Happy Birthday, it is so hard to believe that I have a teenager now.  I asked your Daddy this morning how could that be, and he just said, that some of his good friends have kids that have graduated high school, that it's my fault he started late. ha!  There are times that I hold your little brothers and see you in them, and remember what it was like when you were brand new, and how I cried right before you turned 1 because you weren't a baby anymore.  (Hormones are nuts.)  Then other days I look at you and you seem so grown that I am uncertain what it was like to have a cute little 2 or 3 year old, who clung to me like glue.

You are at the age that is truly a mixture, not a child anymore, but not grown either.  I suppose you will give us a crash course as we go into parenting a teen.  (Sorry that we get to make all the mistakes on you and only start to have some semi-relaxed confidence in parenting 4 kids later; but that's the price you pay for being the first.)  We worked on your room this week.  You wanted a more grown up feel.  We negotiated and you got a single golden yellow accent wall, and a fresh coat of red paint on your bookcases, but no tv.  The bedding has all the feel of an adult, and a small portion of your nature collection and favorite graphic novels and chapter books adorn the shelves... but then there is the sleeping buddy collection of about 30 stuffed animals still on your bed, the super team, still has places of honor in your room, there are some favorite children's books still on two shelves, and a massive collection of super heroes and dinosaurs in the closet, that you aren't ready to give up, though more and more these days we find Rebecca and Kate playing with them rather than you.

You are into video games more than anything else, and so when I saw a cake that said Game On!  Level 13, I asked for one to be made for your birthday tonight.  I sometimes what to scream you cannot spend your whole life on the Nintendo!  Of course you then insist that the Switch and the Wii and the PlayStation and the iPad shouldn't all count as the same thing.  I have to remind myself, that rather than me teaching you with books, that it was all the reading in your Nintendo games, to figure out what to do next that really got you into reading.  And it is the story lines of your favorite characters that keep you into it.  And really, who cares if you enjoy it.

You still really love the outdoors and though you are as uncoordinated as your mother, you like to be out and about.  Whether that's hiking or adventuring in the woods, to driving the tractor and checking on plants with your Daddy.  Today, for your birthday, you got to go bowling for the first time in almost 3 years (pandemic problems you know).  The same wrist and hand muscles that are weak and leave you with sloppy hand writing, making bowling a challenge at times.  Even though you were sometimes frustrated, you never gave up, and by the end of the second game you were picking up spares.  You are one of the most determined individuals I have ever met.  It doesn't matter how terrible you are at something, if you decide you want to do it, you work and work and persevere until you succeed.  (Which is why you love video games so much, and why I'm always floored when you completely beat them in a week or two.)

I made the mistake of letting you drive the van at the farm one morning, and you have been pestering me non-stop to repeat the lesson.  I don't want to admit that you will be starting down that road in 2 very short years.  Speaking of the farm, you have gone several days with your Daddy or all of us to help out.  You are an incredibly hard worker when you are motivated.  Just this week you spent a good two hours, steady loading wheelbarrow and garbage can over and over with dirt, and pulling it into the greenhouse for me and the girls to transplant.  You have a good eye to find trash and things out of place in the field (why you can't do that in your bedroom floor is a question I can't seem to get an answer to).  And you have proven to be a steady hand driving the tractor, so Daddy is taking you before Church to help him out with a thing or two in the morning.  Then tomorrow night you plan to go with him for freeze watch.  A farmer's job is never done.

While you are all boy - outdoors, sword fights, need for speed, and video games while hopped up on my Dr. Pepper; you are also loving and kind.  You worry about others and their needs.  You are the best of brothers.  Always quick to rescue one of your sisters when they get hurt, quick to scoop up your brothers and calm them down or make them laugh when they are unhappy.  You frequently offer to fix me breakfast or lunch, when I am busy with school or nursing the boys.  Unlike most boys, you actually want your sisters included, and always have time for kids who are younger than you are.  You think about deep things and ask questions about God, about nature, about the way people act and what drives them.  I frequently find myself challenged to answer things, that I myself don't understand.  And that too is a part of you growing up.  As you grapple with the complexities of the way a machine works, and I have to tell you I don't know, but help you to more and more learn how to find the answers and teach yourself.  As you also grapple with how people treat others as less than and the atrocities that are committed against those who are different, and I have to tell you that why we might be able to pinpoint what mindsets cause a person to behave in such a way, we can never understand how another person can act that way.  Gone are the days that you asked things like what did this dinosaur eat or why we shouldn't throw our food behind the radiator or how do you become a soldier.  Now the questions are things like why do some of your friends have different experiences just because they are black or how can someone not believe in God when they see the world around them or how do you decide who you should marry.  The stakes in our conversation are bigger now, and even though I don't have all the answers, I am thankful, that you still come to me and talk about the big things.

This push and pull is difficult.  You want to drive on the paved road next to the farm, go hunting and stay home all day without me.  You want to get out and make your own money, and do things on your own.  Meanwhile I want to savor our time together.  You feel invincible, and ready to take on the world, while I know about the many dangers out there.  It's a difficult balance to give you more freedom than I'm comfortable with, but not to much; and less than you would like.  This stage of parenting is moving from the physical exhaustion to a mental marathon.  Determining what is best for you and how to slowly release control.  I know now how Grandmaw Bea has such a strong prayer life, she survived raising 4 Cunningham boys, then the twins.

Son, whether or not you understand our reasoning for the things we do.  Whether or not you agree with our decisions.  I hope you never doubt that we love you and are trying our best to do what is best for you.  We won't get it all right, and in hindsight you'll realize that some of the times you were sure we handle things wrong, you were the one who was mistaken.  I find parenting to continually be a justification of my parents, and a continual reassessment of my own stupidity in childhood.  I'm sure there will be just as many of those moments for you, when you look back.  Know that no matter what paths you strike down in life, and what ups and downs you encounter, we love you and pray that God guides you.  We pray that you will grow into a man that we have long seem glimpses of, a man who is honorable and kind, a man after the Lord's own heart, one who is strong enough to apologize when he is wrong, and dedicated enough to work hard even when no one else sees.

We both love you, very much, Britt.
Love,
Momma

My boys, it is hard to believe that we have made it all the way to a year with you.  While some of the sleepless nights drug on and on, the past years seems to have flown by!  Since I didn't have a chance to write your 11 month letter, there have been a lot of changes in the last 2 months.

