high school, that it's my fault he started late. ha!  There are times that I hold your little brothers and see you in them, and remember what it was like when you were brand new, and how I cried right before you turned 1 because you weren't a baby anymore.  (Hormones are nuts.)  Then other days I look at you and you seem so grown that I am uncertain what it was like to have a cute little 2 or 3 year old, who clung to me like glue.

You are at the age that is truly a mixture, not a child anymore, but not grown either.  I suppose you will give us a crash course as we go into parenting a teen.  (Sorry that we get to make all the mistakes on you and only start to have some semi-relaxed confidence in parenting 4 kids later; but that's the price you pay for being the first.)  We worked on your room this week.  You wanted a more grown up feel.  We negotiated and you got a single golden yellow accent wall, and a fresh coat of red paint on your bookcases, but no tv.  The bedding has all the feel of an adult, and a small portion of your nature collection and favorite graphic novels and chapter books adorn the shelves... but then there is the sleeping buddy collection of about 30 stuffed animals still on your bed, the super team, still has places of honor in your room, there are some favorite children's books still on two shelves, and a massive collection of super heroes and dinosaurs in the closet, that you aren't ready to give up, though more and more these days we find Rebecca and Kate playing with them rather than you.

You are into video games more than anything else, and so when I saw a cake that said Game On!  Level 13, I asked for one to be made for your birthday tonight.  I sometimes what to scream you cannot spend your whole life on the Nintendo!  Of course you then insist that the Switch and the Wii and the PlayStation and the iPad shouldn't all count as the same thing.  I have to remind myself, that rather than me teaching you with books, that it was all the reading in your Nintendo games, to figure out what to do next that really got you into reading.  And it is the story lines of your favorite characters that keep you into it.  And really, who cares if you enjoy it.

You still really love the outdoors and though you are as uncoordinated as your mother, you like to be out and about.  Whether that's hiking or adventuring in the woods, to driving the tractor and checking on plants with your Daddy.  Today, for your birthday, you got to go bowling for the first time in almost 3 years (pandemic problems you know).  The same wrist and hand muscles that are weak and leave you with sloppy hand writing, making bowling a challenge at times.  Even though you were sometimes frustrated, you never gave up, and by the end of the second game you were picking up spares.  You are one of the most determined individuals I have ever met.  It doesn't matter how terrible you are at something, if you decide you want to do it, you work and work and persevere until you succeed.  (Which is why you love video games so much, and why I'm always floored when you completely beat them in a week or two.)

I made the mistake of letting you drive the van at the farm one morning, and you have been pestering me non-stop to repeat the lesson.  I don't want to admit that you will be starting down that road in 2 very short years.  Speaking of the farm, you have gone several days with your Daddy or all of us to help out.  You are an incredibly hard worker when you are motivated.  Just this week you spent a good two hours, steady loading wheelbarrow and garbage can over and over with dirt, and pulling it into the greenhouse for me and the girls to transplant.  You have a good eye to find trash and things out of place in the field (why you can't do that in your bedroom floor is a question I can't seem to get an answer to).  And you have proven to be a steady hand driving the tractor, so Daddy is taking you before Church to help him out with a thing or two in the morning.  Then tomorrow night you plan to go with him for freeze watch.  A farmer's job is never done.

While you are all boy - outdoors, sword fights, need for speed, and video games while hopped up on my Dr. Pepper; you are also loving and kind.  You worry about others and their needs.  You are the best of brothers.  Always quick to rescue one of your sisters when they get hurt, quick to scoop up your brothers and calm them down or make them laugh when they are unhappy.  You frequently offer to fix me breakfast or lunch, when I am busy with school or nursing the boys.  Unlike most boys, you actually want your sisters included, and always have time for kids who are younger than you are.  You think about deep things and ask questions about God, about nature, about the way people act and what drives them.  I frequently find myself challenged to answer things, that I myself don't understand.  And that too is a part of you growing up.  As you grapple with the complexities of the way a machine works, and I have to tell you I don't know, but help you to more and more learn how to find the answers and teach yourself.  As you also grapple with how people treat others as less than and the atrocities that are committed against those who are different, and I have to tell you that why we might be able to pinpoint what mindsets cause a person to behave in such a way, we can never understand how another person can act that way.  Gone are the days that you asked things like what did this dinosaur eat or why we shouldn't throw our food behind the radiator or how do you become a soldier.  Now the questions are things like why do some of your friends have different experiences just because they are black or how can someone not believe in God when they see the world around them or how do you decide who you should marry.  The stakes in our conversation are bigger now, and even though I don't have all the answers, I am thankful, that you still come to me and talk about the big things.

