Yesterday evening we attended an event that we heard about through our local library, about the book "A Land Remembered."  Memaw came too, and got her book signed, but our book is still with a friend, we have loaned it out so many times, that I almost another copy.  Britt and Ruth came too.  The show had tons of video clips by the author Patrick Smith who passed away 6 years ago, and was given by his son, Rick Smith (Patrick Jr.).  I have read the book aloud many times for Gary, especially on road trips, and the kids have heard bits and pieces of it over the years.  We would highly recommend it.  Afterward, there were refreshments downstairs in the art gallery and we enjoyed looking at the Florida themed art as well.  Ruth and I found a picture that we decided Gary could get for us, for only $1700.  Needless to say, I don't expect to ever own any real art.  For this week's blog post I wanted to get the two of them together to share their thoughts about the show.


Momma:  What was your favorite part of the show yesterday?
Britt:  The video of the alligator eating a water buffalo.  It was about a part of the book where they lose a bunch of cows to gators.
Ruth:  I think some of my favorite part, was his (Rick's) imagination, with the tour bus, plane, and semis to take this show on the road.  He said, the semi's are parked outside with my tour bus, and I whispered to Britt, in his imagination.

Momma:  Share one thing you learned about Florida history yesterday.
Ruth:   I learned that in Mississippi there were lakes and stuff for you to swim in, but in Florida you couldn't swim in lakes because alligators might eat you.  Patrick at 13 for the first time in Florida he saw an actual swimming pool made of concrete in 1940.
Britt:  People from Florida were originally called Florida crackers from the sound of a cattle whip.  It is not an insult here.  The man teaching yesterday, was no good with a whip, we saw a video that was funny.

Momma:  Do you think you would have liked coming to the Florida wilderness during the Civil War and starting a life just using the tools you brought?
Britt:  Yes.  It would be a fun adventure and I like the woods.  It would have been worth the hardships, a near starvation for two years.  Beside I could always eat Ruth. hahahahahaha
Ruth:  I like living out in the country, wilderness with the animals.  But it is also really hard, there is not much food, and it would be a long journey, but if it was actually peaceful it would be fun.  Not like during the Civil War.

Momma:  What would life be like if you had never meet another kid and rarely saw another adult until you were 18 years old, because you lived in such an isolated place?
Ruth:  It would be hard and lonely, but you could also see things differently than other people.
Britt:  Easy and fun, because I wouldn't have to worry about anyone messing up my cabin while hunting and other things.

Momma:  What did you think about the part of the book, where he said, that this is God's land, and we are just tenets for a little while, and that he must surely be angry with what we have done in developing Miami?
Britt:  The woods were gone forever, and that makes me sad.  But I am happy because I like restaurants, and baseball fields, and being able to run to Walmart.
Ruth:  It makes me feel sad in ways, because all the animals are gone.  There is no wildlife or forest to explore.  Or take a vacation out in the country like what we read about in Rascal.  But, it makes me happy that we have Walmart and roads, and towns to live in.  I like having friends nearby, but I like living in the country and the olden days sounds kinda fun.  Where it was free almost and no one was there.  Life is easier by far, but sometimes it's a little too easy.

If you could meet any book character who would you want to meet and why?

There are a whole bunch of people I'd like to meet Susan and Reepicheep from Narnia, Tinkerbell, and Kaya from the American Girl books.  There are a whole bunch of people.  But if I could only pick one.  I would pick Reepicheep, because I could talk to fairies at home through my notebook, but I can't talk to Reepicheep.  I want to meet him because he is funny, cool, loyal and he is a mouse.  First I would sword fight with him because it would be fun to sword fight someone smaller than you.  And it would be a challenge because he is really good at moving through the grass and attacking opponents.  We would eat a snack and then he could take me on a tour around Narnia.  I would like to see Aslan and the ruins of the castle where High King Peter, King Edmund, Queens Susan and Lucy lived when they were still in Narnia.  I would like to see the water and tree nymphs.  I would like to hear Reepicheep tell all his stories by a campfire.  I would bring smores from my world to share, and I'd try some of the stuff that Reepicheep and his friends made.