Jon,

These days you seem to only want to be held when you are hungry or think you have been injured. Which is frequent as you seem to take far more tumbles than Will does. Partly because he has a habit of bowling into you when he is on the move, but mostly because you spend far more time walking, climbing, reaching, and into everything under the sun. If you are awake you are on the move! And you approach everything you do with gusto.

You are a happy boy, always grinning and flirting with anyone you meet.  You too say ma-ma, da-da, and bah.  But your favorite sound to make is yeah and hey.  With all of you even way back with Britt as you babbled I would say things like "yeah is that so, tell me about it." And when I get up with you I always say "hey baby baby." So it is no surprise that you parrot it back to us. Sometimes you actually use yeah for yes. And just this week while you both have started to shake your head no, you do when you are done eating or don't want to play anymore.

You cruise and frequently let go lurching two or three steps between objects. I am continually surprised by your balance. On your birthday you stood up in the middle of the floor pulling wrapping paper off the box without falling or bracing against anything.

You are a pretty good eater.  But you eat best at breakfast, less at lunch and supper is usually a toss up.  You like picking up food or being hand fed better than spoons. I usually have to hold your hand when feeding you to keep you from trying to grab it off the spoon and making a huge mess.  You have turned down green beans and bananas the last few times and still aren't a fan of potatoes, but your favorite food these days seems to be eggs and french fries.  You have 6 teeth fully in, and are chewing on your fingers and everything else the last week or two, so you maybe working on another on your left side. We still nurse on average 4 times a day most often together with Will.  When you wake up, before your first nap, before bedtime, and then most nights once during the night.  I'm so happy that finally we made it to a year.  But at some point soon, we'll talk about weaning.

Your schedule is basically the same as Will's.  Now that we are in the new house, and trying to get back into a more normal schedule, your sleep has settled back down.  You are up between 7:30 and 9 most mornings, depending on what time we got you to sleep the night before, and when you nursed during the night.  After you nurse you have breakfast, and then play and make havoc as I try to unbox around the house for the next few hours.  You typically nurse close to noon give or take and go down for a nap for a couple of hours.  By 1:30 or 2 you are up again and ready for lunch.  You don't eat all that much at breakfast usually, but you more than make up for it at lunch and supper.  During the afternoon you especially like to be held while your siblings are watching tv or playing video games.  Then you different from your brother in that you often skip your second nap or don't go down till almost an hour after him and even then don't nap more than say half an hour.  The staggering in the schedule is tricky. By 6:30 or 7 you are ready for supper, after that is usually a bath, which you too have decided that you hate after upgrading to the big bathtub. Then you typically play in the living room floor around half an hour.  I nurse you both close to nine, sometimes as early as 8:20 when everyone is real fussy and then put you to bed.  I start glowworm when I lay you both down, and you roll over and almost never fuss after I shut the door so long as Will is with you. The occasional times we have put you done before him you squall till he is brought in too.

Your favorite toys by far are still blocks. Occasionally you will attempt to put one on top of another but mostly you delight in knocking them down.  But you too will drive toys with or without wheels around the room.  Anything that you can grasp in your hand or gnaw on is good with you though. You too seem to like music, though you prefer to be sung too and like to sing along with us at Church.  You even sing your sleepy song when you are tired like Kate always did. .

Today at the orthopedics office, you weighed in at 16 lbs exactly and 25.5 inches long.  You are still a little smaller than Will.  And yet you have an enormous personality, a real ball of energy and light in a tiny compact space.

When asked by others for ways to tell you apart from Will, I always point out the differences in the veins in your left eyes.  But there are more things that I notice.  Your hair lays down far better and neater than Will's. Even when you are tired you don't snuggle much. Flopping here and there unable to completely settle until you have been laid down in your bed.  You both favor different sounds when babbling -  for you it's anything with that ea sound like yeah and heya and of course mamamama.  If life isn't treating you right you collapse in the floor and cry, but you won't come to anyone for help. You just wallow and act pitiful until rescued.

I have started telling you no and swatting your hand when you continue.  We are only working on not pulling all the books of the school shelves and not playing with the blinds.  Little steps.  You watch me swat Will and then will try the very same thing to determine if the rule applies to you too. You also try multiple times and multiple ways. You will look at me and try a different book or a different bookshelf as if to ask, what about these? We are finding working on sitting still in Church to be a challenge with two of you.  It's not so easy when you can't tag team in and out, and when you both seem to decide that Daddy or your siblings aren't good enough about the same time. I have hardly been able to take notes this year, which kills my memory for sermon retention. The Sundays when we have been home so that I can put you in the floor or put my Bible on the table while holding one of you have worked best. Ha!

It is a wonder how to people can be so alike and yet so different.  As I told your brother, we joke that we have the two of you because your big brother prayed for brothers (plural).  But even though I've told you many times, I will tell you again, I am forever thankful that God blessed us with you.  Our family may not be the typical family of four-mom, dad, a boy, and a girl- instead we have 6 children earthside and one in heaven.  We can not afford to do everything for you all and with you all that we would like, but no finances could outweigh the blessing each of you are in our lives.  There was wonder in having our first child and then our first girl, but even after having 4 babies (5 if you count brother being 90 seconds older than you) you are no less a wonder.   Just tonight I looked at your Daddy,  like George in "It's a Wonderful Life" and craving some quiet said "Why'd we have to have all these kids anyway."  But this job of raising you and your siblings has been the greatest joy even as it has been the most difficult things we have ever done.

We love you so very much!
Love,
Momma

Will,

You are a cuddler, a real sweet heart.  You love your Momma, but enjoy being held by most anyone.  I love when you snuggle into my neck and let me rub your hair or your soft little leggies.  You have an infectious smile, and are such a happy boy.  You smile big at everyone, and though you don't talk much you do say ma-ma, da-da, bah (for everything from brother to I want that toy).  You also make little grunt and growl noises a lot especially when you are tired.  But your favorite sound to make is rawr-rawr-rawr.  And you love it when we answer back.

You cruise barely holding onto the furniture these days, but when speed is required you still drop to the floor, and crawl like no one's business.  Sometimes you turn and crab crawl sidewise, which always makes me laugh.  You are an active boy.  Always looking intently at things, it's almost like you are a tiny engineer in there.  It really seems like you are studying things, analyzing them, and then cataloging away the way they work.  The two of you tag teamed together to figure out how to open the dog gate at the stairs at the old house.  Watching the two of you, Jon just more or less rocked at it and bashed at the top.  But you kept watching your siblings open it, and eventually while Jon was banging away, you crawled over and hit it just right at the same time down low, and popped it open.  Working together the two of you are fierce, but I'm certain it was you who figured out what to do to open the thing.