This push and pull is difficult.  You want to drive on the paved road next to the farm, go hunting and stay home all day without me.  You want to get out and make your own money, and do things on your own.  Meanwhile I want to savor our time together.  You feel invincible, and ready to take on the world, while I know about the many dangers out there.  It's a difficult balance to give you more freedom than I'm comfortable with, but not to much; and less than you would like.  This stage of parenting is moving from the physical exhaustion to a mental marathon.  Determining what is best for you and how to slowly release control.  I know now how Grandmaw Bea has such a strong prayer life, she survived raising 4 Cunningham boys, then the twins.

Son, whether or not you understand our reasoning for the things we do.  Whether or not you agree with our decisions.  I hope you never doubt that we love you and are trying our best to do what is best for you.  We won't get it all right, and in hindsight you'll realize that some of the times you were sure we handle things wrong, you were the one who was mistaken.  I find parenting to continually be a justification of my parents, and a continual reassessment of my own stupidity in childhood.  I'm sure there will be just as many of those moments for you, when you look back.  Know that no matter what paths you strike down in life, and what ups and downs you encounter, we love you and pray that God guides you.  We pray that you will grow into a man that we have long seem glimpses of, a man who is honorable and kind, a man after the Lord's own heart, one who is strong enough to apologize when he is wrong, and dedicated enough to work hard even when no one else sees.

We both love you, very much, Britt.
Love,
Momma

My boys, it is hard to believe that we have made it all the way to a year with you.  While some of the sleepless nights drug on and on, the past years seems to have flown by!  Since I didn't have a chance to write your 11 month letter, there have been a lot of changes in the last 2 months.

Jon,

These days you seem to only want to be held when you are hungry or think you have been injured. Which is frequent as you seem to take far more tumbles than Will does. Partly because he has a habit of bowling into you when he is on the move, but mostly because you spend far more time walking, climbing, reaching, and into everything under the sun. If you are awake you are on the move! And you approach everything you do with gusto.

You are a happy boy, always grinning and flirting with anyone you meet.  You too say ma-ma, da-da, and bah.  But your favorite sound to make is yeah and hey.  With all of you even way back with Britt as you babbled I would say things like "yeah is that so, tell me about it." And when I get up with you I always say "hey baby baby." So it is no surprise that you parrot it back to us. Sometimes you actually use yeah for yes. And just this week while you both have started to shake your head no, you do when you are done eating or don't want to play anymore.

You cruise and frequently let go lurching two or three steps between objects. I am continually surprised by your balance. On your birthday you stood up in the middle of the floor pulling wrapping paper off the box without falling or bracing against anything.

You are a pretty good eater.  But you eat best at breakfast, less at lunch and supper is usually a toss up.  You like picking up food or being hand fed better than spoons. I usually have to hold your hand when feeding you to keep you from trying to grab it off the spoon and making a huge mess.  You have turned down green beans and bananas the last few times and still aren't a fan of potatoes, but your favorite food these days seems to be eggs and french fries.  You have 6 teeth fully in, and are chewing on your fingers and everything else the last week or two, so you maybe working on another on your left side. We still nurse on average 4 times a day most often together with Will.  When you wake up, before your first nap, before bedtime, and then most nights once during the night.  I'm so happy that finally we made it to a year.  But at some point soon, we'll talk about weaning.

Your schedule is basically the same as Will's.  Now that we are in the new house, and trying to get back into a more normal schedule, your sleep has settled back down.  You are up between 7:30 and 9 most mornings, depending on what time we got you to sleep the night before, and when you nursed during the night.  After you nurse you have breakfast, and then play and make havoc as I try to unbox around the house for the next few hours.  You typically nurse close to noon give or take and go down for a nap for a couple of hours.  By 1:30 or 2 you are up again and ready for lunch.  You don't eat all that much at breakfast usually, but you more than make up for it at lunch and supper.  During the afternoon you especially like to be held while your siblings are watching tv or playing video games.  Then you different from your brother in that you often skip your second nap or don't go down till almost an hour after him and even then don't nap more than say half an hour.  The staggering in the schedule is tricky. By 6:30 or 7 you are ready for supper, after that is usually a bath, which you too have decided that you hate after upgrading to the big bathtub. Then you typically play in the living room floor around half an hour.  I nurse you both close to nine, sometimes as early as 8:20 when everyone is real fussy and then put you to bed.  I start glowworm when I lay you both down, and you roll over and almost never fuss after I shut the door so long as Will is with you. The occasional times we have put you done before him you squall till he is brought in too.