Then if he wanted the next morning I would take him around my world and let him see what it is like I would show him the swing in the front yard and our car.  He thought that was really strange and funny.  After I was done showing him everything, we would say goodbye.  Reepicheep would go back to his own world and I would go back to mine. The End.

We finished up the third Narnia book today, and I thought I would share my favorite part that I read aloud a few nights ago.  Shasta has just related how he feels to be "the unluckiest person in the whole world." He was orphaned, raised by an unkind man, chased by lions, in danger from bad men in a great city, slept among tombs, thought he was going to be eaten by wild beast, traveled across the great desert, had nothing to eat for a day, and was repetitively chased by lions. Then the lion, Aslan disagrees and tells him:

I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man Sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.

Asian tells him all of this as they are walking in the middle of the night in thick fog through the mountains. Two days later Shasta is crossing them again during the day and observes:

The hillside path which they were following became narrower all the time and the drop in their right hand became steeper. At last they were going in single file along the edge of a great precipice and Shasta shuddered to think that he had done the same last night without knowing it. "But of course" he thought, "I was quite safe. That is why the Lion kept on my left. He was between me and the edge all the time."

When I read it the other night it was a potent reminder that very often when things are seemingly at their worst that God is with us in the midst of things, even when we don't see him.  The providence of God is a wonderful comfort, even if it is hard to see and understand.  I know that there were times in underemployment that he providentially intervened impressing someone to send us a check when we had no way to pay the power bill.  He provided a job in Indiana when we couldn't have continued another day without it.  Literally, Gary ran out of gas on the way home from the interview, and we had no savings left, no money coming in, and no room left on the credit cards.  However, I don't for a minute think that we were without work for so long because the job He intended for us or planned for us, wasn't open yet.  We make choices while we live here and there are consequences for our actions now, and sometimes other people just don't chose you for a job.

Which brings me to another point, while I love the beauty of God intervening on behalf of his people.  I ABSOLUTELY hate it when I see people talking about how God has plans to prosper us.  They get this erroneous idea from the NIV translation of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  The actual verse reads something entirely different, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."  God doesn't have plans for our daily lives, we have the ability to follow him, and grow and find blessings in that, or we have the ability to be disobedient and be chastened for that.  God predestined a particular people to be His people and did everything necessary to save them (see Romans 8).  However, he doesn't cause all things that come to pass.  He doesn't work evil to bring good from it.  That would merely make us puppets on a string, and that would bring no glory to God.

In Jeremiah 29, God is telling the nation of Israel that they are going into captivity and that it's not going to be an afternoon trip.  They are going to be there for 70 years, so they are to build houses, work, establish a home, pray for those in power.  But that at the end of that time of punishment and exile that He will allow them to return home.  They will not live always away.  That is the immediate context, the long term context is that at the end of our life time here in this world, we too are going to return home, and our expected end will be in Heaven with Him.

How shallow and foolish of us today in America to assume that God has plans to divinely intervene and prosper us and no harm will come to us.  Do we fail to consider his children throughout history and in the rest of the world today?  People who right now are being beheaded and persecuted for being Christian.  And I don't mean persecuted because someone hurt their feelings when they said something not nice, but literally loosing their livelihood, literally losing their very lives.

I don't think God took my daughter.  I don't think he is in the business of doing cruel and evil things.  I don't think it's some grand plan for my good.  I do think, even though like Shasta I have at times felt like, I'm the unluckiest person in the world, He was with me.  I haven't always seen Him, but like Shasta in the fog in the darkest midnight on a cold and lonely path, I have felt Him.  I am sure that there have been times that He has intervened in my life and directed me, like Shasta and Aravis were steered together.  There have been times He has comforted me, like the cat comforted Shasta.  And no matter how bad things get here, after all we've been promised "in this world ye shall have tribulation" (john 16:33), I have an expected end, after this life is over.

All Photos by Britt

Then the triceratops and stegosaurus were playing tractor checkers.  Black triceratops got all the tractors that he could in the game.  Stegosaurus only had one checker.  They played all night, and the next morning, the played another game.  It was funny to watch them.