You are a great eater.  You are love to be fed, but you prefer to handle your own food.  Even after we put it in your mouth you tend to eat on it a bit and then pull it out to take a look before finishing it.  You still like green beans and broccoli, but your favorite food these days seems to be ham or turkey slices and pretty much any kind of fruit.  There isn't much that you aren't willing to try.  You have 6 teeth fully in, and swollen gums, where you might be working on two more. We still nurse on average 4 times a day.  When you wake up, before your first nap, before bedtime, and then most nights once during the night.  I'm so happy that finally we made it to a year.  But at some point soon, we'll talk about weaning.

Speaking of sleep.  Now that we are in the new house, and trying to get back into a more normal schedule, your sleep has settled back down.  You are up between 7:30 and 9 most mornings, depending on what time we got you to sleep the night before, and when you nursed during the night.  After you nurse you have breakfast, and then play and make havoc as I try to unbox around the house for the next few hours.  You typically nurse close to noon, give or take, and go down for a nap with Jon for a couple of hours.  By 1:30 or 2 you are up again and ready for lunch.  You don't eat all that much at breakfast usually, but you more than make up for it at lunch and supper.  During the afternoon you especially like to be held while your siblings are watching tv or playing video games.  Most days you take a short one hour nap around 4:30 or 5.  By 6:30 or 7 you are ready for supper, and are typically kinda needy the rest of the evening.  It is a difficult time, because everyone is getting cleaned up from supper and ready for bed.  Your daddy is tired from a day of work and then cooking, and I'm touched out and wore out by that time.  After a bath, which you have decided that you hate after upgrading to the big bathtub, you typically sit with Daddy watching tv, though sometimes you will play in the living room floor a little with Jon.  I then nurse you both close to nine, sometimes as early as 8:20 when everyone is real fussy and then put you to bed.  I start glowworm when I lay you both down, and you roll over and almost never fuss after I shut the door.

Your favorite toys by far are cars.  Even toys without wheels, even non toys, like sponges, you drive around the floor.  You love music, dancing whenever you hear songs on the tv, bouncing in my lap at church, and beating on the table when we do the kids music lessons.  When Kate or Rebecca take out the thumb harps, you beat a path to them to listen.

Today at the orthopedics office, you weighed in at 17 lbs exactly and 25.5 inches long.  You may be a little man, but there is a lot of boy in that tiny package.  And when you want more to eat or think we have forgotten you are there, you can make an incredibly loud shrieky noise for such a little fellow.

When asked by others for ways to tell you apart from Jon, I always point out the differences in the veins in your left eyes.  But there are more things that I notice.  Your hair grows different, not so many cowlicks as your big brother, but you definitely inherited some crazy ones from my Granddaddy.  It helps when I part it on the right like mine, but it just doesn't lay very flat. You tend to cuddle more, and enjoy being held close.  You both favor different sounds when babbling -  for you it's the m's and r's.  If life isn't treating you right you shriek when you cry, but you come right to me.

I have started telling you no and swatting your hand when you continue.  We are only working on not pulling all the books of the school shelves and not playing with the blinds.  Little steps.  You have seemed to catch on pretty quickly.  We are finding working on sitting still in Church to be a challenge with two of you.  It's not so easy when you can't tag team in and out, and when you two seem to feed on each other.  Just today.  You were perfectly happy till the doctor took Jon for his x-rays and to examine, and before anyone even looked at you, let alone touched you, you started crying right along with him.  The second they handed him back, you stopped.

We continue to be amazed at the little every day miracles that the two of you are, both as individual people, and the bond you have with one another.  We joke that we have the two of you because your big brother prayed for brothers (plural).  But even though I've told you many times, I will tell you again, I am forever thankful that God blessed us with you.  Our family may not be the typical family of four, with 6 children earthside and one in heaven, we may not get to do everything for you all and with you all that we would like, we have to pick and choose very carefully what we do with our finances; but each of you are a blessing.  There was wonder in having our first child and then our first girl, but even after having 4 babies, you are no less a wonder.  Being your mother gives me far more than any number of things that we could have or could have done if we'd only had two children.  Oh there are bad days, days when like George in "It's a Wonderful Life" when we look around and say "Why'd we have to have all these kids anyway."  But this job of raising you and your siblings has been the greatest joy even as it has been the most difficult things we have ever done.

We love you so very much!
Love,
Momma

The two of you are now 10 months old.  My how the time seems to fly.  This past month has seen an explosion in what you are able to do.  You both cruise a lot, but especially you Will.  Often you seem to prefer stepping and moving along hand over hand, lurching between pieces of furniture instead of crawling.  Jon still lets go and stands sometimes, but if you can't reach the next piece of furniture, you let go sit down and crawl.  And because you work so much at it, you have gotten really fast with the crawling.

You both are eating much better.  You have breakfast, lunch and supper now along with nursing.  Jon is liking baby food and mashed up or pureed stuff better.  Will prefers actual food, and really dislikes purees.  Will you are still the better eater on average.  Jon you are doing better, but for some strange reason, almost every bite no matter what it is you take it out of your mouth and look at it before putting it back in and eating it.  It's incredibly messy, and I have no idea what purpose it serves, it's not like it is really any different than the millisecond before when you saw it on the spoon.  Both of you have 4 teeth all the way in now.  Jon you have run a bit of a fever this morning, and your upper gums are swollen, so I suppose you are working on the next two upper teeth.  You are both eating a variety of fruits, veggies, bread, and sometimes meat now.

In pure desperation a few weeks ago, after a night where I was up 6 times in 8 hours for a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes each time, I started researching sleep training.  Your siblings for the most part all figured out the sleeping thing on their own, but that wasn't happening with the two of you.  The first night was pure torture.  Will you screamed for an hour and 40 minutes before you gave up and went to sleep.  I went in about every 15 minutes or so and settled you down, but you didn't want to sleep in that bed.  Jon protested along with you for about an hour before he gave up.  Over the last two weeks, we have gone from that to you, Will going down and rolling over to snuggle into the covers with no fussing at night.  Jon still fusses between 2 and 5 minutes at night.  About till I get out of the room.  It is like you think if I fuss she might come back, and when I leave, you decide it's not worth the trouble anymore.  We have this routine now, after your baths, I nurse you both, carry you to you room and hold you while glow worm plays a song or two, and then I put you both down with it still playing between 9 and 9:30.  I have been nursing you once during the night usually between midnight and 1, but the last 3 or 4 nights, you have both slept through till around 7:30 or 8 in the morning.