Your favorite toys by far are still blocks. Occasionally you will attempt to put one on top of another but mostly you delight in knocking them down.  But you too will drive toys with or without wheels around the room.  Anything that you can grasp in your hand or gnaw on is good with you though. You too seem to like music, though you prefer to be sung too and like to sing along with us at Church.  You even sing your sleepy song when you are tired like Kate always did. .

Today at the orthopedics office, you weighed in at 16 lbs exactly and 25.5 inches long.  You are still a little smaller than Will.  And yet you have an enormous personality, a real ball of energy and light in a tiny compact space.

When asked by others for ways to tell you apart from Will, I always point out the differences in the veins in your left eyes.  But there are more things that I notice.  Your hair lays down far better and neater than Will's. Even when you are tired you don't snuggle much. Flopping here and there unable to completely settle until you have been laid down in your bed.  You both favor different sounds when babbling -  for you it's anything with that ea sound like yeah and heya and of course mamamama.  If life isn't treating you right you collapse in the floor and cry, but you won't come to anyone for help. You just wallow and act pitiful until rescued.

I have started telling you no and swatting your hand when you continue.  We are only working on not pulling all the books of the school shelves and not playing with the blinds.  Little steps.  You watch me swat Will and then will try the very same thing to determine if the rule applies to you too. You also try multiple times and multiple ways. You will look at me and try a different book or a different bookshelf as if to ask, what about these? We are finding working on sitting still in Church to be a challenge with two of you.  It's not so easy when you can't tag team in and out, and when you both seem to decide that Daddy or your siblings aren't good enough about the same time. I have hardly been able to take notes this year, which kills my memory for sermon retention. The Sundays when we have been home so that I can put you in the floor or put my Bible on the table while holding one of you have worked best. Ha!

It is a wonder how to people can be so alike and yet so different.  As I told your brother, we joke that we have the two of you because your big brother prayed for brothers (plural).  But even though I've told you many times, I will tell you again, I am forever thankful that God blessed us with you.  Our family may not be the typical family of four-mom, dad, a boy, and a girl- instead we have 6 children earthside and one in heaven.  We can not afford to do everything for you all and with you all that we would like, but no finances could outweigh the blessing each of you are in our lives.  There was wonder in having our first child and then our first girl, but even after having 4 babies (5 if you count brother being 90 seconds older than you) you are no less a wonder.   Just tonight I looked at your Daddy,  like George in "It's a Wonderful Life" and craving some quiet said "Why'd we have to have all these kids anyway."  But this job of raising you and your siblings has been the greatest joy even as it has been the most difficult things we have ever done.

We love you so very much!
Love,
Momma

Will,

You are a cuddler, a real sweet heart.  You love your Momma, but enjoy being held by most anyone.  I love when you snuggle into my neck and let me rub your hair or your soft little leggies.  You have an infectious smile, and are such a happy boy.  You smile big at everyone, and though you don't talk much you do say ma-ma, da-da, bah (for everything from brother to I want that toy).  You also make little grunt and growl noises a lot especially when you are tired.  But your favorite sound to make is rawr-rawr-rawr.  And you love it when we answer back.

You cruise barely holding onto the furniture these days, but when speed is required you still drop to the floor, and crawl like no one's business.  Sometimes you turn and crab crawl sidewise, which always makes me laugh.  You are an active boy.  Always looking intently at things, it's almost like you are a tiny engineer in there.  It really seems like you are studying things, analyzing them, and then cataloging away the way they work.  The two of you tag teamed together to figure out how to open the dog gate at the stairs at the old house.  Watching the two of you, Jon just more or less rocked at it and bashed at the top.  But you kept watching your siblings open it, and eventually while Jon was banging away, you crawled over and hit it just right at the same time down low, and popped it open.  Working together the two of you are fierce, but I'm certain it was you who figured out what to do to open the thing.