They were also fixing up something.  When Pterodactyl was about to saw off one of his wings. I thought I heard Iguanodon saying what is this thing, and when I was about to walk into the room he was about to pull the lever on the drill.  When Ankylosaurs's kid wondered what does this thing do, and he took a spin on the vice.  It was a funny dinosaur day.

I recently finished reading "Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled" by Elder Michael Gowens​.  Santa bought it from Sovereign Grace Publications​ for me in my book bag and stocking this past Christmas.  I've been reading it a chapter at a time, and studying many of the verses that he uses in each chapter.  And it's been incredibly helpful.  I'd recommend it to anyone.  There are a lot of good things in it.  And even though I read the chapter on grief about three different times in the last 2 months, I find many of the other topics just as pertinent.  After all grief for me has brought loneliness and fear, has heightened anxiety, and mostly been an intense battle with depression.

This has been an incredible help as I muddle through this experience.  The days that I read a chapter or spend some time studying out the verses typically have been my better days.  It's been a help in applying verses I knew with my head, but weren't feeling and implementing in my heart.  I want to share one especially helpful section near the very end on hope.  I'll share the first paragraph for the context of the second...

Consider an Old Testament example of how hope saves the believer from despair.  Jeremiah reached the point of hopeless despair as he walked in the smoldering ruins of Jerusalem.  He cried, "My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord" (Lam. 3:18).  Suddenly, like Hopeful, he was startled by an epiphany.  As a man half amazed he remembered something else: "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.  It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not;" (Lam. 3;21-22).  Hope replaced hopelessness when he realized that though the destruction around him was significant, yet life remained.  He was still alive, as well as many, many others.  The nation had not been annihilated.  Indeed, the temple was gone, but the people themselves had not been wiped out.  Life remained, and the mercy of God remained in fresh supply at the beginning of each new day.  This salutary reminder gave him hope to face the unknown tomorrow.

It will give you hope to face the unknown tomorrow as well when you focus your mind on the things that remain, not the things you have lost.  Life remains, Today remains.  His mercy for today remains.  His promise remains.  His love remains the same, whether in sunshine or in shadow. (emphasis mine)

It was unbearable to have to give birth to a baby that was gone.  It's unbearable to have to continue each day without her.  Children eventually bury their parents, you don't expect to bear your babies.  But "His mercies are new every morning" and make each day bearable.  It isn't having other kids that helps, it isn't having my own health that helps, it isn't things that help but feeling and knowledge of His love.  More than any one other thing, reading and studying what God has to say about everything helps.

The other thing I have done in working through my grief, is actually setting aside some time to think about everything that happened and to think about Abigail now.  I quickly figured out that my tendency to stuff my feelings and do things that need doing, lead to worse days and they happened more frequently.  The truth is that it's easy to stay busy with three living children, homeschooling, cook, and housekeeper.  She is always in the back of my mind, but I can't get things done when I dwell on it.  And yet I still need to.  Sometimes I do that by writing in her journal, sometimes I do that by working on her stocking.  I even signed up for two grief workshops and have some art journaling prompts similar to the writing project I did back in October.

It may sound crazy to "schedule" grieving time, but I find that when I work on these things.  I give myself permission to make sense of the things I hated about the experience, things that the hospital did that didn't help, things I should have done that I didn't know to do.  It helps to give myself permission to wonder what she would have been like, and to wonder what she is doing right now.  It helps to go over and over and over in my mind the things I know about Heaven to place her there.  It helps to figure out what this mess is that I currently am.  I've cried and begged Gary to fix me, that I don't like me, that I want to be where he is, since he's "over it."  He of course can't, only I can work through this, grief is very lonely in that way.

10-06-2015, Capture Your Grief - Day 6, Books

This topic is just comical to me. Carly mentioned in her post that many of us turn to reading, and asked us to share anything that was helpful or encouraging. You all know that I'm a bookaholic. So it might come as no surprise that since Abigail passed away 6 weeks ago today, I have spent a lot of time either on my bed, or curled up in my chair in the living room with a blanket and a book. I have read 10 books all but one of them on the loss a child. I might have a list of about that many more that I've saved on Amazon since the library doesn't have them. I am rereading one of the first ten, and I have another one sitting on the nightstand by the bed to read. And of course I'm reading my Bible a lot.