Naps on the other hand are still rough.  Sometimes you will take about an hour nap, and sometimes you spend the whole hour pitching a fit.  Sometimes even when I get the two of you up, Jon continues to complain, as if to let me know that he is NOT pleased with my behavior.  Will usually takes two naps a day now, Jon always takes one, but not always both.  We keep putting you down, hoping despite the time change and the Florida Fellowship Meeting last weekend, to eventually get the naps straightened out too.  The change in your sleep has left you both more content to sit and play in the floor.  You aren't as demanding to be held now.  Though Will still enjoys cuddling some every day.

You both say da-da, both just babbling, and when looking at your Daddy.  Will looked straight at me and said ma-ma for the first time this morning, which made me so happy.  You both also say something like Bruh-Bruh that the kids are sure is Britt.  I really think you use it for several of your siblings though.  It is crazy to think we have 6 weeks left in the year, and then you will be 1.  I think you will be walking long before then.

We love you, sweet boys,
Love,
Momma

 

Dear Will and Jon,

If you could plan to start regularly sleeping through the night in your own crib from let's say 11 till 7 that would be greatly appreciated.  Last month Will you were doing so well, until you started cutting teeth.  First, things were off for about a week, while you were cutting the two bottom teeth, and several days following.  Things kinda settled back into routine and then you started working on a top tooth and the last week and a half has been rough again.  Jon always wakes up at least once in the night, but usually 2 or 3 times between midnight and 7 am.  We have started doing some exercises with you to help your startle reflexes to relax, I actually do them with both of you, and think that Will is napping a little easier in the day, though it's still too early to tell if they are helping.

This past week with Daddy gone and getting our house ready to sell has been extra challenging.  You are both frequently into everything.  I have to assign each of you to a kid while I work.  The dog's water bowl being the most interesting toy around.  It is clear that you understand the sound I make to get your attention and mean no.  I would say most of the time you then stop what you are doing, but later on, will see it and go back to it.

You are both pulling up and crawling everywhere.  Will, you cruise on the furniture from time to time, but Jon has begun letting go while standing.  Daddy was watching you earlier tonight, and was surprised at how much difference a week has made.  He wonders if Jon will be the first to walk, since you seem to have the better balance at this point.

You both remain such happy boys, especially when being held or played with.  In the last month, Kate has begun playing with you more and more.  However, she is having more trouble telling the two of you apart.  You both seem to enjoy the attention from her.  Though she is put out when you pull down the forts that she builds, or aren't interested in the book she is reading, or the game she wants you to take part in.  You are both eager to play with toys and explore everything with your hands and your mouths.  Though Will is quick to take whatever he is interested in, Jon doesn't just surrender the item and move on now.  You both crawl all over each other and if we lay in the floor you will crawl back and forth over us.  I feel like I know what a mother dog feels like as you climb and roll over each other and me, until you decide that you need to nurse again, and make a bee-line for me, and attempt to get my shirt out of your way.

You have also become rather affectionate and talkative.  Will you have always loved to cuddle but you love to drop your chin and burrow your face into my shoulder or neck then lean back and smile.  I am convinced you are giving hugs.  Jon, sometimes open mouth kisses and then laughs.  You both love to be kissed to excess and will start laughing.  You also both really like to be tickled, and often will grab my hand when I quit to tell me to do it again.  About a week and a half ago or so I heard da-da for the first time, but we weren't sure who said it as you were sitting together.  Since then I'm sure I have heard Jon say it twice more when looking at or pointing at Daddy, so I'm convinced you are trying to say Daddy.  Daddy doesn't believe me though.  Two days ago for the first time I heard Will making a M sound and waving his arms for me.  I've decided that he was calling me, even if Daddy said that didn't remotely count as it was mixed in with a bunch of other sounds, and hasn't been repeated since.

Thankfully, you are both eating better.  Jon has finally decided that food isn't a trick to kill him, and willingly eats some.  I have been patient, frequently offering, but not stressing over how much either of you eat.  You both continue to nurse really well, and are growing and gaining skills.  I just hope you have gained enough by your doctor's appointment that the doctor won't fuss so much about your growth charts.  This month we have also introduced finger foods, letting you pick up melts and puffs to feed yourselves.  I also give you a decent sized piece of broccoli that lets you suck on and eat the soft part but not so small for the stem to be a choking hazard.  You have both tried and enjoyed Red Lobster biscuits as well, a treat I would have just as soon kept for myself.

Boys, you give us great joy each day, though some of that might be hysteria from lack of sleep, seriously lets just start sleeping this month ok?  I can't describe how much we enjoy just watching the two of you and your infectiously joyful personalities.  I know that we are better parents, and more relaxed in our parenting than we were with Britt, and in many ways you two will benefit from that.  While I often miss your big sister in Heaven, the two of you give us such a sense of completion and peace that we didn't even know we were missing.  We pray that God bless and guide you always, and that you will always find the joy in life, and live lives that are honoring to him.  We love you,

Love,
Momma

It is 10:20 at night and for the first time in our lives you both appear to be down and asleep in your own crib.  Sleep has been rather elusive over the last month once again.  While Will, was sleeping from 11 to 3 and again after eating until 7:30, occasionally skipping that 3 am feeding, that hasn't happened but twice in the last month.  Will, you are still the easiest to get down at night and for naps, settling on your stomach and not stirring as much.  Jon, you have defeated your father, and basically sleep every night in our bed.  We rarely even make any effort to try to move you anymore, and just nurse you to sleep in our bed a little before midnight, so that we can try to be going to bed ourselves by then.  You just will not sleep unless you are touching me, and it doesn't seem to matter just how "out of it" you APPEAR to be, you are instantly awake and pitching a fit if I'm not there.  In desperation, we have even tried putting a baby mattress in the floor of our closet, so that I can lay in the floor and nurse you and then slip away.  The longest that has worked is about an hour and a half.  Your Daddy was determined to let you cry it out.  One night you screamed for 20 minutes straight and then abruptly stopped.  Turns out Ruth had woken up and thought she would give us a break by taking you to bed with her.  Another night, Daddy let you go for 37 minutes, before I couldn't stand it any longer and he agreed to let me go and bring you back to our bed.  Saturday night I got to sleep from 12:30 to 6 am, it was the best I've felt in a month or more.  Twin sleep deprivation, could be an effective torture technic for the military.