You are a great eater.  You are love to be fed, but you prefer to handle your own food.  Even after we put it in your mouth you tend to eat on it a bit and then pull it out to take a look before finishing it.  You still like green beans and broccoli, but your favorite food these days seems to be ham or turkey slices and pretty much any kind of fruit.  There isn't much that you aren't willing to try.  You have 6 teeth fully in, and swollen gums, where you might be working on two more. We still nurse on average 4 times a day.  When you wake up, before your first nap, before bedtime, and then most nights once during the night.  I'm so happy that finally we made it to a year.  But at some point soon, we'll talk about weaning.

Speaking of sleep.  Now that we are in the new house, and trying to get back into a more normal schedule, your sleep has settled back down.  You are up between 7:30 and 9 most mornings, depending on what time we got you to sleep the night before, and when you nursed during the night.  After you nurse you have breakfast, and then play and make havoc as I try to unbox around the house for the next few hours.  You typically nurse close to noon, give or take, and go down for a nap with Jon for a couple of hours.  By 1:30 or 2 you are up again and ready for lunch.  You don't eat all that much at breakfast usually, but you more than make up for it at lunch and supper.  During the afternoon you especially like to be held while your siblings are watching tv or playing video games.  Most days you take a short one hour nap around 4:30 or 5.  By 6:30 or 7 you are ready for supper, and are typically kinda needy the rest of the evening.  It is a difficult time, because everyone is getting cleaned up from supper and ready for bed.  Your daddy is tired from a day of work and then cooking, and I'm touched out and wore out by that time.  After a bath, which you have decided that you hate after upgrading to the big bathtub, you typically sit with Daddy watching tv, though sometimes you will play in the living room floor a little with Jon.  I then nurse you both close to nine, sometimes as early as 8:20 when everyone is real fussy and then put you to bed.  I start glowworm when I lay you both down, and you roll over and almost never fuss after I shut the door.

Your favorite toys by far are cars.  Even toys without wheels, even non toys, like sponges, you drive around the floor.  You love music, dancing whenever you hear songs on the tv, bouncing in my lap at church, and beating on the table when we do the kids music lessons.  When Kate or Rebecca take out the thumb harps, you beat a path to them to listen.

Today at the orthopedics office, you weighed in at 17 lbs exactly and 25.5 inches long.  You may be a little man, but there is a lot of boy in that tiny package.  And when you want more to eat or think we have forgotten you are there, you can make an incredibly loud shrieky noise for such a little fellow.

When asked by others for ways to tell you apart from Jon, I always point out the differences in the veins in your left eyes.  But there are more things that I notice.  Your hair grows different, not so many cowlicks as your big brother, but you definitely inherited some crazy ones from my Granddaddy.  It helps when I part it on the right like mine, but it just doesn't lay very flat. You tend to cuddle more, and enjoy being held close.  You both favor different sounds when babbling -  for you it's the m's and r's.  If life isn't treating you right you shriek when you cry, but you come right to me.

I have started telling you no and swatting your hand when you continue.  We are only working on not pulling all the books of the school shelves and not playing with the blinds.  Little steps.  You have seemed to catch on pretty quickly.  We are finding working on sitting still in Church to be a challenge with two of you.  It's not so easy when you can't tag team in and out, and when you two seem to feed on each other.  Just today.  You were perfectly happy till the doctor took Jon for his x-rays and to examine, and before anyone even looked at you, let alone touched you, you started crying right along with him.  The second they handed him back, you stopped.

We continue to be amazed at the little every day miracles that the two of you are, both as individual people, and the bond you have with one another.  We joke that we have the two of you because your big brother prayed for brothers (plural).  But even though I've told you many times, I will tell you again, I am forever thankful that God blessed us with you.  Our family may not be the typical family of four, with 6 children earthside and one in heaven, we may not get to do everything for you all and with you all that we would like, we have to pick and choose very carefully what we do with our finances; but each of you are a blessing.  There was wonder in having our first child and then our first girl, but even after having 4 babies, you are no less a wonder.  Being your mother gives me far more than any number of things that we could have or could have done if we'd only had two children.  Oh there are bad days, days when like George in "It's a Wonderful Life" when we look around and say "Why'd we have to have all these kids anyway."  But this job of raising you and your siblings has been the greatest joy even as it has been the most difficult things we have ever done.

We love you so very much!
Love,
Momma