So I'm going to give three suggestions, well maybe I'll give four.

On the topic of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. My hands down favorite book so far has been Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart. This was a work from a scholarly point of view by two women who had experienced miscarriage. They interviewed more than 50 women and some of their husbands in the course of their study, and liberally share their own words. It is a relief when you feel like you are going crazy to know that everyone else experiences this too. That you aren't crazy, or if you are that at least you aren't the only one.

For just a great read, some of you know that last year I got to read Elizabeth Byler Younts new book "Promise to Cherish" before it came out, to review it. This year I was again privileged to be able to read her newest book, "Promise to Keep." I read it all yesterday. This book centers around Esther an Amish woman, who has been through enormous loss in her life. She's slightly older than myself, and has lost both of her parents at 5 and 7, lost her best friend and cousin just 4 years earlier, loses her grandmother in the first pages of the book, and faces losing Daisy, the child of her cousin that she has raised as her own four the last four years as Daisy's father returns from WWII. Alone in the world, in many ways and facing incredible loss she remains a strong woman, she doesn't become bitter, she doesn't become hard, she still retains faith, and love, and an ability and desire to serve others. At times it was an incredibly hard read, but it was also a really encouraging read. It was exactly what I needed to read yesterday.

Obviously though, the best source of comfort other than prayer has been time reading my Bible. Three separate people who had experienced losing a child, suggested I read Job. I'm reading it now. I have read alot in the Psalms. David has always been the most honestly real character from the Bible to me. Maybe it just because we know so much more about him because of all of his writings. But most of all I have read over and over the verses that were used at Abigail's funeral (Ecc 3, Isa. 57:1, II Sam. 12, Isa 65:17-20, I Thes 4:15-18), and the verses I have engraved on the bracelet I made for her, the one I wear every day (Psa. 106:1, II Cor 12:9, I Thess 4:13-18, Rev 21:3-5).

Finally as my bonus book, "What Was Lost: A Christian Journey through Miscarriage." The author of this book is a woman who has experienced two miscarriages and who also happens to be a Methodist minister. I don't agree with all of her theology or ideas, but there was a lot of good stuff in her book. Most especially there was a chapter on who God is. It showed that he doesn't cause the deaths of our children for his plan, but that neither is he powerless in our daily lives. It was a really well written chapter for what I've always believed in balancing His power, His providence, and His love for His people in a sin cursed world.

My favorite shot from our wedding.

So, back right before Gary and I got married, I asked several couples who had really good marriages or couples who had over come alot, what their advice would be to a couple getting married.  I got alot of good advice, I got some that doesn't seem to really apply to me and Gary, and I had a few people recommend a book by Debbie Pearl Created to Be His Help Meet.  I never got around to reading it.  Then sometime after we got married, someone gave me a copy of it.  I don't really remember how I got it, but a couple of weeks ago I thought, hmm, I'll pull it down and read it.

My first piece of advice is don't waste your time or money on this book.  I was most interested because someone had mentioned to me, that in the book it talks about how men generally fall into one of three categories, and that it gives some insight into each one.  This is so that you can tell which kind of man your husband is, and how to be better supportive of him.  I thought that was going to be the gist of the book, unfortunately it's only one chapter.  It describes the Command Man and the Visionary Man, both of who in my opinion sound like failures as men.  The Command Man seems to be given a pass at manipulation, micromanaging, and serves as dictator of his home.  The Visionary Man seems to be one who is very detached from most of what's going on around him, almost negligent, impulsive, and is not able to really handle day to day life.  The third kind of man is the Steady Man.  Maybe I only think he's the best, because it was a close description to Gary, BUT to me he's the only one that makes sense of what a husband should act like.  It gave a few useful insights into understand how his mind works.

 "He avoids controversy... He will quietly ignore hypocrisy in others.  He will selfishly fight the wars that Mr. Visionary starts and Mr. Command leads.  ...His steadiness makes him the last to change... His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference... However, he is like deep, deep water.  The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is nevertheless, very strong."