Naps are really no better than the nights.  Will, you are easier to get down, but still mostly have to be nursed to sleep and wore to stay asleep.  You typically will nap for an hour to an hour and a half so long as Kate and her screechiness or something else doesn't wake you up.  Jon, (it is now 10:40 and you are back awake) Jon, you only cat nap once or twice a day about 20 minutes at a time, and only if I am wearing you.  There is always a chunk of our school day that I have one of you on my back and one on my front, which is unbelievably heavy.  Both of you fight sleep like banshees.  I can watch you fail and jerk your head around in an attempt to make yourself more alert, I've never seen the like.

Will, you seem to love your time in the floor.  You are crawling with a lot of speed, pulling up on EVERYTHING you see, and even taking a few tentative steps along the couch as you hang on.  I pulled out the play yard to block you off a section of the living room, since I couldn't seem to keep you from playing in the dog water bowl, but you hate to be confided.  Sometimes I just move the bowl to the sink and let you have run of the house.  One minute you will be playing with toys so I will sneak off, and then before I know it, I can hear you slapping along the tile as you come to find me, just a grinning.

Jon, you roll around, and in the last week have finally started to inch around a little bit on your belly.  Mostly you move backwards, but occasionally you push yourself forward.  Just this morning, though you've been sitting up for a little while now, you figured out how to get from your stomach to sitting up, all on your own.  Since you really aren't mobile and seem to be frustrated by the entire concept of crawling, you still aren't happy to just hang out in the floor for all that long, before you are fussing to be held and entertained.

(Jon, it is 10:51 and you went back to sleep with Rebecca holding you, Daddy just tried to put you to bed, and he didn't even get his hands off of you before you started fussing, so you are back to nursing in my lap.)  You both have big laughs, big smiles, and love to babble at us.  I still think Jon talks more and uses more sounds, but you both like to talk to us answering us when we pause in talking to you.  You both will reach for me, but it seems to be hit or miss with the others.  Rebecca also thinks you are giving me real kisses now, but I am not sure it happens except when you are still a little hungry so I'm not sure it's genuine.  Neither of you hug back, but Will loves to lean into me and hum so I will give him a good squeeze and grunt.

You both still love bath time and have a real interest in your toys.  Everything goes in your mouth to be explored, so I am constantly policing the floor for dropped food, toys, and school supplies that you don't need.  Both of you really love the small blocks especially Will.  Jon just likes to dump them out and then he doesn't care so much, but Will likes to handle them.  Of course if I try to stack them at all you both immediately start swing at them in a destructive but gleeful rampage.  You aren't as interested in balls or cars, though you both do like the football as you can get one end in your mouth and Hot Wheels cars as they too fit just right in your mouth.

For all that though, Jon you still HATE to eat.  It is rare that we ever get more than 3 to 5 bites into you, and anything we feed you still often ends up being pushed right back out with your tongue, so it takes 2 or 3 tries for each bite till you get it down.  Will, loves to eat.  You reach for anything, and even when you make faces will go back for second and third bites, just to be sure whether or not it was really as bad as you thought at first.  The only thing that time hasn't convinced you that you really do like after all is grits, which you steadfastly refuse and spit out.  You have both had applesauce, avocado, sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, and mashed potatoes (though you both seem to prefer bake potato with sour cream).

(It is now 11:22, and I think I just managed to put you back in your bed Jon.  Will immediately scooted back up against you, but now Kate is fake crying in an attempt to get me to let her get up or go elsewhere so I guess we'll see how long you stay asleep this time.)  In other news, Will, you now have your first two teeth.  Ruth first felt them on Wednesday, Abigail's birthday, and I thought I did too.  Your daddy on the other hand just said, he's heard that before.  By Friday we could definitely feel one and by Sunday it was in, but the gum was swollen back up over the second tooth.  By the following Wednesday, Sept. 1st, the second one could again be felt, and by Sunday it was all the way in this time.  Daddy says maybe you'll go back to sleeping now.  I personally feel like the two of you must plan it this way, because by accident and sheer chance you should at least occasionally sleep at the same time during the day?!

The best part though is the way that you continue to discover each other.  You will reach for each other, grab and grin at one another when I hold you both.  You will both roll on Daddy before becoming distracted and fooling with each other.  Daddy fussed at Jon just last night for pulling Will's hair, not that you seemed to mind at all Will.  I told him he was starting awful early teaching you all to wrestle like the others do.  You sit together and either take toys back and forth or seem to really look at each other.  Anytime we expect the two of you to just start your own conversation with each other.  In fact, often when you aren't in the same room, you will holler for each other, the first time was at Church when Daddy and I both had you for foot-washing, so we were sitting apart.  Memaw called you dueling banjos.

We are so very thankful that the Lord blessed us with you both, even if your Daddy tells all the random strangers that ask, that he recommends one baby at a time, not twins.  Every day you help me to embrace the joy in the chaos, and let go of my perfectionism, and learn to be more flexible.  I'm not always happy with this even if it is a good thing to grow and change.  I have thought for a long time now, that the Lord gives us children that challenge us and force us to be better people - of course that doesn't stop me from telling your Daddy that obviously the Lord thought HE needed two at once to accomplish that, not me. Ha!

We love you, and thank God for you, but I'm still praying that you don't end up in bed with us tonight.
Love,
Momma

 

We had a wonderful day just the two of us. Lunch together before some shopping. You spent a good portion of your birthday money on some resin making supplies and have plans to make some cool gifts for others. We picked you up a new dress and earrings before we went for your birthday pictures. You laughed and said you loved shopping and I told you that you aren't like me then.  It was a small glimpse what it might be like to be friends with you when you are grown.

Ruth, you are crafty, caring, and an instinctive leader. You are fantastic at taking care of your younger brothers. Unfortunately your other siblings aren't as accommodating of your desire to help. You are also good at managing responsibilities around the house. It is wonderful to see you growing and maturing into a young lady.

You are quick at your studies and work hard to excel even in challenging subjects like spelling and fractions. Infact perseverance and attention to detail in many ways are hallmarks of your personality. Everything you do, every sketch, every assignment you strive to improve. I hope this wont result in you being crippled with perfectionism like I can be at time, but that it drives you to do great things and develops your talents. It can be a difficult balance to strike.

The biggest thing you need to work on is also a failing of mine - patience and as a result being kind when you have run out of it. No one seems to be more adapt at pushing your buttons than your siblings, even when they aren't trying.  As much as it can be annoying it is up to you to control your responses. Sometimes we feel justified when we snap back at someone, but the truth is that is not the way to treat those we love.

More than anything your father and I want you to be kind and loving, a God honoring woman, and you are undoubtedly a beautiful girl inside and out.

Love,

Momma 

You have been here in our home for 6 months now.  Half a year, it feels like a big milestone.  How fast it has gone. I am beyond pleased to report that while it most often still a workout to get you both to bed at night, that neither of you has woken up before morning in almost 2 weeks.  What a difference 6 or 7 uninterrupted hours makes for your poor Momma.  Daddy can handle the sleep deprivation much better than I have ever been able to.  Will, you still go down the easiest.  We often give you a bath first, and as soon as you are done eating you are usually ready to go down.  You immediately roll over onto your stomach, no matter how asleep you seem to be.  Jon, after playing in a bath awhile, and then eating still has to be held a while most nights before you can go of to sleep.  And, if we rush setting you down too soon, the whole process has to be started over.  Thankfully, you never wake each other up at night.  Though Jon seems to love kicking Will in the morning till he is awake too.

Naps are much the same, with some work we can get you to sleep, Will, either by holding you or putting you in the swinger.  If we are very careful, we then can put you down in the playpen.  Sometimes using the pacifier if you stir.  Jon on the other hand, I have given up on trying to get down for a nap.  Occasionally you fall asleep in the swing.  But usually, when it gets to be that time, you are extremely fussy, so I put you in the baby carrier so that I can keep doing school with the older kids.  I pop your pacifier in your mouth and hold it there until you fall asleep.  Sometimes I think you are actively plotting to keep me from holding your brother.

Thankfully, though you both still want to be held, especially in the evenings, you are more content to spend time in the floor.  Sometimes we put you on your quilt in the living room with a toy or two.  Sometimes you lay upstairs on the activity mats and play with the dangling toys.  Sometimes, you lay in the play pen downstairs.  Sometimes you are together, and other times not.  You each have preferences with your toys.  Will loves the mirror and the little hard giraffe to naw on. Jon loves the glow worm and lamb.  You both have a rattle you like Will's is a little monkey and Jon's an owl.  You both love the car seat hanging toys with a little bell inside.  Nothing compares with how delighted Will gets with the table top toy.  Just tonight at supper, Britt picked up a few minutes after you dropped it.  Only for you to go nuts like you'd never seen it before.

The biggest changes this month are social.  You both try to lean for and reach toward me when I get ready to feed you.  And despite still having little to no balance you wobble and try to sit up leaning this way and that.  Jon has head butted a number of items such as my desk and the school table while sitting in laps.  Will just yesterday started leaning forward out of the swing when you drop your toys or blanket.  You lean, reach, and make the swing creak and protest at the uneven weight till we get you straightened up. Jon will sometimes roll from front to back but always gets upset and offended.  Will on the other hand will roll several times and scoot to get to someone.  Will has even begun to rock back and forth on all fours with his stomach completely off the floor.  Both of you seem to be constantly in motion especially kicking.

Jon is beating Will in Mister's "look serious" sessions.  But that's not saying much when you both smile big enough to make my jaw hurt just looking at you, as you stand all wobbly in our laps.  And your smiles are contagious.  What a blessing you are.

We love you,
Momma

   

 In the last few months, we have received word of three different couples that we know, who have left the Church.  It has been discouraging and demoralizing to say the least.  We have known others who have left, we have had family members leave the Church.  None of my brothers are still in the Church today.  We have known those who have been treated badly by other members and left the Church hurt and discouraged.  We have known those who have been unwilling to live a life becoming of a Church member and had to be excluded.  We have known those who fall away because it isn't the most important thing in their lives.  We have known those who no longer believe the things that we hold dear.  We have known those who no longer feel that the Church has anything to offer their family.  Sometimes they leave the Church for another order of people, sometimes they leave organized religion all together, sometimes they just leave.

I think we know how sad a situation it is.  How they out on something precious even if they don't recognize it.  How much it leaves their natural family in the Church heartbroken.  But do we stop and consider what ripples of discouragement and pain it causes the Church as a whole.  I'm afraid too often, we think our actions don't affect others, or maybe we do recognize it, but don't feel like it matters.  I know I feel like I don't really matter to anyone outside of my own little family, and I'm guilty of thinking I then have no meaningful impact on others no matter what I do.

These three couples.  One couple I have known as long as I can remember, since I was a child.  While we played together as kids we also use to love to talk about the sermons we heard.  I felt like while we might disagree on the best way to apply scripture in our lives at times, that they would always be in the Church.  Another couple, I have known all my married life, and Gary has known longer.  At one time we were very close, largely due to our bond in the Church.  The final couple, we have both known for a long time, and though not super close, we have looked up to and admired them as Church members, people, and parents for a long time.  Some of these people were deacons or elders, some were the children of preachers.  All of them were people that we once thought couldn't be moved.

Gary and I laid in bed last night, talking late into the night about the heartbreak their leaving has caused.  And I have to wonder do they have any idea, just how much they will be missed?  How much their fellowship meant?  The sense of loss they leave behind?  Then I thought, if this is so vexing and grieving to us, how much more so must it be to God, when someone who has known the truth throws it aside as not worth the cost, or in favor of something else.  It brought to mind the following verses...

"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:  Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? " - Hebrews 10:23 -29

This isn't about their eternal salvation, God's children are his children no matter what they do in this life.  He didn't need our help to save us, and he doesn't need our help to keep us.  It is about the joy and fellowship they could have with him and his saints here, and how we feel that loss.  Gary said, it should serve as a reminder that anyone can be lead away.  And how it makes him wish that he could tell each couple, younger and older than us, members that are graduating high school and going out into the world, older stayed members, that he wanted to tell them all to hold the line.  You affect far more than you know.  There are blessings in this walk, both for you and for those around you.  Don't leave off.  We kinda laughed as a Captain America quote came to mind, about doing what is right,

Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. ... When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- "No, YOU move."

The quote was inspired by an older one by Mark Twain, but it is my belief that they both had Psalms 1:3 in mind, someone who thinks on the things of God and tries to honor and follow him, "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."  I wish ever single member of the Church could truely grasp, that you matter to the Lord and those around you, your walk matters, and when you turn away it is heartbreaking to more than you know.