She later describes Mr Steady as "a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man."   She talks about how when the wife is unhappy or discontent, his response is to serve more.  That is definitely true with Gary he doesn't talk things out, he does things.  I've often described him as a rock.  I can be high strung and all over the place, but it takes alot to get him riled up and moving.  That section of 3 pages in the 289 I read is the only decent material.

Most of her stuff I found to be absolutely appalling.  She goes on at length that women are to have no other drive, goal, or consideration in life but to meet each and every need of her husband, anticipating them before they happen, and ensuring his happiness.  To me what she describes is something sick, a woman who places her husband in a god-like position, and a husband who has acquired a slave.  She twist verses out of context to back up her views, and very often she shades a verse here or there just enough to make you wonder, and then builds her house of cards on top of all these shaded verses.

She goes so far as to recommend that you stay with your husband even if he is abusing you or if he chronically cheats on you.  Ever time she talks about a divorced woman she paints the most dark and depressing pictures she can come up with.  I'm not saying that they have a rosy life, but to teach that all divorcees experience these things to this degree is ridiculous.  For example she writes,

"Look around you.  There is a new breed of women today.  They serve your table at the local restaurant; they mow grass, work in the hospitals, and direct traffic.  There are thousands of these ladies;  they are everywhere doing anything they can find to do.  They are mostly single moms.  They dress cheaply; their hair has a ragged cut, and the dark circles under their young eyes testify to their faded hope.  They are a new army of workers.  Employers can underpay them because they are desperate for work.  You can depend on them because they would not dare take the chance of losing their job.  They are always distracted because they are thinking of their unhappy children or the baby sitter's new, weird boyfriend who comes over when she is at work. ...But all this was not your fault.  No, it was your husband who committed adultery, your husband who was angry or got into porn., but he seems to have a life of ease now with pleany of money compared to your miserable condition.  He takes the kids every other weekend and spoils them, making them hate you all the more.  He seems to be so vital, so alive and full of smiles.  He has money to entertain them, and they know you as a grumpy penny-pitcher.  They think his young girlfriend is really cool.  When you discover a lump in your breast, your teens don't care or understand the gravity of the situation.  You struggle alone with your fear and take yourself to the doctor, knowing that even though this might not end in death, it is the end of hope."

There are excerpts and asides all throughout the book like this. And anyone who knows someone who is divorced and has small children know this is far from the whole story.  She continually underlies everything with an attitude that you are nothing without your man.  One of the further insults that she continually throws at you is that to be a keeper at home, you must be home all the time with your children.  She is against babysitters in every situation whether to go grocery shopping or to work or for a day out, always insinuating that your child will be neglected or assaulted if you leave them alone.  She writes that she received an email from a young man that she knew saying that his wife was helping him with mission work and while with a babysitter, "their little girl, not yet one year old, had been molested, most likely by someone with a terrible disease."

 The most frighten part to me of what she has written indicates that women are to have no mind of their own.  She continually says that women aren't to be partners in marriage but help meets.  She writes about Adam and Eve, "God gave her to Adam to be HIS helper, not his partner.  She was designed to serve, not to be served, to assist, not to veto his decisions." (bolding in the original).  She continually says that the woman has no place, no right, to offer an opinion or to disagree on anything.  Her husband clearly lives this way, as she writes toward the end,

"When our first daughter was just two months away from getting married, she asked her daddy a theological question.  Remember now, she was a graduate of Bible college and had spent three years on the foreign field as a missionary.  But rather than answer her, as he had been doing for the previous 26 years, he told her, 'I cannot answer your Bible questions, for you now believe what your husband believes.  He will be your head, and you will follow him.  It is time to get adjusted to your new role.  Ask him what he believes about it.'"