Will and Jon,

Soon, I will need to write you separate letters as you are getting more and more active and starting to show more of your own little quirks.  Today, we went to see Sis. Katie and Leah for the first time, at just a few weeks old, she is heavier than you were when we went home, Jon, but it doesn't seem like you were ever that little.  It is amazing just how much you grow and change in such a short time.  You both scout and roll around.  Finally tummy time doesn't seem so terrible to the two of you especially if you have each other or a sibling in the floor to talk to you.  You both can for short periods push up and lift your stomach off the ground.  You are both such strong boys.

Will you have become such a flirt.  You didn't smile as early as Jon, but you smile far more than he does.  You grin at everyone with that big open mouth and we can't help but smile back.  Jon you are more talkative than Will is.  You sound like a little dinosaur, when you go "rawr rawr, rawr," and grin and wait for me to repeat it back.  Will's favorite toy is the baby mirror.  You seem to find the other fellow great fun to talk to and try to eat.  I don't know if you think it is a toy, another baby, or your twin when you see yourself, but you do like to smile and babble to yourself.  Jon's favorite toy is definitely his glowworm seahorse.  You can be fussing up a storm and we can turn that thing on and hand it to you, and it seems to solve a world of problems.

You have stretched your feedings out in the last month.  The doctor got me all paranoid because Will you dropped from the 9% to the 5%, and Jon is still hanging out at the 1%.  But you know what.  You are both growing and thriving, you both are still meeting milestones, you both look healthy.  So I decided to stick with my gut (and the science) and wait a while longer about starting solids.  You tend to eat about 5 to 6 times a day now, stretching 4 to 5 hours in the day, with shorter breaks in the evenings.  I'm making peace with not having much time to myself for my bible study and planning time for now.  I still nurse you together at times, but it is getting more and more difficult, you both have been in the habit of holding hands while I nurse you, but you are adding in kneeing each other and grabbing at each other so that you spend almost as much time playing and dripping milk as you do actually eating.

Nights are going much better too.  The sleep sacks in part have done wonders in that department, because you aren't waking yourselves up squirming out of the covers.  In the last week we have moved you both into the crib in your room.  We are still having some late nights, but most of the time we are able to get you both down between 11 and midnight.  Daddy gives you a bath and I nurse you one at a time.  Will first because you are easier to get down.  You almost always nurse off to sleep, but even if you don't, as long as you have that milk drunk look to you I can lay you down and you will go off to sleep on your own.  It's a real blessing.  You don't even wake up Jon if he happens to make it down before you.  Jon, you still fight sleep but usually nursing, sometimes followed by rocking and patting gets you out.  But I have to be sure you are really asleep before I try to put you down, or you will have none of it.  For the most part you both sleep until early morning.  Will is often ready for breakfast between 5 and 6:30 but then goes back to sleep in our bed for a few more hours.  Jon, you sleep longer but by 6:30 to 8 you are up, and after nursing are ready to talk and smile and play with your siblings for several hours.

Despite sleeping better at night, you both are still lousy nappers.  You never sleep at the same time during the day, and even when you do it is almost impossible to put you down or get you to nap without being held.  It is making the school week a marathon that leaves me thankful that it's Friday and ready to crash over the weekend.

Perhaps the most exciting development has been you trying to crawl, William.  At the homeschool convention, one afternoon, I had just finished washing my hair, when Daddy called, "Will's crawling."  I told him you weren't, and he insisted no, you really were but didn't take any video.  Twice now, you have managed to pull your elbows together under your chest and push with your toes to rock and fall forward.  Then you pull your arms back up and put them together and repeat the process.  At the hotel you inched all the way across a king sized bed that way.  Here at home once you have managed to cross your blanket in the floor that way.  I'm not ready for you two to be movers and shakers, but I am watching your little personalities blossom.

On that note, there was one other development this month, we discovered that the two of you are indeed identical twins.  I was just sure that you were fraternal twins like your uncles, and so despite the fact that you look so much alike I was a little surprised.  I'm a little sad for you because some people seem to view identical twins as if they are the same person in two different bodies, and as your mother I want everyone to see how unique and special you each are.  On the other hand, the more I read about identical twins and the science that makes it possible, the more amazing it becomes that there can even be such a thing.  It makes the two of you seem even more miraculous, even more of a blessing.  Nevertheless, we love you both dearly and no matter how others out in the world view you, in our home you are both loved for the two special people that you are.  (But that doesn't mean that I'm going to quit dressing you both and your much older brother in the same clothes for Church for as long as I can get away with it.)

We love you,
Momma

  

My four year old going on 24.  You are all fire and passion.  You are ornery and difficult.  You are uniquely you.  Nothing like our other children, you have a will of steel and sense of self that few others can match.  You have opinions and demands, and you are not willing to be someone you aren't.  Sometimes that makes it feel like we are living with a tiny terrorist dictator, other days it is like a day at the most exciting roller coaster park in the world.

Balancing where you are with where you need to be is often like walking a tight rope.  I can respect and appreciate when you want your space.  You are never obliged to give someone a hug or talk to someone just because they want you too.  And yet I also have to remind you that being courteous is required.  You don't have to give family members a hug, but you do have to say no thank you, rather than screech at them.  You don't have to talk with anyone, and you can walk away from a conversation, but you can't cut hateful eyes in the process.  It's a fine line.  You cannot be bribed or cajoled, into doing anything.  And you are not open to negotiation once you have made up your mind.  Your father already prays for and pities the boy you will one day marry.  But we can also see that you won't be one affected by peer pressure.  You won't back down from something just because it is difficult.  You will stand firm in your beliefs and not be swayed by any passing trend or even the harsh storms of life.  Those traits that make parenting you so very difficult (and exhausting) will be the very things that will enable you to be a woman who is going to make a big impact on the world around her.

You have been telling me that you will be eight instead of four, and it is true you are in a hurry to broach everything in life.  Last night you even said that you wanted to be 11.  You have asked to start school so for the last year I give you "assignments" as we work.  You have play dough time, and time with kinetic sand.  You also practice saying your numbers to Daddy for "math" and always, always skip seven.  You love to write notes, and letters during free write Friday, and constantly tell me to spell words for you, even though you aren't actually forming any letters other than maybe an o and a never ending sea of w and M.  You enjoy drawing pictures of you and me.  We always have long legs attached right to our heads.  Sometimes you even allow your siblings to be in the picture.

You have an interesting relationship with your siblings.  You rotate through indifference to the twins, to talking to them and playing with them.  You will insist that Will is your baby one day, and the next you will tell me that you don't like him.  You insist that you are a biggie girl, but also will climb up in the chair with my while I nurse, and tell me that I am done now, and you need to sit with me "without him."  You like to play with Britt, but only on your prerogative.  You are quick to use him as your champion though, when one of the girls has "wronged" you.  With Ruth you mostly adapt a position of Queen of the Universe and order her around.  She has been quick to baby you, but is also getting tired of your failure to ask her anything nicely.  At the same time, if any one fusses at you about your behavior, she (not to far followed by Britt) is the first to try to sooth your hurt feelings.  Rebecca you seem to have a love-hate relationship with.  You absolutely LOVE playing all the things with her.  She lets you play games with her and with toys that she won't let the others play with.  You are often willing to let her boss you around in order to play a game with her.  Something that no one else can pull off.  And yet, the second she tries to tell you to help her pick up your room, or that Momma said to go brush your teeth with her, the screaming and willfulness come out full force.

And that brings me to our biggest struggle with you right now.  Teaching you to curb your will.  Obedience doesn't come natural to you, in that I can well sympathize, but it is something for your safety and well being that you are going to have to learn.  In jest playing a silly game with Daddy the other day you called him stupid.  I reminded you that is not ok, even in a game, and told you to apologize.  You refused.  You then spent the next 3.5 hours sitting in your room on your bed, not asleep, and not with toys, before you were ready to walk in there and mumble sorry.

And yet that same persistence and boundless energy, has you almost riding a bike far younger than any of the others.  You love to spend time running behind your siblings outside, riding your bike on the sidewalk, and drawing with chalk on the drive way.  You also like to let yourself outside to play with the dogs "BY MYSELF!"  while we do school.  In fact, you are perfectly happy most of the time to be left to your own devices, rather than play with others.  And of course, if you get to monopolize the tv, you are quite happy to do so.  Your current obsession is Bluey, which has replaced first Masha and Bear as well as Puppy Dog Pals this year.  You like to play "Daddy Robot" with Daddy, and if nothing else, has helped you to find more fun with him, and be a little less needy and clingy with me.

I've recently finished a book on Empress Matilda, Lady of the English and her fight to secure the throne for her son Henry.  I've seen more than a few parallels between both Matilda and Henry and yourself.  I can well imagine you as a lawyer arguing cases before the Supreme Court, or an Advocate for a cause, leading to a change in legislation. I can see you as the first person to walk on Mars, or to discover a cure for a rare childhood disease.  I know that the Lord is going to do great things with you, I just hope we survive raising you to see it.

We love you so very much, Katydid,

Love,
Momma

Will and Jon,

So much has happened since our last letter.  I took your 3 month photos but since we were traveling and everything was hectic I didn't have a chance to write a letter.  We have had several first since 2 months.  You both can easily flip from back to stomach, pushing up with those legs, and occasionally roll back to the front.  Will, you laughed for the first time a few days ago and seem to have discovered your fist.  You stare at it in great fascination, slowly opening and closing it.  I don't think any of your siblings, ever analyzed their hands in such intense fashion.  Will, you have also become quite talkative lately.  Jon, you carry on conversations while giving out big smiles, and just love to have someone shower you with attention.  You are better at getting your thumb out of your fist and sucking on it now and even cuddle some.  Both of you still stink at taking a pacifier.  Though if we hold it for you, sometimes it helps you get to sleep.

Nursing is going really well now.  I have never enjoyed nursing.  It isn't the lovey dovey, bonding experience for me that has been touted.  But you both are teaching me to slow down.  That everything doesn't have to be productive all the time.  It's ok to just sit and feed babies.  Despite still not getting that oxytocin high, I will admit that it makes me feel kind of like Superwoman to be able to nurse you both at the same time.  And whether tandem feeding or back to back feeds, I'm super happy to have made it this far with two of you, and no end in sight.

You two pretty well stick to a schedule of every three hours, after your morning feed.  Sometimes you wake a 6, sometimes 7 or 8.  You nurse together or back to back and fall back asleep till around 9ish.  Sometimes you snack then, and some you just wake up.  This is the time of day you are both the happiest.  You are alert and will hang together by yourself as long as you are propped up in the double boppy on our bed.  Sometimes Kate watches tv with you, and you both seem curious to listen to Bluey, sometimes it even looks like you are watching tv.  Other days you hold hands and coo to each other and Daddy while he works.  Usually around 11, Daddy brings you downstairs to us during school because you have had your limit.  Then you need to be nursed and held.  Occasionally you both nurse to sleep and stay asleep, but rarely.  You both nurse again at 2 and 5, their are some cat naps while being held, but anytime any of us try to put you down, you are awake and fussing about it.  When I have had help around like Ahna, I've made good use of it.  During read aloud time or DEAR time the kids hold you.  But much of the time I am wearing you both in the twin wego carrier so that you can nap and I have my hands free for chores around the house, and schooling your siblings.  But I'm not sure how much longer I can manage both of your weight on my front.  Around 7:30, you both get unbearably fussy, mostly because you aren't napping any.  We tend to hold you through supper, pass you back and forth, as you are only happy nursing.  Frequently though that results in you spitting up on us, as you are way too full, and don't really need to nurse, but only want the comfort aspect.  We start trying to get you down for the night around 10 after the others are in bed, occasionally it works around 11 but most nights it is at least three or four tries each and 1 to 2 am before we get you asleep, put in your bed, and you actually stay asleep.

The truth is that you are both lousy sleepers, and we are about to start letting you cry it out more.  As you are capable of sleeping longer stretches, and capable of sleeping without us.  And going on 4 months now with you, is really doing a number on your parents.  We are also hoping to start moving you into the crib in Britt's room, once we can lay both down, and you stay down, since you are sleeping till morning now.

In addition to both fighting sleep (though Jon you are probably worse about that) you also both are very strong little boys.  You love to sit up in the pillow, though you are a bit wobbly and at times wiggle so much you look like bobble head dolls.  You also lift your entire chest and part of your stomach up when you lay on your stomach with your elbows locked in place, sprawled out beside you.  Though it hurts my nose to see you do your bobble head thing, and headbutt the ground.  You both always need to be buckled into the swing and bouncer now as you try to flip over or squirm to get your feet up in the air to kick at the toys there.

My boys you are a joy with smiles that light up the room.  If you will agree to sleep at night life with twins would be perfect. ha!  Happy 4 month birthday.  We love you.

Love,
Momma