There is nothing healthy or godly about such a relationship.  I think that a marriage is a wonderful thing.  I have a wonderful man.  God uses marriage to describe the relationship of Jesus to the Church.  The Church wants to follow Christ, he is a good leader.  It's not always easy to follow Him, but He never leaves us or forsakes us.  In a good marriage a wife is a help meet in any way that she can, but the husband is also to protect and care for the wife.  When it says two become one flesh, it doesn't mean that the wife disappears into the man that her husband already is, and that he never changes in any way.  It means that they grow and merge together, becoming entwined.  I've changed for the better for having Gary in my life, and he claims that he has as well.  We are growing together.  If all he needed was the woman that this book describes he could hire a cook and a housekeeper, and have a clean house, with far better meals and a much better price.  Gary values me for my ability to argue with him.  No, really.  We debate out the possibilities, we examine every angle together, we make all of our decisions together, because this isn't the Gary B and company show, it's our family.  I don't always agree with him, and sometimes he takes the gamble anyway, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't,
but he always knows where I stand.  A marriage is team work, we are yoked together.  I'm not the mule and him the driver with the whip.  We are together pulling.

I want to be a help meet for him, and I want him to be better for having me in his life, rather than me being a hindrance and a burden.  I'm sure there are other women that feel the same way, but if you are looking for advice as to how to get there, save yourself the time and effort, and stay away from this book.

I finished reading Persuasion by Jane Austen tonight. Once again I am humbled by the outlook on life of another. A friend of Anne, our heroine, is in very dire straights (especially for a women in that day and time) never allows the situation to dampen her spirits. Mrs. Clay remains industrious with her hands, since she cannot travel as a cripple; and she also remains positive. (For those of you who have read the book, will realize what a stark difference this makes with most of the other characters that surround Anne, particularly her sister Mary.) Even more telling to me is that God is attributed as the giver of this most desired gift, a positive and happy, even a contented spirit.

It makes me quite ashamed when I lamment being ever so far from home, and allow such seemingly mild physical ailments, in comparison with Mrs. Clay, bring me down. I cannot believe the good patience of my husband in dealing with me. But please, rather read what Miss Austen has to say (in Volume II, Chapter V, or Chapter 17 depending on your volume)...

"She was a widow, and poor. Her husband had been extravagant; and at his death, about two years before, had left his affairs dreadfully involved. She had had difficulties of every sort to contend with, and in addition to these distresses, had been afflicted with a severe rheumatic fever, which finally settling in her legs, had made her for the present a cripple. She had come to Bath on that account, and was now in lodgings near the hot-baths, living in a very humble way, unable even to afford herself the comfort of a servant, and of course almost excluded from society.

...

Anne found in Mrs. Smith the good sense and agreeable manners which she had almost ventured to depend on, and a disposition to converse and be cheerful beyond her expectation. Neither the dissipations of the past--and she had lived very much in the world, nor the restrictions of the present; neither sickness nor sorrow seemed to have closed her heart or ruined her spirits.

In the course of a second visit she talked with great openness, and Anne's astonishment increased. She could scarcely imagine a more cheerless situation in itself than Mrs. Smith's. She had been very fond of her husband,--she had buried him. She had been used to affluence,--it was gone. She had no child to connect her with life and happiness again, no relations to assist in the arrangement of perplexed affairs, no health to make all the rest supportable. Her accommodations were limited to a noisy parlour, and a dark bed-room behind, with no possibility of moving from one to the other without assistance, which there was only one servant in the house to afford, and she never quitted the house but to be conveyed into the warm bath.--Yet, in spite of all this, Anne had reason to believe that she had moments only of languor and depression, to hours of occupation and enjoyment. How could it be?--She watched--observed--reflected--and finally determined that this was not a case of fortitude or of resignation only.--A submissive spirit might be patient, a strong understanding would supply resolution, but here was something more; here was that elasticity of mind, that disposition to be comforted, that power of turning readily from evil to good, and of finding employment which carried her out of herself, which was from Nature alone. It was the choicest gift of Heaven; and Anne viewed her friend as one of those instances in which, by a merciful appointment, it seems designed to counterbalance almost every other want."

As I finished reading Mandfield Park last night (to myself, not aloud), I have one final observation, before happily returning to the year 2008. Fanny is a delightful character. While, sometimes you want her to grow up a little and get a harder skin, she is amazingly gentle and thinks nothing of herself. Our main problem in life isn't that we think too poorly of ourselves, but that we think too much of ourselves. Infact, that's pretty much what Bro. Buddy preached on a few weeks ago. Reading of how Fanny never thinks enough of herself to be offended reminds me of a verse, Philippians 2:3, "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

(This is found in Chapter 2, or Volume I, Chapter II)
Fanny, with all her faults of ignorance and timidity, was fixed at Mansfield Park, and learning to transfer in its favour much of her attachment to her former home, grew up there not unhappily among her cousins. There was no positive ill–nature in Maria or Julia; and though Fanny was often mortified by their treatment of her, she thought too lowly of her own claims to feel injured by it.

(This is found in Chapter 28 or Volume II, Chapter X)
She had hoped to have William all to herself the last morning. It would have been an unspeakable indulgence. But though her wishes were overthrown, there was no spirit of murmuring within her. On the contrary, she was so totally unused to have her pleasure consulted, or to have anything take place at all in the way she could desire, that she was more disposed to wonder and rejoice in having carried her point so far, than to repine at the counteraction which followed.

For Christmas, Mother gave me all of Jane Austin's works, a set of books, often checked out of our public library, but someone never personally acquired by myself. There is an excelent observation that she makes on reading in Mansfield Park (Chapter 37 or Volume III, Chapter III, depending on your book). The first quote is about the skillful reading of Shakespeare by Mr. Crawford for the first time in many years, and the second quote is on the woeful state of reading aloud by the country at large. I only observe this to say 1) what sad condition does a nation fall into which has no skill at reading, and 2) what a wonderful gift it is.

Crawford took the volume. “Let me have the pleasure of finishing that speech to your ladyship,” said he. “I shall find it immediately.” And by carefully giving way to the inclination of the leaves, he did find it, or within a page or two, quite near enough to satisfy Lady Bertram, who assured him, as soon as he mentioned the name of Cardinal Wolsey, that he had got the very speech. Not a look or an offer of help had Fanny given; not a syllable for or against. All her attention was for her work. She seemed determined to be interested by nothing else. But taste was too strong in her. She could not abstract her mind five minutes: she was forced to listen; his reading was capital, and her pleasure in good reading extreme. To good reading, however, she had been long used: her uncle read well, her cousins all, Edmund very well, but in Mr. Crawford’s reading there was a variety of excellence beyond what she had ever met with. The King, the Queen, Buckingham, Wolsey, Cromwell, all were given in turn; for with the happiest knack, the happiest power of jumping and guessing, he could always alight at will on the best scene, or the best speeches of each; and whether it were dignity, or pride, or tenderness, or remorse, or whatever were to be expressed, he could do it with equal beauty. It was truly dramatic. His acting had first taught Fanny what pleasure a play might give, and his reading brought all his acting before her again; nay, perhaps with greater enjoyment, for it came unexpectedly, and with no such drawback as she had been used to suffer in seeing him on the stage with Miss Bertram.

Edmund watched the progress of her attention, and was amused and gratified by seeing how she gradually slackened in the needlework, which at the beginning seemed to occupy her totally: how it fell from her hand while she sat motionless over it, and at last, how the eyes which had appeared so studiously to avoid him throughout the day were turned and fixed on Crawford—fixed on him for minutes, fixed on him, in short, till the attraction drew Crawford’s upon her, and the book was closed, and the charm was broken. Then she was shrinking again into herself, and blushing and working as hard as ever; but it had been enough to give Edmund encouragement for his friend, and as he cordially thanked him, he hoped to be expressing Fanny’s secret feelings too.

...

The subject of reading aloud was farther discussed. The two young men were the only talkers, but they, standing by the fire, talked over the too common neglect of the qualification, the total inattention to it, in the ordinary school–system for boys, the consequently natural, yet in some instances almost unnatural, degree of ignorance and uncouthness of men, of sensible and well–informed men, when suddenly called to the necessity of reading aloud, which had fallen within their notice, giving instances of blunders, and failures with their secondary causes, the want of management of the voice, of proper modulation and emphasis, of foresight and judgment, all proceeding from the first cause: want of early attention and habit; and Fanny was listening again with great entertainment.